4A Update!

I feel like I should update this a bit... for anyone wondering lol! if i had to say one thing to describe my 4A term thus far i feel like i would have to, unfortunately, use the word "busy".... i feel like i've been working MORE OR LESS non-stop with the exception of some days which i take as breaks but i think this is the most hardworking i've been EVER in university. that being said i think i have somewhat better time management now. I also mentioned to some people  that i really wanted to develop goals over the term but ... that PARTIALLY failed. mostly because i have no time to just sit down and think.. or im procrastinating on it but here's what i generally wanted...

1. TO BE HARDWORKING. i guess that's kind of accomplished haha im taking 6 courses so actually surprisingly busy and with jobmine too!! im actually super freaked out for it but im continually reminding myself to place my trust in God. I know sometimes it's kind of awkward when everyone has interviews and stuff... and i dont but i think that's jsut self-pride kicking in and wanting not to "lose face" in front of peers and stuff... but God has actually been so amazing in placing me somewhere each term (cause i never get a lot of interview/offers) so i pray He will work again this term, remind myself that even if it's not what i want, that God can be glorified and that He may be calling me TO that coop place for a reason! i guess this topic is no longer about being hardworking ahaha 

2. to meet and serve the younger years! since i wasn't here the previous term i really want to meet the froshies!! it's kind of hard during ccf but maybe that's cause im not making enough effort but i hope other avenues open up for me to be able to meet and get to know the frosh/2nd years better :) 

3. DG! i just found out who my dg mates are and i hope i can serve them and truly be a sister in Christ to them. i shall go email them right now!

anyway i also signed up for a God and reason course and also sword (apparently lol) but i hope im not over committing. i rly feel quite busy all the time. and on top of this i really need to spend more personal time with God as well so I hope i can better manage my time!! this is maybe the most spontaneous and messy blog i've ever written.................. T_T yahhhhhhhh 

An unexpected journey.

For a sec I really felt like Bilbo Baggins about to write out my entire journey these past 4 months. I'm kind of on a high from Hobbit/LOTR so it's been on my mind ahah. Anyway I figured I should really blog about my time that I spent in Ottawa during my co-op term there. In some ways it feels like I came back from a missions trip or something because usually when people do return from those, they have a lot to share! And I guess I learnt a lot... way more than expected so praise God for working so mightily in Ottawa the past term :D I don't even know where to begin... and I get lazier and lazier as I blog... so we'll see how much I get through but here goes!!

So if I had to sum up the term ... I'd probably say that "God is good". I know that's pretty vague and generic but I honestly feel that at the end of this term my feelings are summed up with praise for God for how He has taught me, led me, used me, and blessed me.

Taught:
God has revealed so much of Himself to me and I've learnt so much through fellowship, church, experiences, sharing, other sisters, etc. I made a list so I wouldn't forget. He's taught me more of what it means to be faithful to God, reminded me of life outside my Christian bubble, helping me step outside of my comfort zone, showed me the mighty power in prayer, how to be intentional, how to be humble and humbling me, grown my heart for witnessing to those around me, how to be like-minded and striving for the same goal in unity, and so much!

Led:
I truly believe God has been with me during my time in Ottawa. At our girls' sleepover we read about Esther... and how God's name was not even mentioned in the book but yet his presence and His hand in all the events are so apparent. Similarly so God's presence was strongly felt and I felt as if He truly was leading me through the trials, the learning, the good times, and ofcourse the not as good times.

Used:
This term I had many opportunities to share with my non-Christian friends about what Christianity is, what is church, what is fellowship, and hearing what their concept of Church was. I did spend a lot of time with them so had opportunities to share more of what I believed in to them and I really hope that a seed has been planted, or watered, or tended to! And that someday they too may be able to see the light!

Blessed:
Cannot even begin to list all the blessings cause the list would go on foreverrrrr. Ottawa was pretty amazing and I connected so well to the fellowship and the church I attended because I was intentional and they were welcoming. I don't think I've ever experienced that connection to this extent. So ACF, OCAC, Elijah, Girl's prayer group were all such HUGE blessings...

I guess that's mostly my term summed up though there's waaaaaay more to say haha ofcourse the friendships made, Ottawa as a city is great too, the sketchy house I lived in... I will really miss Ottawa and I do right now but Toronto is good and Im glad to be home and then off to Loo soon! Praise God for that too :D

a fortress!

this weekend was pretty eventful overall :) starfield concert mostly but got to also do a women's Bible study with the church i am going to and hung out a lot with brothers and sisters on Sunday. anyway i guess what i wanted to blog about is the Bible study..

we were looking at the passage of Luke 15 - the parable of the prodigal son. I guess often i focus on the son that spends his fortune, repents, comes back, and is welcomed home by the father (paralleled by our own rebellion to God and coming back to him in repentance, seeking forgiveness.. i think this is the more...obvious? message of this parable. But at this Bible study, we actually spent a lot of time talking about the older son - particularly to the idea of "unfair"ness.. might not be a word ahah anyways the older son is meant to portray the Pharisees (soon after they grumbled against Jesus because he was eating with sinners) who had obeyed the father all along but did not truly love him because he was obeying for the sake of reward. Anyway the reason we talked more about the older son because we felt that was truly where the deeper problem lay... the idea of finding that we deserve something because of what we have done or overall how to deal with something that seems unfair. I think most of us said that it must have been difficult for the Pharisees, who thought they were doing the "right" thing but Jesus comes and tells them something totally different. but anyway i guess in more present-day terms, if we are humble and remember that we have all we need already (Jesus!), which is what the father in the parable tells the son, it may be much easier to approach the situation. maybe we are so accustomed to that thinking of "i did something well so i deserve to be rewarded". i am not sure if we came to a final conclusion of that discussion but it was definitely a very interesting talk about this parable i have never had before! and it rly reminded me be more humble since a lot of the times i expect people to be nice to me because i try to be nice but when it doens't happen back i get frustrated ... soo may God grant me the humility, patience and LOVE to be more unconditional in my love

ALSO. re:previous post. at starfield concert, they showed this video of an African woman who had to take care of many of her grandchildren and she said that she put her faith in God to provide for them. When asked what she wanted to share with everyone who could hear her story, she said: "ask God for strength, for when you do, He will give you a fortress" (paraphrased). that really struck me... just visualizing what that is like... is profound haha so i shall ask God for strength to face these trials!

flustered!

i kinda just want to take the easy way out as uuuusual and just run from the difficult situations >_< i am quick to give up and when some troubled times come i easily say "ahh whatever" and want to walk away. i know it's so horrible to say this but being around these people have been very frustrating at times and sometimes very discouraging to me. i think it's mostly due to my own lack of love and patience to "deal" with them and their words so i will pray for more of this!! i guess it's like i want to retreat to my bubble of where i'm comfortable but noooo we are called to GO!! i think i've been comfortable too long and God has already blessed me with the opportunities to share my faith and beliefs (woohoo God answered prayers :)). Need to persevere and be FAITHFUL to what God has given me, which is the opportunity to be a light into the darkness. i think i am learning a lot about what it means to be faithful to God. It sort of reminds me of Jesus and his prayer in Gethsemane asking if there was another way.. but ends His prayer with "not my will, but yours, be done". Though my task is no where as difficult as Jesus' was, may i remain faithful to what God has given me and to seek after God's will, not my own.

but anyway, tonight i had a great time of fellowship with some brothers and sisters in ottawa so that was refreshing! and tomorrow i will be going to see starfield in concert :) and this is a song that i like/is an encouragement in this situation ahaha "the world behind me, the Cross before me" may it be like this!! Christ first :)

Ottawa

quick blog! so im in ottawa and it was been very interesting :) many many things are happening and it can be quite exciting/scary. but since im rly lazy and dont wanna blog alll about it .. if you want to know, you can just ask me after hearing of what's been going on :) so here's the list!

1. joined ocac and acf and met many brothers and sisters
2. just joined girls prayer group so im very excited!!
3. got to share the gospel and my faith with my friends :D:DD:D:D but kind of scary sometimes cause i somewhat get mocked.. (this has been crazy! so many opportunities that came so quickly after i prayed for courage to share/stand up for my faith)
4. my house got broken into at night and i saw the robber! >_< (praise God we're all safe!!!)
5. exploring lots of ottawa :D it's a really pretty city but i miss toronto greatly!
6. very happy that I have friends that also came from loo so i dont feel so lonely ^^
7. practicing a lot of guitar/chinese!
8. probably going to ROCK THE RIVER tomorrow

anyway yeah im too lazy to type it all out here but if you'd like to know, talk to me and i'd love to share :)

and that's my quick update!

Retreat reflections I

So as some of you may know I am at my church's summer retreat for the long weekend! while it has been fun and a good time of learning about unity (the theme for the retreat) i just wanted to drop a quick blog because i know after i leave retreat i won't be blogging about what has hit me so far because i am lazy. anyway i feel like i have made two major realizations (apart from what i've learnt from sermons and spending time with people)

A) i HAVE changed. if you have read my blogs from before there have been some rather depressing ones where i often talk about how i never really learn from the lessons that God gives me. IN PARTICULAR i struggle a lot with lonliness and in my times of discouraging solitude i've tended to seek the company of people to fill that void in my life where i am lonely. in the past week prior to this retreat, i had those feelings emerge again. Times when i've felt really alone and unloved. I realized that in both those times when I began to feel those emotions, i instantly turned to prayer and to seek God and reminded myself that i am not alone at all! that God loves me, cares for me and is always with me :) i'm glad that i HAVE learnt not to go to people first but to seek after God im so glad that God can change hearts, can fix brokenness, and nothing is impossible for Him!

B) another thing that hit is "my old life". during worship, we sang a song that had the ilnes "and i don't want to go back to my old life" (or something like that... haha i don't remember the song name.. but that line was actually really difficult to sing because it made me kind of emotional? not hard to sing in the sense that i don't believe those lines. it was emotional because i really thought back to the time that i did not know Christ personally, when I did not know God and when I did not have the Spirit... and it's really scary! as i think about it i feel more and more as if it is like... a non-existance... i cannot believe that i could ever have lived without knowing God is true and not having Christ as a hope to hold onto. it is really unfathomable after knowing the sweet and deep love of God! it's like once you've had a taste of this love you really cannot go back. so even the thought of going back is insanely scary and sad. so even as i struggle now for Christ in my life to be exalted and to be first, i am encouraged to know that at least i do not want to go back to my old life of darkness, that i hate it!

anyways my computer is running out of batteries and i have no charger which is maybe why im talking really "shortly" or myabe i always talk like that. but yeah i kind of wanted to share that or just... at least ... problaim the wonder that Christ has done in me, not for my own glory but so that all (those people that read my blog haha) may see God's goodness and also be encouraged :) sorry for long post. i guess this is kind of contradictory to my previous post hahah :S

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I find that I am feeling less and less compelled to share with people whether it be about my present or past state... i'm also beginning to realize what so many have said about the impacts of co-op on your social relationships. :S i guess i am not feeling great?