math domination

i feel like whenever i am in a group of people where there are 2 or more people that are in some sort of math/finance related program (and thus sharing the same courses) and i'm the only non-math faculty person there.. the conversation will be very one-sided. no matter how the conversations usually start (though it usually tends to be about math...) it will ultimately end up in some topic about the most recent math assignments and math related problems. and i'm just sitting there like .. i see. T_T i'll just not talk because i cannot relate.. poor little environment faculty! haha

slowing down

so work has finally pretty much died down and only exams are on the horizon! (sort of.. got a bit left still) i guess that's been pretty good. i'm also back home right now even though my parents are on a cruise in Europe haha i wish i could be on vacation! but for the most part i'm keeping up with work and life is alright. it was also nice being able to make it in time for malachi and to see how the fellowship is growing and progressing and just enjoying everyone's company. the one thing i am probably disliking is the darn weather... SO COLD DON"T WANT TO STEP OUTSIDE AR~ but yep i think if i study very hard for exams and by very hard i mean not too hard but study enough... :D i should be set! my expectations for marks have dropped so much...

tiny update

i know i have posted in awhile. and it's definitely not because i've been working too hard. if anything definitely not enough. i'm not really transitioning well into this whole university thing of no procrastination.. i swear i've just gotten lazier and don't know how to use my time very well at all. i keep trying to turn over that new leaf but yeah i find myself up at these times (almost 4 am) just like today working and studying last minute. my whole sleep schedule is off! but i hear that's what happens in university.

on the positive side i totally woke up late for this midterm and had 15 minutes to write the midterm that was worth 15% of my grade. it was pretty humourous after.. in the sense that "wow i can't believe that happened, laugh it off" kind of humour. but what do you know i passed with a 75... which is still above the class average. .. interesting..

silly times, boring lectures

it's amazing how gullible i am sometimes T_T but i guess this is a pretty funny story that even i can laugh at myself about. so i'm sitting with a couple of friends in a 1.5 hour lecture... and at this point it's getting really dry... i also happened to have a tim hortons bag (the one they give you the donuts in) on the table and my friend tells me that tim horton bags are actually edible! Since it's thin and there's always an environmental strive to make sure things don't become waste... i give the thought some consideration. what adds to this is that he asks my other friend if it's true and this other person proceeds to rip a piece of the bag and puts it in the mouth. HOW CAN I NOT BE CONVINCED?! man... he even referred to how it's the same material as the white bunny asian candy (that is actually edible!) so he tells me to try some.. so i rip a bit and put it in my mouth and then he tells me it's not edible =(

fail :( but i guess it's kinda stupid to look back on XD

there must be more than this

and there is. the past week hasn't been amazing. i got my chinese midterm back and got a 75. i suppose it's not that bad but i guess it sucks to be below average and doing not as well in a course that i really like, and thus would want to excel in. so allll week i've been complaining about this and being really sad bout it and idunno why but i don't think it was only the midterm.. but i felt really frustrated and i found that i could randomly start crying without knowing relaly why... it's somewhere in my subconcious..anyway basically it hasn't been too good and i'm slowly deteriorating without even knowing it.

then there was the joint worship event with laurier this past friday for ccf. at first i really didn't want to go cause i was tired, it was cold, had to walk to sch... so many reasons. but i took a nap and for some reason when it was 6 30 i thought i was late and sprung out of bed really quickly haha and just walked to sch without relaly thinking about it. anyways it was totally worth it. not only was it a great worship event, amazing speakers, good time to see friends, but God was truly working in people's lives, breaking them down and just reshowing everyone how He is mighty to save. the first thing i thought of when we were worshipping and singing the line "there must be more to this" was the trials of university, marks, studying, stress, and how i complained so disappointed by that 75 >__> and then i remembered why it is that i want to learn chinese, and i even remembered why i chose urban planning (strangely, whenever anyone asked me why i went into the program i always said idunno.. but i guess i had just forgotten). I think God has blessed me with a passion to really go and serve in China. He's given me a passion for the culture and the people and with my planning degree i would go and help develop the rural areas, teach english, and above all do all these things for the glory of God.. to minister to the people and show them His love. Or that was the plan. and i had forgotten all that. sad really =( realistically and truthfully speaking though this is a really hard dream to hold onto. when i think about my future i see me wanting to be serving in China.. but there are always always fears. ofcourse it's the financial situation. there's that temptation to having a secure future, but that's not the biggest thing.. just thinking about supporting my parents when they're older and need to rely on me/brother... that scares me. another thing that was heavy on my mind was whether this program was right for me. i was talking to a friend in my program and she prob wanted to drop out after 1st year and switch to ryerson for something else. i just hope that that this is the right program, right now i don't have much drive becuase it doens't really relate to the kind of planning i'm looking to do i suppose... ah well it's complicated.

anyway i guess i just wanted to say that this night really reminded me and showed me how weak we become when God is not active in our lives. I realized how lost i was, not remembering what was truly important. i remember when i got like 60% or something on my chemistry exam back in highschool XD and all did was laugh it off. i really did try hard to study though ahah not saying we should not care about marks cause i guess they are important in some senses. but YAH it was great seeing so many people just come before God in their weaknesses and acknowledge His sovereignty over EVERYTHING! yay

the first tastes of failure...

well that essay awhile back may also qualify as failure but i had a chinese midterm (25%) today and it was really darn tough T_T i studied preeetty hard but i think i concentrated way too much on the vocabulary =( that played a very small role on the midterm T_T the part that really owned me good was the antonym and synonym thing. i should've created a list for it or something and studied that. but instead i looked over that section for about 3 minutes before the testtttt. didn't realize that section was that hard. and also that filling in the blanks >_> hopefully the words i guessed are okay. tranlation.... there were nouns i didn't know how to write in chinese that i guess we are supposed to know ? but it's not even part of vocab from this course! =( and then grammar was so much guessing. hopefully there will be pity marks. i seem to be hoping for those a lot. =( if i want to do more chinese courses how will i EVER do the next level up? so much fail! i just hope i didn't actually fail... but the thought of not doing super good in elective courses is not reassuring. i knew chinese was a challenege but i thought i could still do fair. mid 80s? prob not =(

procrastination lesson ..hopefully

well this week was pretty hectic in general. i had a presentation on tuesday and then a paper due on thursday. i guess it's not TOO bad but i just since we didn't have much work before it was hard to start working now and just not used to writing papers = confusion! missed breaking twice in a row aaand stayed up til 6, slept 3 hours and did more work. i guess relatively it's not too bad becuase people pulled all nighters. BUT still pretty crap feeling. and hopefully i actually learn to never do this again. i'm kind of scared i did really bad on it =( but oh well hope he goes eeasy since it is our first paper.

i also went to a casa dance. just for fun with friends. DEF not looking for anything. especially after handing in that work wanted to just relax and stuff. but omgoodness i hate the atmosphere of that place so much >_< all those slutty girls and creepy guys... hai. it's lk alkdjfa. but i should not talk about that or i'll start a huuuuge rant again. i've prob already ranted twice GR angry. seriosuly it's just really disappointing/disgusting >_> prob won't go again. that is allll