我突然發現~

well things have been interesting to say the least...

so i got something that reminded me of this MV

which was kind of embarassing but i guess cute if i had been watching.. but the rose is very purty and blue. and then someone was dumb and then it got messy and then dramaaa but not actually that much lol

mmm SOMA. is actually kind of funny... at some points. like when countries argue for ridiculous stuff and everyone is lk wutwutwutttt. and i'm just laughing... yarr. typing isn't that easy =( poo i want to be page! = exercise but then again i cannot handle heels.. NEED MORE PRACTICE FOR FORMAL?

also curtis is starting up a youth prayer meeting before felly on fridays and he's trying to implement cell groups with the highschoolers and university people? so i think that's actually really cool and i'm glad the younger people are taking more of an initiative in the church :D yay

feels like a long weekend!

friday: well the day was relatively chill and i can't even remember what i did during school anymore... but anyways i had ultimate afterschool and that was aites. nothing special really. thennn i went to church early to prep for bbt night and jo, nate, and oscie went to eat kfood. i'm glad my friends decided to show up or it would've been phil and i sitting by ourselves =( no friends lol.. anyways for our first event like this that we've ever done i'd say it went alright :) skit was massive embarassment but whatever. at least people came out and the speaker was pretty good. most people seemed to enjoy themselves and it was nice seeing some old school friends and kevin (thanks for getting out of your house!) who hasn't come for awhile =P afterwards we chilled at destiny's til 12ish and it was good. phil got to meet ma friends, thought jo could've been my brother.. hahaa. mm getting late and parents angry so we left and jo slept over and we didn't do much other than sit and chats and a lot of it was about God, Church, and Christianity and it was just so great because i never get to sit down and just talk about how God works in our lives and how amazing He is. so i'm glad to have a close friend who is also Christian and we can share about our faith. so we kind of stayed up til 3-4 AM just talking about our lives/God and we were super tired...

sat: well woke up at lk 1 and went out for some "Afternoon tea" at 2 and then shopped at pmall and i saw a nice blazer for soma but it was like 80 dollars *dies* but i got 25 dollar shoes! hooray ^^ then headed to markville... which blacked out... and everyone was just waiting for stores to reopen but it never did =( so we all had to leave lol interesting experience.. and yeah then went to jo's house and chatted with his dad lol and ate "chut cheen yut ding" >__> he made. yarr and then we went to his felly and i learnt how to melt chocolate and the kids at his church are so cuteee with chocolate stains all over their face. keke.

sun: supposed to have softball practice but it rained =( i was hyped! but sok went to eat pho with a bunch of ppl and it was fun and jokes times. i didn't know adrian was so random lol and then we went to the carnival! at steeles and yonge hahaha took pics >__< lol then bused to markville and didn't get anything T_T i better find something by thurs T_____T this is so bad and last minute!!

all in all super awesome weekend. returning to school not that fun... lol but next weekend to look forward to!

strong strong like a soldier~

so things have been pretty okay. i completely pwned math quiz woots. oh as well as physics. and i have soma to look forward to = missing lots of school! bbt night this friday and super worried about forgetting lines and stuff but i hope it'll be good somehow :) frisbee is also starting and it makes me happy when i exercise ^^ reversing all the effects of late night icecreammm.

things on my mind? just waiting for assignments and summatives to get them over with... i'm actually so anticipating the future. sometimes i feel like i need a huge fresh start. it's not that i'm getting bored or anything maybe... more like i like to meet people? idunno haha either way i'm anxious. i do kind of wish i was more in touch with some people and just talked more. i realize that would mean running tons of msn convos at once and it would be terribly hard to keep track. but i realize there are some friendships that could've carried on better and stuff.. but there's always time to build that back up :)

another thing on my mind is formal i guess. aka prom .. the fact that this night hardly means anything to me makes me feel stupid for stressing about a date. idunno people might interpret this as bitterness because of my frustration with not having a date.... but idunno. i want to be a person that is strong and confident enough in myself to not feel self-concious without a date. but ofcourse i am not like that... but i've talked to some people. and they're just like it's cool and i hope it's cool... >__>

ANOTHER thing. money i suppose. i'm kind of poor.. and then everytime i spend i'm kind of like. oh crud.. i shouldn't be. but then it's not working harder = more money anymore since i think i will get 2000 scholarship. and i can't just go get a job because no one has hired me yet =( booo. i would work lk crap conditions i don't care!! =( i want to work hard so my parents don't have to worry as much T_T but i fail... i guess work hard in uni to try to get best coop jobs and earn more moneys >_<

the final summer

天天都能见面哦你住的也不远
being able to see you every day and you don't live far away
从来就不曾烦恼过时间
there's never been a time that i've worried
在同一个校园看同样那一张脸
at the same school, watching the same face
想不出未来又会有怎样改变
can't think how the future could change
最后一个夏天我们就要说再见
the very last summer, we'll have to say good bye
很想知道你会记得我哪一点
really want to know how you will remember me by
最后一个夏天没有心情去海边
the very last summer, in no mood to go to the seaside
只想静静躲在房间翻照片
just want to quietly hide in my room flipping through pictures
梦还是一样甜我们都还是我们
dreams are still just as sweet, we are still ourselves
睁开眼离别却已在眼前
opening our eyes but can't look away from what's in front
如果努力一点将来也许很有钱
if we perservere bit more, perhaps in the future we will be very rich
那时候什么愿望都能够实现
at that time, whatever wishes can come true
最后一个夏天我们不要说再见
the very last summer, we don't have to say goodbye
只想知道你是否记得这一天
just want to know if you will remember this day

i know this is kind of more like... a love song.. but i think it's somewhat applicable to now. this is the final high school year, the final summer, etc. but this talk of university is just as exciting and i guess this kind of related to friends.. in a naive sense maybe. like how you always expected to be friends forever and forever.. not seeing how the future could ever change. and this being the last summer a lot of ppl see this as good bye. and it's true. to a lot of people it is like a goodbye... but to some people we don't have to say goodbye :)
i also liked how the song was like... "i'm not in the mood to go out and have fun at the beach or whatever, but i want to just stay in my room in look at pictures and memories" i like how the song kind of said that in a simple way... it's just kind of nice haha idunno i guess it's just a lot about the future, what will happen, where will we be, having to work hard for it, friends, memories.. etc. yar :)

weekend!

so this was a pretty good long weekend..
fri: baptisms! listening to junior worship team practice for bbt night! getting a ride home just at the right time (God DOES provide!), walking in through the back to joon's tofu then bowing to waiters ^^ and they said zai jian ahahah, got home and walked dog~, got picked up by some g's and went to fmp and ate in the foodcourt ^^ good talk haha

sat: met up with crystal and vaughn mills and took long time shopping and walking the whole mall :) didn't buy anything though so fairly happy but i just like to shop and look anyways. super tired though =(

sun: church, then back to joon's tofu, good food good chat, bus to pmall...bus super late... phil freezing in his t-shirt... aly and i still freezing in our coats. huge accident on steeles >__<, met esther at pmall and lots of window-shopping and didn't buy anything! though i did want to =( tried new yogurt thing tho: personalized yogurt haha it was aites



mon: went to volunteer early in the morning... filed for 3 hours haha T_T bussed around handing in TWO resumes ^^ please hire me peopleee. then went home and went out to eat thai food and tenrens! good times haha and now here... time to watch my cop drama!!

trial #1

so today i finally decided to cook that dukboki i had sitting in my fridge. so i did my youtube maangchi reseaarch and i didn't have anchovies =( but it's okay. anyways i made dukboki for dinner! though it's only supposed to be a snack lol but yes... here is the result:



it wasn't as good as the time i made it with lena. i think i put too much water in this time.. and no anchovies! but overall it was still pretty tasty :) rice cake just naturally tastes good lol. so i suppose i can make this dish in university now. i should totally start a whole photo-blog-of-food-i-can-make-in-uni theme. i think that will be fun keke. watch out you waterloo uni ppl... you might find me in your kitchen sometime!!!

My God is the God who provides

A lot of people see this Easter weekend as just a long weekend and time of school, and while that is nice, it's really come a long way from what these past days actually mean for humanity. And we should be grateful for what Jesus did and know that He has risen!

Also it's so great and encouraging to see people getting baptised.. even if you don't know them... just to see people not afraid to profess their faith to people and to see others also be joyous for them. it makes me so happy haha

but actually that's not really what i wanted to talk about mostly. As some people may already know I'm going on a STM to China this summer for 2 weeks and teaching English to students around my age. To be honest, I wasn't sure at first whether God wanted me there, but I felt He had prepared and shaped me for this next step of my obedience to Him. The biggest obstacle in this case was financial struggle. I know it's something i should leave in God's hands, and to have faith that He will take care of that worry.. but my parents are not Christian, family income has gone down so much..., university next year... when i was explaining to my parents how i wanted to go and that it was actually fairly cheap for the stay/food stuff and my dad explained the family financial situation... I was crying quite a bit. asking myself why had i spent this and bought that and not saved when i could've... and stuff it was just a very bad time. but in the end, i found out church could give subsidies and my parents are allowed me to go. However I kept praying for my parents, praying for my family, and praying for the STM .. for spiritual preparation and for financial aid. i don't think i doubted God but i still had fear.. what if the subsidies weren't enough? what if my parents had to borrow money? etc.

however, today something that really moved me and filled me with happiness, gratefulness, just an amazing feeling that is indescribable, happened. One of my leaders and sisters in Christ gave me what appeared to be a letter for my STM. I usually like to open these things in private, so i packed it away in my bag... I got home and assumed it would be an encouragment letter as she just returned from a STM herself, so i opened it up and in the middle of the packaged letter (it was folded nicely) was a cheque. the feeling i felt at that time... maybe a bit scared but also a "oh snap. God answered my prayers and gave me peace in my fears" kind of feeling. infact i was so scared i didn't want to focus on the money.. so i read the letter first. i was expecting like 20 dollars. but it was a lot more... I was just so taken aback.. by her act of generosity, her concern to my situation, and how she really reflected God's love. Even as I write this... I am in disbelief. It was such a selfless act and so just... no one has ever done this and this will be an amazing way to witness to my parents. I also feel stupid. God has come to my aid so many times. why haven't i learnt to fully trust without worry?! God's existence is proved so powerfully through people like this... AHH i'm still so "感動" for all the chinese readers..

他們在哪裏呀？

今天我覺得我朋友像忘了我。 覺得不是真的朋友。。 我真的是傻瓜。 故事是這樣： 今天下課的時候我去玩飛盤。 完的時候是5：30 及我知道他們的羽毛球是大約5點玩完 最不好是我今天忘記帶我手機 所以我問朋友幫我打電話給他們。 我們說會在一條街見面。 我怕他們會比我早所以我快去不過好累。。。 我到那裏的時候不見人所以我去地鐵站看看。。 最怕是他們已經走了還是進入地鐵站的下面。 我拍他們會生氣會對我不好。。。 所以我站在行人路等。。。 我想我5：45 在學校裏開所以大約等到6：20。 我怕他們還等我不過我都要走不想我父母擔心我。 我一路回家的時候想著這件事， 好怕我怎麽跟他們說， 怎麽面對他們。 我真的好對不起， 我真怕他們為我等好久。 是我不好天天都忘記手機。 我回家的1.5 鐘頭我很傷心因爲我不知道怎麽做。 我一個人， 沒有電話， 自己一個女生， 也好冷。。 都好怕。 那就是故事。 上msn的時候我快快找朋友來告訴我怕的東西。。。

跟著一個應該等我的朋友上msn。 是接電話的人。 我說好對不起， 也問他他們到底等在哪裏？ 他就說： 好對不起， 可能是我的錯。 三個人去了吃飯所以我以爲你陪著他們去， 所以我到那條街我不見你， 我就走。

其實我什麽東西都不應該怕。。。是因爲沒有人為我等。 沒有人等我來。是不是因爲他們忘了我啊？是不是因爲不是真的朋友，他們不理我？到底是什麽理由。 其實那三個人之間一個女生是我很好的朋友。 打電話給他們的時候他應該知道我來吧。 爲什麽他都要走。 爲什麽我自己一個人要等著那麽久 其實我是等著不會來的人。 他們應該有一個理由。 不過今天真的覺得好寂寞。。。

they don't know

dangit coming home on the subway i was talking to my friend irene and we were just chatting and i'm not sure how i got to the topic but she told me how two girls were saying stuff about me and calling me.. names that i would never say that are very mean =( and it's so ridiculous because i haven't done anything to them and i actually thought that we were on good terms... APPARENTLY NOT? T___T it's not like i pick fights with ppl at school >__< they also don't even know the context of things... alksjdfd this is so troubling. one girl, while watching a video of show, said something about how i broke kevin's heart and i'm such a beeeep... BUT SHE DOESN"T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE SITUATION WAS LIKE. good thing irene backed me up and was like "you don't even know her!" and stuff and then she shut up...and then the other one liked this guy who sent me a candygram or something except it was lk a quarter of a piece of half a paper!!! so she got jealous and called me a playerrrrrr T____T it's not like i sent HIM one... ugh less salina-hate plz =( and it's not like this is the first time either. this is so dumb =( i think i'm just upset that this happened because i never thought it would. i try to not have ppl hate me... it'll die down in a few days and i just won't care anymore but just having learnt this it's really saddening >__<

You have been killed by [insert username]

i really like to chill after felly. luckily for me jon lives up in markham and driving me home is okay for him. so we go to caius' house and game haha CALL OF DUTY ...4? maybe haha but wooow caius plays so much he memorizes all the maps and knows immediately where someone is by watching their screen, throws it in their direction, and then kills someone. IT WAS RIDICULOUS... anyhow when it got to my turn i wasn't half bad ^^ i know jon and jason were just fooling around so that's maybe why i got half the kills, and 1/3 is prob from flukes haha but still i knew all that halo playing/TRAINING back in the day would aid me in life at some point haha but yeaaaah wewts go me~

looking forward, looking back

i know i posted a lot about not wanting to leave highschool but as the end is drawing nearer I'm really looking forward to university... maybe it was due to my visit into waterloo and how fun it seemed to be able to live on your own and then all the things there are to look forward to in that, and also to be in a new environment, etc. i really do feel that i want to treasure the 3-month time span that really remains of my highschool career but i think i'm having even more fun anticipating the future. It's also really strange that I am so looking forward to what's to come... I don't even know where i want to go nor exactly what i would like to do. i did end up getting into u of t... but lamee i'm too dumb to be offered more than 500 dollars~ it just doesn't really trouble me all that much i suppose... i think right now i'm on a take life as it approaches sort of thing and i'm not sure if it's the right way to take things.. well we'll see where God is taking me :)