Retreat reflections I

So as some of you may know I am at my church's summer retreat for the long weekend! while it has been fun and a good time of learning about unity (the theme for the retreat) i just wanted to drop a quick blog because i know after i leave retreat i won't be blogging about what has hit me so far because i am lazy. anyway i feel like i have made two major realizations (apart from what i've learnt from sermons and spending time with people)

A) i HAVE changed. if you have read my blogs from before there have been some rather depressing ones where i often talk about how i never really learn from the lessons that God gives me. IN PARTICULAR i struggle a lot with lonliness and in my times of discouraging solitude i've tended to seek the company of people to fill that void in my life where i am lonely. in the past week prior to this retreat, i had those feelings emerge again. Times when i've felt really alone and unloved. I realized that in both those times when I began to feel those emotions, i instantly turned to prayer and to seek God and reminded myself that i am not alone at all! that God loves me, cares for me and is always with me :) i'm glad that i HAVE learnt not to go to people first but to seek after God im so glad that God can change hearts, can fix brokenness, and nothing is impossible for Him!

B) another thing that hit is "my old life". during worship, we sang a song that had the ilnes "and i don't want to go back to my old life" (or something like that... haha i don't remember the song name.. but that line was actually really difficult to sing because it made me kind of emotional? not hard to sing in the sense that i don't believe those lines. it was emotional because i really thought back to the time that i did not know Christ personally, when I did not know God and when I did not have the Spirit... and it's really scary! as i think about it i feel more and more as if it is like... a non-existance... i cannot believe that i could ever have lived without knowing God is true and not having Christ as a hope to hold onto. it is really unfathomable after knowing the sweet and deep love of God! it's like once you've had a taste of this love you really cannot go back. so even the thought of going back is insanely scary and sad. so even as i struggle now for Christ in my life to be exalted and to be first, i am encouraged to know that at least i do not want to go back to my old life of darkness, that i hate it!

anyways my computer is running out of batteries and i have no charger which is maybe why im talking really "shortly" or myabe i always talk like that. but yeah i kind of wanted to share that or just... at least ... problaim the wonder that Christ has done in me, not for my own glory but so that all (those people that read my blog haha) may see God's goodness and also be encouraged :) sorry for long post. i guess this is kind of contradictory to my previous post hahah :S