2008 reflection...

i don't really feel like sleeping... again. >__< it's so bad too cause i was so tired from a really long day but OH WELL. i just realized that today is the last day of 2008, although it really doesn't feel like it.. HOW TIME PASSES SO FAST.. so i thought it would be appropriate to take this time while i'm not doing anything anyway.. to reflect on how this year has been. although this year has been full of interesting things i think it's actually been less.. dramatic than 2007/2006.. i also have to pull memories from before the summer and even back to Jan 2008 and that is hard so i'm really basing a lot of these generalizations on recent occurrences (i.e. this school year). I think it's always nice to look back and reflect and realize how much wiser you've become and how i have learnt from my mistakes, while still failing a lot.. but still better :) it's kind of hard to reflect and generalize... i see 2008 in 3 chunks... the 07-08 school year (i.e. before the summer break), the summer break, and this 08-09 school year so far.
- The first section was interesting i suppose haha. it really pushed me to learn from my experiences, to try and not make the same mistakes, and i think a time of pretty good spiritual life.. i had a lot of support from school friends and it was really nice, and i think i miss that so maybe that should be one of those new years resolutions keke. I guess since it's been awhile, all the stuff that happened is not a big deal anymore, which is nice, i already have enough to think about now! but as far as i can remember now, i didnt end that year on such a bad note. i had a lot of good times and lots of fun
- but probably not as much fun as i had in the summer. Summer was probably one of my best summers ever. Softball started off my summer amazingly and my social life was reallyyy alive. I felt like I had tons of people to hang out with and even over in Asia like in Korea with Namjin and Ryan and then in HK where a lot of people met up and that was sweeet. plus even when i didn't have anyone to hang out with i loved going out shopping and just walking around on the streets. i love hk T__T i also hung out with dan and got to know his friends and that was nice. FIREWORKS. crystal too, i'm so glad i'm still good friends with herrr <3 and coming back from asia was absolutely amazing with more SOFTBALL. although i felt like this year i missed out on hanging out/we just didn't hang out as much, it was still amazing. I could go on.. but i shouldn't. it was basically amazing
- this school year has been.. also amazing. WELL i got quite a good mark. although not reflective of my top 6 but it's still a nice accomplishment.. unfortunately everything is going by so fast i'm a little sad since it is my last year in highschool/at UTS. i'm a little sad though that i made the most friends with other grades in my last year... cause i'm just going to be sad to leave them when i have to go haha but always gotta move on.. but yeah i've just been getting to know new people and i love them they are amazing. i just get so much joy from meeting cool people. it's really been full of laughter more than anything, not saying no times of unhappiness, but i've been enjoying it really almost to the fullest. i also love getting to know people again, it just makes me so happy O_o although university apps are just really ..ajsdkfa right now.. i've been having a blast. (aljfa lotsa work/stress coming though!)
WELL i guess all i can really say about this year is that it's been GREAT and i can only be grateful for that (hehe) it's too bad i realized it so late but better late than never (not "lei doh ho gwoh say" lol) i should be more thankful for everything that happens... i feel like i'm going to be making a lot of these new years resolutions =S darn. well i'm glad i'm spending the last highschool new years eve with probably my closest hs friend, who i was tightest with in gr 8 but it kind of went up and down but despite the times apart, we were good enough friends to still be able to be good friends even after time apart. MUST END THIS YEAR OFF WITH A BANG and by bang i just mean positivity. Being unconfident and stressed out gets me negative so easily.. i should work on that too.. it sounds lame like "be positive!" but i honestly think if you want to have fun and be happy, a lot of it comes from your own take on things and if youre not positive about it..how do you expect to be happy... hmmm byebye 2008, welcome 2009... omgosh i'm graduating hahah

recently...

1) shampoo got into my eyes T__T it stung :(
2) i went more shoppings
3) realized half of break is over
4) no hmwk is done
5) less confused, more concerned
6) more panicked, more worried
7) no plans T__T
8) more tired, less sleep... more like can't sleep
9) 我超想念他， 不過說不出口。。。

i love eating

but don't have the metabolism to balance it all off. hahaha basically i'm getting fat. time to start doing more exercise and eating less at night (my favourite past time) :[
on the brighter note, i've more or less completed by holiday shopping and it's terrible but now i just want to buy more clothes =( i have a whole list of what i want and it sucks cause i wish i wasn't so ... wanting stuff T__T it's all just because of that one time i got a deal on a sweater and now i want to take advantage and get cheap deals everywhere! =(
i went to stc today though and it's nice cause i haven't been there in so long!! i still remember being 7 years old and being fascinated by the balloons XD i can't wait til boxing day! shopping with crystal and sherry =) they give good advice hehe
so it was good shoppings times today and movie.. i haven't seen a movie in so long T__T hopefully more holiday fun to comeee

Thinking Over

I've been searching for a reason
And I'm running out of time
I can feel that it's the season
It's time to make up my mind

And I can't really tell you
what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to
walk down and one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the
things that you've said
Thinking over the things...

the last week~

WOW what a week of ups and downs that was just ridiculous haha
1) ONTOP OF ALL THAT STRESS, my harddrive crashed.... i really hope i haven't lost all my files on it and that they are still recoverable =( i will be so sad.. ALL MY HK PHOTOS/MUSIC/VIDS... haiya but it's okay i guess if i do. i think i've been really learning to "move on" and don't focus too much on things that have passed although something from the past has recently come back up again... dumdumdum
2) lol everyone ditched me that day after the basketball game cause everyone thought i was staying but i wasn't!! =( and that's when i went home and discovered my computer died *cries*
3) CAFE BLANC was not thaaaat bad .... well people said it was pretty good.. but guitar was too quiet >__< jan was nervous and sped up in the beginning but we pulled it together by the 2nd verse so i think it was aites =) well i guess i'll judge after i see the vid. Staying late was also interesting... hung out with FAT and heard some random stuff.. kevin didn't stay cause he is too busy with work =( andddd went home with scott, dwang, and chris cao.. such a random group of people hahah
4) JAY CHOU i could probably go on and on about how much i loved it... and how much i miss it =( he sounds amazing live and although he can't dance kekekekeke it's still entertaining PLUS i still cannot believe i saw jay chou.. live.. it's like a dream~ highlights: HE SANG ANJING my favouriteee and he added in this bit about toronto and at the end of the chorus it goes "wo tai ai ni" and everyone screamed it (yaaah including meeee) and it was AWESOME. i really indulged the asianness and just did whatever even if it seemed lame cause it was fun ^^ and no one will see you again so it won't matter if i looked like an idiot!, NAN QUAN MAMA cameeeee amgosh i can't believe i saw them as well. so darn pro. 2 in 1 deal!!!, they did the duel from secret, he played that really fast upbeat song that really got the pro fans going =P it was so darn funnnn
5) not so fun is getting home at 12 and writing candygrams til 2 30 T__T but it's okay...
6) Holiday breakfast is so nice... you go to school knowing you don't have to do anything and every class is like a break... GOOD FEELING. during 2nd/3rd, they were throwing snow at each otherrr. kevin is finally not busyyy but he had to take that time to do my candygrammm. candygrams... i love getting these things.. these are the things i will have to remember my experience by :) and too bad these are my last ones... holiday concert was shortened cause of the snow storm =( but sok i was still goood, and last time singing 12 days of christmas like that. i think the new .. thought? this year is .. JUST DO EVERYTHING cause you'll never get the chance to do it again.. so rather not have to regret it later and have some fun! hehe
7) going to tenren's with girls and bussing with Judith. Good chatting and talking time that we haven't done in awhile :) and also freezing out in the cold... LESSON: do not wear converse in winter when there is a lot of snow... so not warmmmm T__T
8) BREAKKK - gotta film english *cries*, get to hang out with peoples, dance practices, kkkkk, two weeks is actually really short...
but i kind of want to go to school too because it's our last year and like i do want to spend time with people i don't usually spend time with. but university apps.. dang..

SUPPLIES

i feel like a lot of people around me (well like 3) have been suddenly hit with stress from out of.. seemingly no where. Well honestly the day started kind of slow and it was really weird with Kevin :\ but i got through the day despite physics being terribly slow T__T i learnt hiphop kind of... forgot it though cause i had to rush to street to learn POPPING AND LOCKING which i definitely look like a fool doing. but i think street is sometimes stressing but at the same time a nice social destressing time. no matter what we do, street is always full of laughter and i really love that. kevin and nick are the only ones who are good at popping and locking and jeffyu is just tackling it in the most nonserious way. nick t is just laughing/sitting on the side XD trying to teach park to do this "girl's stance and like BOUNCE" ahhaha then like 2-people solo. SO AWKWARD but so hilarious. i must have the healthiest diaphragm ever. i wish i could show somehow how much i love this little group of people who just have fun but i don't know how lol i'm a little sad it'll be over in january tbh. okay i'm straying away from original point of blog XD BASICALLY STREET WAS SO FUN. set painting wasn't bad either. i'm not committed for sure to it but it's nice to drop in and help out where and when i can =D i guess it's similar to how i have fun at street.. that it's just really chill and it's almost as if you're just hanging out with a bunch of people. i was also in charge of ordering pizza ^__^ i guess it just feels nice to belong somewhere? anyways too bad setcon ends at like 9 T__T and we left early.. so i got home at 10 30... and logged onto firstclass only to find TONS of red flags on all these conferences. half of them were useless but WHERE did this flood of STUFF come from?! First thing i read was about 3 clubs that couldn't get their picture taken because one member wasn't there and it's getting tight for time since break is in 4 days... and it's just very annoying for me and i feel terribly bad for farheen. THEN i opened another email about CAFE and how there weren't guitars available at school for some reason so i'm really WORRIED cause i don't have a guitar T__T i'm sure they'll find a way but it doesn't help the stressing out that's beginning to surface. THEN I ALSO HAVE TO WASH MY HAIR which is annoying late at night because i have other things to do and i have to blowdry.., i had art homework, cindy sent me the edits from ms drake about club blurbs and it's like uhhh *edit*, discuss, SEND MORE EMAILS REMINDING PPL ABOUT CLUB PHOTOS basically in the end it was extra-frustrating because i my fc was lagging/disconnecting, i had so many messages open i didn't know what thing to tackle first and then i also have to make signs for pub club... T__T which was what i was doing now until i felt the urge to really blog about it because it was frustratinggg. TRUST TRUST TRUST have faith. Bible study last felly: "don't be afraid, just believe." i guess i'm being tested right now haha. KAY i think the first step is to do some real work or just go sleep. maybe some art and i shall go.. *haiz* it'll be awesome by the end of this week, i know i know i know it will. AJAJA HWAITING

one more week!

until da break~ and i'm an idiot for deciding to blog at 3 am in the morning but i feel like i haven't blogged in awhile... it's also freezing in my room and i'm going to wear a sweater to sleep tonight =( it feels bulky >__< well i'm doing alright now generally... school's .. okay.. got to get an english topic to do my documentary on =S i want something not tooo hard T__T but it's so cool to be in other people's documentaries =D family stuff is aites. it's definitely better than before ^^ university is floating around but don't want to think about it... scholarships are.. i don't know... not sure of my chances really.. friendships are pretty stable.. i don't know what's going to happen with somebody..
i feel so "i don't care" towards a lot of things right now and that's bad because i need motivation =( but well lots of good things are coming up.. going to have do some:
holiday shopping [about this, it's amazing how less stressed you get when you don't have to go shopping for people and worry if they like it or not... "the girls" decided to not buy each other gifts and instead enjoy a nice dinner together and i'ts a relief knowing i don't have to destroy myself by thinking of what to get them]
cafe blanc (hope we don't screw up)
jay chouuu [this is honestly the best day ever? it's going to be really chill because of last day of full classes before the break, after school chilling time .. i get to see michelle ku, maybe play mahjong with dwang and normie, dwang wants to eat a 2 hour dinner with kbbq... so i guess i'm going to be eating with all the s5 jay chou kids but they're quite jokes, JAY CHOU woooooots i might also seem simon and dimsum cause they're in the row infront of us ^^RON IS ALSO GOING AND A BUNCH O OTHER PPL]
last day of school before break [holiday breakfast so yummmmy and i think it's cheaper this year keke, candygrams.. these are actually my favourite well mostly if they are more personal but it's nice if you get them from someone and you think "oh yay i was important enough to them for them to consider sending one to me ^^" and esp if it's not generic messages like "have a great winter" haha. and esp since this is last year i want to leave with good "souvenirs" of my hs experience... which is why i'm glad i talk to arnold cause he can write me one now and i can remember that we have been great friends despite a dry period in the middle! and then after that girl-time chillage tbd but it's been awhile since it was just girls, the 5 of us, hanging out and it'd be nice to get girl bonding time hehe]
sat is not as exciting but more giftwrapping time T__T
sunday baptismal service =D [jon wong, preston, and anthony are all getting baptised and that is really awesome =D i hope to hear their testimonies!! and i hope lots of malachites come to be supportive =D]
after sunday occurreces:
- fellowship movie day (maybe)
- dinner at julie's house
- CHRISTMAS ofcourse
- boxing day shopping? hahaha

confidence confidence

thinking about self-esteem and having people talk to me about it always makes me kind of very sad on the inside... i don't think people realize when they do certain things and i'm sure they don't mean it, but it really makes me think a certain way. like how i am not good and stuff.. but i guess at least if it's the truth i know that i'm not good at something but then.. everyone is good at something... everyone can name one skill that they are really good at..some people are really smart at something, very good at a sport, singing, music whateverrr it is.. ppl can name one. i can't name one about myself. i'm not particularly excelling at anything. i'm just about average/below average for everything... and people say "oh but you're friendly" THAT IS NOT A SKILL T__T everyone is pretty much friendly. haiz. i think a lot of the time i'm looking for encouragement, for someone else to confirm that i can do it/i'm good at something cause i don't trust my own judgement.. but whenever i don't get the kind i need i always get sad and feel like i'm not good at anything. i don't think that people should lie about it and not be honest, i think that honesty is important. but i don't even know what i "want" i mean ... i just want to be confident in my abilities.. whatever they may be. i feel like i'm stuck in the pit and i always try to climb out of it but it just doesn't work. i forget about it for awhile but once a stumbling block comes up, i'm right back at the bottom. i don't know where i'm meant to be in the future, and honestly very worried about it. I really wish i could never have to worry, and just TRUST that things will be okay. but i am to scared...why am i such a troubled personn... T__T

with the exception of getting my math test back i think today was really fun =) i think i'm actually getting dumber >__< but yeah um so the majority of the day was really chill. learning to play new chars on smash =D afterschool was house lipsynch and i was part of s6 althouse!! who i believe was the only s6 house to do their own ^^ but i'm glad i took part in it before i graduated. i'd say it's a cool experience. plus adam venis threw 60 dollars at me for being entertaining and bringing him to tears. and i hope that is in the good way >__< there were also other amazing acts, like a teacher dance choreographer by tallup and boneless!!! and WONDER GIRLS T__T no fair.. but if we weren't going to do it at least someone did! after that i helped set up for the dance which is cool. i feel very in the "dancecom crew" says polly keke =) funny how late nathan stayed.. jujunaynay problems =( but jks times with polly ^__^ then we eat some free pizza that was ordered by dcom and thenn we went to SWISS CHALET so good ^__^ and we were eating when the dance started and everything but there was really little turnout this time so i stayed out for the majority of the time. i was also really tired >__< so i played hangman, did some bouncing.. AND GOT BULLIED BY PEOPLE T__T i an really not cut out for the job.., chatted with people. but i'm glad that i was really able to talk to just random people, "the girls", and exchanged wise words with arnold and irene from sitting outside which is nice. i also had a nice mando conversation with dwang XD about random stuff. oh yah two very interesting things happened but i can't say but =OOO nick and dwanggg they are very entertaining. i really like chatting with them and it's nice that they trust me with stuff and how nick was so ready to tell me haha cause he was so happy, and it was his birthday as well ^^ good day for little nick. i think i'll miss them when i have to leave.. norman also talks to me haha he's so jokes.. and christopher cao? and damon ahah and rahim O_o guess this s6 year is full of making new friends, and revisiting old ones. which i like =) i also talked to kevin T__T it's so weird when lk people kind of think stuff but they're not really sure and it's just weird and i still don't have an answer but idunnoo what will happen. as arnold said la.. "just go with the flow"

T__T math fail

i have been using the T___T face a lot recently and that's because it's how i think i feel >__< i had a math test today and it was kind of terrible O_o i knew this unit was hard but i didn't think i was thaaat unprepared. i guess cause i expected more proving stuff and less solving for actual values and things. so i am not confident about any of my answers and it's highly possible that my test percentage is 60-75% which is pretty bad for MATH... i feel so troubled
today i was talking to someone and they said "if you can pull off a 93% without trying very hard... just imagine how you could do if you did!" IT"S TRUE. i think i have the capability to do better if i tried harder and did extra i could definitely do well... DO I WANT TO THOUGH? i'm also really consumed with other things like twig, culture show, volunteering, scholarships, tutoring..

what's the next step? seeking guidance from God!

i'm finding it hard...

I think maybe i'm trying to do too much and not having the ability to manage it all. And it's really frustrating. I keep want to do more because i want to experience doing this, doing that etc. and i already have a lot on my plate... FOH, dance practices x2, PRACTICING DANCE at home (especially street), twig clubs stuff, tutoring, SCHOOLWORK >__<, volunteering, scholarships. EVERYTHING seems to be piling up and really feeling stressed. but more than that i'm frustrated at myself for not being able to focus and concentrate and prioritize things that i need to have done. i set around doing nothing for awhile because i don't want to start work and it's absolutely terrible when it's 10 at night and haven't done anything. Then i feel frustrated for not having time to do the "fun" things cause i have to do work and now i am really noob at breakdancing when if i had practiced all along i think i would be much better. I let myself down so much.

And then we talked about other people letting us down in sunday school, when people forget things they told you they would do etc. And how we get frustrated at them for stuff like that. but then think about it... how often do we let God down. We say we try to improve, try to do better, don't do this cause we know it's bad, etc. Humans are so imperfect... I think if i stopped letting God down, i would stop letting myself down so much, cause i only really do have myself to blame. Time to get my life together again! and hopefully not have it falling apart too much. At least now i catch myself before i fall too deeply into the whole lazy cycle. Even jo and kevin are being more studious than i am :|

pro !

need sleep~

my blog titles are actually terrible. but whatever >_< so this has been a tiring week but i think it's also been quite fun and also stressing... I've had a lot of good times with people this week =) Firstly, just talking to people i don't usually talk to in our grade always makes me happy. makes me feel less disconnected and isolated into one group of friends (not saying it's a bad thing) and to know that i'm on friendly terms with people :) on tuesday there was buddy lunch.. but it kind of failed.. on wednesday i went on my "lunch date" with dwang and nick. they are such jokes and fun people to chill with i think i will miss some s5s haha but yes it was at this secret chinese place! and so cheap~~ but i was late for math >__< but i think it was worth it since mr ianine doesn't care anyways and we talked about games hehe. lk gunbound !! that was definitely a highlight. another highlight was ms drake talking about breaking documentary, watching that breaking documentary, and seeing my inspiration BGIRL RED ^__^ that made my night. and distracted me from data XD chilling with ron at YCH was also pretty cool because we were let off an hour early because there wasn't any work we could do so we sat around and talked about random stuff which is nice since we're usually half filing/half talking so it's actually hard to talk.. i've also been staying up late playing room escape games >__< so i've been really tired recently and also with dance practices and things but i think overall it's been a good week. except for talking about the future, and how i'm kind of stuck, and i should've gone to public school etc... my social life was quite nice this week =) and this lady at the hospital said i had a beautiful name! ^^

social life at the end of a busy week

yesterday was friday ^^ finally and as usual it's my take a break day =) so most of the day was pretty easy going. played some original smash/mario tennis during spare =)but never made my cup noodles unfortunately =( but not a big deal =) i treated my buddy and two of her friends to baskin robbins! and we were late for class.. but they didn't seem to care much haha and then finally after math and everything it was the END OF SCHOOOL ^__^ uum so afterschool i hung out with kevin for an hour.. dunno what to think about that..but then afterwards i went to see the TWIG ppl and we talked about most likely's ... wha mine is not amazing.. then i went downstairs cause polly and jan left so i talked with arnold and then bg and julie a bit. but just like this really simple hanging out time made me really happy because i haven't really talked to arnold in such a long time and we used to be very close in grade 7-9and then just not being in the same "crowd" anymore caused us to drift apart. i also talked to jacob a bit and that also made me really happy. we used to be really good friends in grade 7 and early grade 8 but then for certain reasons things became really awkward and again we drifted far far apart... we couldn't even say hello in in the hallways. and after 6 long years... and also due to the fact that his locker is only one away from mine now.. we finally are able to actually just talk about regular stuff without it being weird. i can't believe it took so long! however there are still so many ppl i've drifted away from but at least it's not as awkward with them =P it reminds me of the movie "5 centimetres per second" where it's the speed at which cherry blossoms fall to the ground, representative of how we all start close together but as life goes on, we slowly drift apart.... so sad haha anyhow after that i went to eat korean food ^__^ always yummy but i was super tired so i went to sleep on the subwayyy and went to felly a bit late but that's okay we were decorating the church for Christmas and it just felt very festive and family-like =) there were also some really good doritos haha now i want to go to walmart and buy them! yah that's my friday and now i have to go work on english after my dad comes home with food and LAI CHA <3 i'm glad i've learnt to take things easier, life becomes much better. i still have my times of like frustration and worries but those pass by quickly =)

song =)

把愛深埋在記憶中　說不出口一種難過
Contain love deep inside our memories, a sorrow that is hard to express
給祝福太多　不能覆蓋我的痛
giving out too many blessings but unable to hide my pain
你要轉身你要走　不在多作停留
you wanted to turn and leave, can't stay here any longer

分開是誰說沒什麼　最難的決定是放手
who said parting is nothing, the hardest decision is letting go
眼中的落寞　說得都是我的錯
the lingering lonliness in the eyes say it was my fault
當你笑著揮揮手　你的沉默我懂
as you smile, waving your hands, i understand your silence

請別說愛我　推我向晴天
please don't say you love me and push me towards sunny days
最溫暖的天空　卻換了季節
the warmest skies but the seasons changed
在絕望的面前　灑落一地心碎
in front of despair the ground is all scattered with pieces of my heart
就算是傷悲　我不想太狼狽
even if i'm hurt i don't want to be too embarassed

請別說愛我　別許下心願
please don't say you love me, don't make more promises
下一秒就出現　你給的紀念
the memories you gave will appear in the next second
風吹過的思念　曾有過的眷戀
a longing that the wind blows by, nostalgia of what i've had

哭紅了雙眼 再讓我心痛一天
two red eyes from crying, giving me another day of heartache

good thing for message history

message history is amazing. it's also amazing to have 12 archives with a friend and stay up til 2:30 AM with school the next day just going through them and laughing about all the ridiculously hilarious and stupid things we've said. it really makes me miss the things that have changed and wish i could "go back to that time" however i know it's important that it has happened but i should be looking towards the future.. and not regretting the things that are different now. =)

on the other hand the future is scary but i got my report card ^^ anddd i have to go rewrite my entire essay... yah..

a conversation about food is the best way to avoid doing english

what started as a conversation about pocky sticks being really good then turning into a conversation about how to eat french toast (西多士）and then talking about ham and egg sandwiches and then DUMDUMDUM convo about marks hooray =( i haven't gotten my report card yet so i don't know what to say.. however i should probably really concentrate on english =(

long weekend!!

this is going to be a very pointless post.. but things i hope to do over the weekend!!

TODAY (aka friday)- shopping with irene and wendy? :) winter clothes~ and then fellowship/session with phil and nicholas!! and phil wants korean cause he is quite the korean boy now! i'm quite excited for this. super church friends hang out day ^^ good thing for PA days =D and good thing York is on strike haha

SATURDAY - oscar's partay! which i hope i can go to. and i hope jan can go to... cause it doesn't seem like polly or judith are going... haha but yah itl'll be a nice break for a change! i'm using way too many exclamation marks but i'm just so happy now

SUNDAY - CHURCH ^^ and then dt hangout time with somebody ? suggested santa clause parade hahah but probably chinatown? i want to go and be a tourist again...

MONDAY - CAFE BLANC PRACTICE TIME. i'm so happy i think we sound not bad ^^ hopefully.. we need to record and listen and stuff too bad my karaoke machine is so far from my piano! lol and then GIRLS hangout time hopefully. it's been awhile when it has just been the 5 girls so i think this will be pleasant and very nice =)

AND THEN THINGS I DON"T WANT TO DO OVER THE WEEKEND BUT WILL HAVE TO FIT IT IN AT SOME POINT.. AMIDST ALL THE FUN:

1. Hamlet English Essay .. gotta get it done by tuesday so she can edit it cause i suckkk at english.
2. Physics Lab....... can't let my physics mark drop >__<

and thaaat is my weekend =) i'm excited cause it sounds amazing!

cont'd

well now that i'm done my little blurb on friendship... IDUNNO being back in this kind of situation again has been nice and i think i've started off much better than before... everything is pretty relaxed and casual and i like it that way but i'm starting to feel that expectancy coming up again and i know it's going to be very bad if i can't control it... he treats me really well and he's really considerate and i feel bad for pushing him away and ignoring him sometimes but it's only cause i'm scared to get too emotionally attached or something. i wish i could talk about all my concerns and things i'm worried about but i really can't find myself to bring it up and bring a too serious and naggy tone to the relationship. today i found myself getting very annoyed and i feel bad because i know he was only there because of me... and not for any other reasons but i think once again i have problems trusting him just because of his background and his friends. however i really honestly know it's not his fault and how can i even complain when i'm the one who always avoids him and is keeping my distance when he's the one that is actually making more of the effort. maybe it's cause i'm still unsure of his feelings?

friendship and love... ship

I guess this is going to be a big two in one kind of blog... i went to school early today and did some contemplating about stuff in general and i felt very thankful. Things have been going alright and i'm trying not to let school and little naggy things get me down. I guess this is ironic because i kind of completely let things bug me today as the day progressed but that's besides the point. I must say I'm really thankful for friends that i have, but i realized there have been some people i've been very close with a couple years ago and i'm happy i've realized that i can still trust them and confide in them if necessary... just very open to telling them things and i think that's nice =) however i feel as if the friends now is a constant struggle and up-and-down thing... sometimes it's good sometimes it's not so great... maybe it's just the people they are. i feel like it's waivering a lot and sometimes i get a little let down and then i start to not want to hang out with them as much. which makes me feel i have no realy tight friend to trust and stuff.. but i think i am really lucky because unlike a lot of the group of friends at school i have out of school friends that i have fun with too. Is it better to have lots of friends or a couple of close ones? I think i've been in both of these situations before but i realized it doesn't really matter as long as your relationship with God is good... either way you will have fun with the few tight friends or you will have fun with all your many friends but people aren't perfect and will not always know what you're thinking, know what you need, know what's wrong, and won't always be there. but He will =) there's this song that i really like...
a song about friendship!
一個人的晚餐無聊寂寞
one person's boring lonely meal
兩個朋友能開心的直說
two friends can openly and happily talk
三個人可以給妳勇氣
three people can give you courage
可以安慰妳的失落
can comfort your disappointment
異口同聲的說
words from different mouthes but the same sound
因為有妳染上新的幽默
because of you i receive a new kind of joy
也因為有妳世界變得輕鬆
and because of you, my world becomes relaxed

我們能相遇非常難得
that we would meet is a work of fate
所以盡情大聲唱歌 分享每一分鐘
so openly sind loudly, make use of every minute
我們擁有一個真心的朋友
we have a true friend
就算有風吹不走我們感動
even the wind cannot blow away our feelings
真的希望妳能夠永遠快樂
i really hope you will always have enough happiness
妳懂我
you understand me
不用說
no need to say it
最想看見彼此的笑容
i really want to see you smile

HAPPY PEPERO DAY

this has got to be the most jokes and cute day ever. In Korea on Nov. 11th, they celebrate Pepero day where people give their loves pepero (or Pocky)!! lol IS THAT NOT SO CUTE?! apparently it was created by Lotte ( super big controlling company in Korea) since Pepero is also created by Lotte... but anyways it's jokes... also jokes is how while they're celebrating love... here in Canada we have remembrance day which is totally different...

i've finally found a hobby

well things are starting to get busy... and by busy i don't mean school work but dance practice! anyways this week... mon, tues, wed i have dance afterschool and two dance practices in the morning on wed so i'm going to be really tired. thurs i have nothing! i'm really worried about the eng essay that is due very soon so i guess i should really do my work! instead of slacking off this weekend. however i ate with crystal and it was nice chatting with her about stuff again. and today i went with some NT-ers to nakwon! (they opened one at fmp!!) i'm really looking forward to friday as well because i'm going to have a breakdancing session with phil and nic at NT before fellowship so i'm really excited to learn some stuff! and ACTUALLY session =) my inverts are getting better too! so in general things are going pretty good. i've been smiling more than usual ^^ i really go to improve that relationship with God though and also work on that self-confidence thing..

equilibrium

when a system reaches equilibrium, it is dead and can do no work... or something like that (from bio, yay i still remember a bit) ANYWAYS i have achieved equilibrium! i feel very bad for not working but i have been staying afterschool everyday this week and then after that sometimes i have extra stuff to lay on like mandarin and volunteering... so i get really tired by the time i get home and i just want to lay around and NOT think of english essays. no work can be done! i feel like i could use this random play time to study or start something for work... or even practice breaking.. but I'M SO TIRED. need to sleep earlier... like right now...ALSO art.. oh my goodness i think my idea is going to get owned or it's going to turn out completely crappy... WHAT DO I DO?! uts is in desperate need of a holiday ...

"i like to dance when i'm stressed"

yay so i made hiphop and street ^^ and in the words of jeff: "BALLIN'" haha =D i'm really happy to be able to at least be not too awkward when i dance. it's something i really enjoy doing. i just wish i was more open with it because you need to have good confidence when you dance and hopefully i can gain this! i've also been having a good time doing dances because i've been able to meet people through it. like this guy in m4 always says hi to me in the hallway and it's just nice and friendly hehe. which makes me sad that i'm leaving next year though so maybe had i done this earlier =( but yah! i hope this means that i can actually dance somewhat well? considering i made it but i know some people who made it also didnt' dance thaaat well so maybe i'm one of those people too! but anyways school will be much more fun with dance practices!

whoops..

welll i guess i was hoping he was different from his buddies but i feel stupid for even considering that? and how i was totally tricked and then on top of that, my emotions got the best of me, once again. and then i was totally blind to it but i should've known! major failz! i feel stupid for having fallen for anythinggg

lalala!

在我脑海里　你的身影　挥散不去
只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠的太近
爱你也需要很大的勇气
爱上你是我情非得已

in my mind your image is hard to forget
i'm scared that i will fall for you
i can't let myself get too close
loving you also requires lots of courage
i just can't help falling for you

expressive

i think i'm a person that really likes to express my feelings and tell people, whether it's sad, happy, frustrated, worried, etc. I think it's because I'm so sensitive about stuff that no matter what the thing is, i become easily affected. and i think recently i've just had a flood of many different emotions. I guess i really like to tell people when I'm happy too because, i'm just so happy about something! i don't know how else to explain it? but often for others, they can't find happiness in those same things and then it becomes big miscommunication!

最近我告訴我朋友我很開心因爲我跟十一年級的男子很好笑。 我每一次看到他們我很高興因爲常常他們讓我可以笑也他們會抱我， 覺得很有友誼的感覺。 我說我很怕我的physics考試他們說“不怕！加油！”哈哈如果它不那麽說他會講幾句笑話。我不可以記得全部不過他們讓我感覺到真的幸福。 可能是因爲在hallway裏他會打我說：喂！你怎麽樣嗎？所以我見到他們我就會開心不過我想告訴我別的朋友因爲我是這麽幸福不過在我別的朋友的方面， 我只是想自誇我自己有很多朋友。 不過真的不是！只是因爲我很開心想告訴別的人聼。 我不知道那麽做會讓到他生氣然後也說很不好的話。 讓我傷心。 讓人人多不開心。 我們兩個多生氣。 不知道怎麽想。 不過我真的高興因爲我覺得我和石一年級的朋友， 講多一點話認識他們多一點！

to improve my chinese skills i'm trying to like translate songs for practice! translation very baad >__>

那裏有彩虹告訴我
能不能把願望還給我
為甚麼天這麼安靜
所有的雲都跑到我這裏

where is there a rainbow that can tell me
if i am able to have my wish ?
why is the sky so silent
for all the clouds have run to me

有沒有口罩一個給我
釋懷說太了多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥
也是我現在正服下的毒藥

is there a mask for me?
if i explain my thoughts too much, they will become false
it could be that time is a type of cure
or actually a poison i'm drinking

看不見你的笑 我怎麼睡的著
你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽還是會繞
沒有理由 我也能自己找

if i don't see your smile, how will i sleep
your shadow is so close but i cannot reach it
without the world, the sun will still revolve
without a reason, i can still go on

你要離開 我知道很簡單
你說依賴 是我們的阻礙
就算放開 但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白

i know it's very easy for you to leave
you said dependance is our biggest hindrance
even if we seperate can i still keep the love
regard it as me finally understanding in the end

happiez

"i think i got better
since korea
just....my overrall
you were my inspiration"

says ryannnn oppa
can't really copy and paste more than that but this makes me so happy to know my existence has made a positive impact in someone's life in any way. he says it's because i'm "a happy camper, and always optimistic,and.....just a pleasure to be around" I don't mean to sound very proud or boastful or anything by blogging about it but I'm just really happy to hear it, especially from ryan who i thought didn't "acknowledge" me that much since our meetings really are very rare. i guess even though i don't feel like i'm like what he describes all the time, i'm glad for some people that's the impression i give off =)

surprise surprise

so today i feel lk i've confirmed something and i'm very... "shocked" in a sense to discover myself in this kind of situation again. unfortunately not in the best position i would want to be in right now but things are just making me both happy and worried and hopefully i take the best possible path, and not let my emotions get the best of me!

goal: gain self confidence

how? i have no idea. i've been trying to think POSITIVE (yay!) and to take things more easily and it was going well but i think at the same time that kind of makes me hold things in then forget about them and then realize they're still sort of there and then there's that just "breaking down" time and i think that's what this week is.

so at street practice, we were doing some breaking stuff and then my friend is just like "juat be confident and you'll do well. stop saying you can't do stuff!" =( it's not the first time people have said it... but i wish i really could be confident and perfectly fine with myself and never comparing myself to others but i can'tttt =( and then when i talk about it maybe people don't take it seriously and they kind of just laugh and don't mention it but idunno i guess for me it's serious and for others .. maybe the don't even see it? it's not that i think i'm "worthless" i'm definitely wondering what my skills are though. i have no "forte".. i don't know what to do =(

i guess on a completely different note... david wang showed me a cute, nice song!
我到了这个时候还是一样
夜里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤
我不敢想的太多
因为我一个人

迎面而来的月光拉长身影
漫无目的地走在冷冷的街
我没有你的消息
因为我在想你

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

Up 'til now i haven't changed
In the lonliness of the night it's easy to be sad
I don't dare to think too much of it
Because I'm alone

facing the moonlight, it strethes the shadows
walking on an endless and cold street
i don't have news of you, because i'm thinking of you now

love me, don't leave
if you say you don't love me
i don't want to hear the truth come out
give me some of your gentleness again

hooray my loosely (badly) translated lyrics are so odd sounding. but it's nice in mando!

poooooo

stuff is really bugging meeee and i am a complete loss as to what to do about it and it's really not even that big of a deal! just that it's kind of random, weird, and questionable stuffs but i'm still very bothered! ..must study english =(

school school school

i'm surprising myself by doing actually.. considerably well in school! on my standards.. probably not by super asian keening standards.. but at least i'm not sad over marks and that stuff =D but the downside is i'm feeling the slacking off starting up again. maybe because now i feel i can put less effort and still do well.. OR i'm just lazy. >__< so anytime now i'm feeling like i will completely flunk at least one of the 3 tests coming up! hooray!

but i think i'm also very proud of myself. i haven't let things affect me too extremely as they used to and i'm really learning how to take things easy although still a little worried about university. trust trust trust!

also bugging me are those s5s O_o sometimes it's nice because it feels lk the beginning of a nice friendship! then you realize it's not really because they just want to say hi in the hallways, then sometimes it seems like it. i'm not sure how to take it =S well at least i actually talk to dwang and stuff. and it's kind of nice to have people care/say hi when you pass by but it's all really shallow. not sure how to take it i suppose

i'm feeling good these days

while surely this will not last and waves of doubt about everything will surely come revisit me again. i'd like to talk as much about my happy times while they do last! today was uts' open house for prospective students and their parents to check out uts and get application forms and information. i signed up to be a tourguide! for some reason it's always been my dream to give a tour of UTS haha but it was really fun and my F1 pair-up was a pretty good partner to have cause she was pretty responsible and answered questions well. Some of the parents this year seemed very intense haha i got a lot of questions similar to: "how many Chinese people go to UTS?" haha.. well it was fun answering their questions although also very tiring because when i got up this morning my legs did not remember how to walk cause they were in such a tired/painful state... so stairs and sitting down = very bad. it's also a good opportunity to meet and bond with students in the other grade. lk the F1 girl who was my partner, silly little andrew chi (he is such a jks little f1 kiddy that he shared his breakfast muffin with me ^^ yay kids), i also got to talk to samik more instead of just having more random chains on firstclass haha, meeting polly's shad friends, drinking second cup drink ^^, distributing pizza!, getting a papercut from pizza box =( haha i guess that's not too fun... but it was a nice day =) OH YEAH i saw pastor ted's wife and his son! ^^ so cool haha yah these littls things put me in a good mood. hopefully no bad little things will change that ^^

super tired (my titles are very unoriginal)

this entire week was overall super tiring... i had a lot of morning street practices as jokes as they were... and many afterschool activities which i have already all forgotten >< but today was really quite a satisfying fun day... i had street practice in the morning, actually spoke to samik in real life ahah, jokes times "popping" in street (really embarassing considering kevin kept looking in my general vicinity and making corrections >__<), totally couldn't solve problems in data, had a nice chat with arnold during 2nd while also making mac&cheese! and a nice little nap, meant to meet ryan at 11 30 but he sucks at waking up so got to join f2 dance class and got taught by "boneless and tall-up" who both auditioned for so you think you can dance canada =D, ryan came at 12 30, "session" with the two guys during lunch, didn't eat lunch, very hungry in art, art was a waste of time..., math was tiring, stayed afterschool a bit doing random stuff, spoke some words of mando with david wang, slept on auditorium stage, ate a bagel!, didn't have a seat on the bus... , went home to finish grad quotes, watched lots of kino's journey, going to open house to be a tourguide =D it's always been my dream! and that must have been very difficult to read through! but im just excited about my day =D esp meeting boneless and tall-up and seeing kevin and ryan popping and locking is very inspiring for me to hurry up and do better!

and hey i have one follower ^__^

100th post guys!

title is irrelevant to post. well today was very interestinggg. we had street practice very early on this morning and i am totally cut but besides the point really... but throughout the day starting from 7:45 am i was bullied by people O_o not like the bad bullying i guess it's more like teasing but i'm thinking about why i'm so easily made fun of again =\ e.g. practice --> nick and kevin are very "in my face" not in a BAD way i guess but at least it was funny? then 3rd period dwang keeps throwing a basketball at me and it really hurts =( and nick carries on with his antics but i think he's just a shy little boy on the inside haha uh and lastly more kevin coming out of the washroom with wet hands and "slaps" me unintentionally. it was kind of weird... but i guess they're all doing it for fun? and i have heard so many times that i need to learn to stand up for myself but not really working yeah.. am i easily bullied cause i'm short? =(

thanksgiving weekend fun!

so far this thanksgiving weekend has been pretty fun =D and i'm trying to not let little annoying things bring me downnn!

ON FRIDAY i went to fairview with alysan afterschool to buy her friend a present =D and it was nice cause we went back to finch and ate korean! and chatted about all kinds of random stuff =) sharon was supposed to come too but her ecxema flared up =( maybe next timee!

ON SATURDAY i went downtown rather early in the morning to eat lunch with dan, andy, andrew, kelvin (?) and andy's frienddd and it was nice seeing them all again and strange that the only reason i know them is through dan lol um andy and girl ditched for shoppings! so we walked all the way over to spadina and dundas for jitz haha got challenged... tim came! went to queens and spadina for more shoppings... went to tim's aunt's stores.. met cousin! lol button store so cuuute. dan had to go back to res for andy, he left on streetcar then we realized we should walk back so we walkedddd from spadina and queens back to eatons and they are quite jks.. what a tiring day lol and we saw dan's res and it's like a hotel :\ no wonder it was so expensive >__< would have been nice to say longer since i prob won't see them very often but i had to meet jo at finchhh then bus then dinner (mac&cheese) then "crying out love from the centre of the world" very long full of silent moments that lasted forever... some jokes moment killers... more random stuff and now i'm blogging... OH YAH JIMMY SAID "salina jie jie" keke that was def a highlight

SUNDAY is planning to eat with esther, sharon, alysan, curtis and carolyn maybe? at korean tofu place! <3 i luff da krn foods and and family bonding day? lol cheung k at home?

monday issss maybe mwan's house.. not sure what to expect from that lol but wow what a variety of spending time with diff ppls this weekend! maybe i should fit in work somewhere...like math ><

mac & cheese

for the very first time, i tried mac & cheese this past saturday and it was amazing. i know it's strange that i've NEVER had it before but oh my goodness so goooood <3 now i know why there are so many kraft dinner commercials STILL. anywho some interesting points of my week...

Tuesday - went to Stratford (passed by waterloo!) and watched Hamlet! fell asleep during second half and good thing Polly woke me up for the fight scene!

Wednesday - House Track Meet and 40 minute classes. so awesome =D it was fun timing and cheering and running like a noob! it's nice to be in my final year in the sense that i can do "anything" i want like stand on the field and not be forced to sit in the stands! ^^ it feels nice also to be involved. i guess this is making up for all the spirit i never had the past 5 years at UTS

Thursday - WHICH IS TODAY! fairly easy day but a bit boring... got to go home early =D which is always a plus and i went to volunteering woots and got my reference letters. I'm very scared because I feel like I'm going to be asking Betty for a lot of reference letters in the future and she might not have time cause she is really so busy. Hopefully she won't mind too much!

On the note of reference letters... I've been looking at scholarships cause it would definitely be good if i could get some scholarships to fund my university because this is really big stress on parents.... but i'm reading through the applications my goodness they are just REALLY intense... it looks for many many achievements and i cannot fill all the boxes! this is very bad to compare but if any of my friends filled it out they would definitely own me cause they are just very... pro with this stuff =( do i have a chance? hopefullys >__<

it all piles up

right now i'm in my very non-confident mode >__< i guess i've sorted some stuff out, thought some more about university but there's so many side things i still have to think about. i realize i'm stuck in a never-ending cycle. Things start to come up, I become scared, thus i don't want to think about it, so i push it back and go do some fun stuff and wait for things to cool off, then more things come up and i'm in the same cycle... worry, play, worry, play and the "do" is mixed in there somewhere...I guess i'm easily influenced, and the littlest things worry and upset me. This is so frustrating =(

well in recent news... today i got very annoyed at how people were acting >__< so I feel like what to do to like avoid getting angry or mad i just walk away and spend some time by myself and just cool off... a;lskd but like it's so frustrating when ppl kind of do something and then they realized that they treated you badly in some way and then they try to make it up by being all like "heyyyy salinaaa" kind of stuff and it's like blah =( whatever i'll try to ignore it. not my business >__<

in other recent news... i guess i kind of want to do street dance or just like a breaking part or something at my school culture show cause it really motivates me to actually practice and stick to it... but a friend was telling me how the coordinator of the dance wants it to be an all boys dance and i think i'm the only girl... and i SORT OF want to do it... high probability that i will be making a fool of myself... so i'm stuck in this dilemma so it's another thing i have to think about

on top of that, always university and school to bug me, and i have to consider the extracurriculars i want to do (should i go back to YCH to volunteer?) and getting a job is high priority as well... ONTOP of that scholarships. i don't have enough space in my head to organize all this !! and on top of this AGAIN i feel very lonely... i don't remember the last time i've got a comforting hug lk a real one.. i can never just sit down with any of my friends and just blurt things out.

we talked about the Sabbath a bit today and it's a day of rest we should all have in our weeks to just relax. i need to relax, chill, and trust in God more. on top of that... sleeping before 12

anticipation

i'm really anxious and waiting for exciting things to come up =) such as.....

1. I AM GOING TO SEE JAY CHOU IN CONCERT! i never thought this day would happen haha but jay chou is coming to toronto and i got the cheapest tickets... but good enough =) they're expensive >__< but hooray. that's for december =P

2. hiphop! i signed up for hiphop for culture show and can't wait til that actually gets started =) considering joining street too haha but iffy cause it would be super awkwards since i'm probably not going to be doing anything for most of the perf XD maybe indian dance.. so cute XD

3. waiting for twig stuff/culture show work to actually start... it's kind of my escape from schoolwork haha but i'm on FOH this year but i think it'll be a lot more fun now that other people are helping out with culture show too!

4. not really anticipating this but organizing and working out uni stuff... still need to message people about chatting about uni... and getting together job applications and the like...

back where i started... aka lost >___<

warning: super duper long...
well this has been an eventful day indeed... today was university fair and i was actually rather excited, cause i thought i was so sure that i knew my career path and all that stuff... but i guess i always knew the fact that i didn't have much background in languages but i didn't think that would be that big of a hindrance. however after asking around and visiting different universities and stuff i realized i can't really major in Chinese/Korean and that was kind of panicky. but then i found a booth that talked about doing translation related jobs and stuff and what universities have translation courses and then i felt relieved... and then i went to ask around at universities but they only work in translation with languages like spanish, french, etc. >__< so i went back to talk to the guy at the translation booth and he's like... WELL in canada it's highly unlikely you will find much opportunity with translation with East Asian languages and he suggest going to overseas where opportunities are greater... but i don't want to go so far away =( where i can only come back once a year... and that's only assuming i can get into universities there, which once again... highly unlikely because as i was completely discouraged today by one of those people i talked to... people don't usually go into translating unless they have sound background or experience in a language.. which i completely don't. and so my dreams are crushed. and if i were to study a language for a couple years in university as a minor maybe (since like no ontario universities seem to major much in east asian languages >__>) what the heck is going to be my other field of study =( i am a total noob at chemistry and i have not much interest in science... i have no back-up and why do i not excel at anythingggg why do i have to have interest in a field that i'm so ill-prepared for. so after university fair i am very very depressed,feeling like i have no future, no direction, and so afraid of how i'm going to turn out. am i going to be one of those people that has a job that they don't enjoy for the rest of their lives cause they weren't good enough to do what they wanted? VERY POSSIBLE >__< i wanted to check out ubc's stand but we took a wrong turn on the way out... so i couldn't, adding to the distress of the moment... so then i started to cry >__< it's so rare that i cry infront of people because i'm usually so influenced by my surroundings... if everyone is happy it's hard for me to be sad but this was so.. terrible enough that i couldn't help it >__< most people seemed to know exactly what field they were looking into. and as for me... my dreams were kind of destroyed. it was very sad... i really wanted to just cry it all out but then it got really awkward so i had to stop.. i guess the rest of the night was slightly better... we had a dance at school.. dancing my worries away lalala but i got made fun of by s5s... i don't know why they adopted such an attitude today for they are normally very nice! well anyways i think i should go seek some help from people =( felly counsellors and ms sirna... lol i don't want to be a failure =( i don't want to take a year off to have to decide what to do or stuff... i want to hurry and finish university so my parents can stop paying like 15 000 a year for my education. they have worked so hard and given so much so that i might have a better education and end up with a better life than they had when they were younger. but all they get for all that money is some kid who is really unable to do anything well. i am really not smart at all >__<
WHAT DO I DOOOO i'm so scared >__< i'm trying my hardest to trust in God but i still am scared of what i don't know.. and 多謝我的朋友沒有一個人問我我怎麽樣。。。 沒有一個人問我爲什麽我哭， 沒有一個朋友來幫我。 我不想怪他們不過我覺得這樣是應該。。。他們是不是忘記了？我要讓自己加油， 不過會容易一點如果我朋友也可以幫我行這個很難行的路。

nobody but you

lala that is a very catchy song... [nobody by wonder girls] anywho interesting day today. there was some intense poster drawing period for club-o-rama afterschool. and that was also hectic... but anyways during club-o-rama i was actually dragged into the a "dance circle" by khalid because i had a chain with him about *break dancing*... i know it seems like such a ridiculous dream/goal and based on my previous experiences and how i give up and stuff... it seems totally unaccomplishable >__< but i really want to be able to prove all those ppl wrong. but it's so hard =( well the beijing welcome you song says... 讓我們都加油去超越自己... aka add oil to do the best you can! i don't know what will be the outcome of this... i guess i can tell people to poke at me to go actually practice but this is physically requiring of skills that i do not have lol oh well ADD OILS ^^ don't give up yettt

random... but i like this:
Every minute you are angry,
you lose sixty seconds of happiness!

not sure what this blog will be about, but feeling a need to blog

well as the title says.. i feel like i would like to get stuff out but i'm not really sure what =S today i went to wonderland and then i saw spongebob and patrick and joined a line of little kids to meet them.. and then asked the person if i could take a picture with them both >__< but TOTALLY WORTH IT! anyways things have been alright but school work is starting to stack up and all and i would like to get a good average for uni and stuff... but i keep thinking back to summer and how weekends i would go out and eat with friends, watch movies/dramas, ...shopping in hk lol i keep thinking about the past and reflecting on all that stuff... sometimes it's wishing i could go back in time, sometimes just reflecting on how far i've come since.. whenever... but when i look to the future i just get scared. I see lots of school work being due, i see university applications and i see a lot of unknowns. And then i look to the present and realize i am totally slacking off by blogging! I feel like such a lost case... dunno if that's the right word.. like very "無用" (canto pingyum: mo yong) i am really not smart... my marks only reflect the fact that i understood it for the time i needed to, did well on the few tests and completely threw all that information away. Why can't i truly dedicate myself to stuff... i like to say nowadays that i'm really hardworking... yes, much better than before.. but what am i working for?! only to get good marks to please people to get into university... it all seems so fruitless ? is that the right word... i don't know how to explain this at all and maybe this is just one of those times my mind is all jumbled up and i'm just panicking and worrying again. Sometimes i feel so satisfied and content, feeling that i have everything, and in these little alone times i realize i don't have much (not in the material sense). I remember telling myself recently when i was feeling happy that happiness doesn't always last and i should be prepared for something to come bum me down as usual. just feeling crappy now =( but i shall nevaaaar forget no matter how little i have, i will forever have God, and that shall bring me enough joy ^^

lesson worth learning..

Earthly things don't satisfy;
contentment comes from the Lord's Supply

unfortunately this took so long for me to fully realize, to accept, and to live by but hopefully i've learnt for real now =)

COOCH

i hope cooch is fun >__> i want to have good and nostalgic memories =D because it is my grade 12 year... hope it doesn't rain! i know a lot of people are back from university and too bad i'm missing church and won't get to see some of them =( next time! [gone for the weekend]

some late thinking

well it's 12:30 and i've totally broken the sleep before 12:15 rule of the day... but a lot of stuff has been on my mind recently now that school has started again. Once again I start the year off with a really "study hard, play later" attitude but once applications come up again i get all depressed and disappointed because the desired positions, once again, go to the people that have all the other good positions >__< I don't know what to put on my resume or put down as extracurriculars =( maybe i just take it far and get really paranoid but then i worry about university because I'm really scared I won't get in... Firstly cause i'm going into languages and i don't have like any background and then also because my other marks are not that great and just the things i've done aren't amazing... so i don't have a back-up... i just need to vent and to worry and to get some air and just think. I'm so afraid cause i don't know waht to expect at all. I keep thinking that i'll take things as they come, cause what is the point of worrying when i am not even sure that things will turn out bad... but it's just hard to keep telling yourself that... but i know God provides... when i was at a total loss of what i was going to do with my future, i feel He's shown me the path to languages... for now at least. I will take the Cooch weekend (camp thing) opportunity to get some air and it'll be nice at night to just think about stuff and Stan told me at Cooch he went to this lake place where he just screamed and yelled stuff out so haha maybe that will be fun. I'd say the only good thing i can think of now is that my hair is long ^___^

dumdumdummm

so i went to felly today and i had a lot of fun welcoming and meeting the new grade 9s that are now in malachi =D but there's such a strange ..feeling? of being the oldest now. it's kind of like being in the oldest grade at UTS. now i feel so much more responsible that these guys have a good time in Malachi and I really hope they do because i loved being a part of it =D and it's cool cause i got to share what Malachi was for me =) and i was quite honoured that Sharon asked me ^^ I just feels so strange and motherly but not a bad strange. the good kind that i'm just not used to something yet. And it feels good like, asking someone younger than you how they are and stuff and just starting the conversation because maybe it's something i never had with my own younger brother. And today in my small group prayer time, I asked the grade 9 to pray for us and i was so ..happy? with how he was so willing. Like usually when you ask someone to pray they are often like "uhhhh why me...do i have to?" but i really think it's such a privilege. maybe i'm just the praying kind of person too but i was so happy to hear him want to pray. and although he couldn't really get the right words out and it was really short, and although afterwards he was like "aww i'm not really good at this >__< *a little embarassed*" i'm excited to see him grow in Christ ^^ i'm also a little sad it's my last year in Malachi but i hope i make it a good year =) for myself and my fellow felly members ^^

SCHOOL

oh my goodness my schedule is terrible =( i need to have more last period spares so i can go homeee (and work) *cries* but i don't think i can change that much... *cries* that is all =(

sleeeepless night

it was absolutely terrible. i went to bed at 4:30-ish AM and then could not sleep for about an hour so i got up and read some reminiscent stuff and that was both good and bad lol then before i knew it the sun was up and i was lk oh dang.... so it's 6:30 AM and i try to go sleep but can't so i decide to turn on the computer and watch two eps of my canto drama SO GOOD btw then i try to sleep again but STILL can't so i play around on laptop some more then i think i managed to get 3-4 hours of sleep in because i wake up a little before 1 pm and then i get ready to go out and stuff =D and SOFTBALL BANQUET!! woot that was fun =)dressing up, making food, playing pingpong, handing out certificates etc. GOOD TIMES =( too bad it's ovaaaar. anyways terrible sleeping schedule... must be because of the previous day where i slept from 3 AM to 4 PM >__<

lovely lovely summer 我愛夏天！

so i don't really have anything to blog about recently but i've been very up and about having tons of fun before my summer is over =)
on wed i went to yorkdale with wendy, angela, mel, esther and jacky... pimppp and i wasn't supposed to buy anything but i bought a scarf =( bad self control.. then we ate at pickle barrel and it was good =D
today i went to pmall to hang with andy before he leaves for uni! and we took sticker pics and played some pool =D i won 2/4 games! that's prettttyy good but i got a handicap lol but for the last one i said no handicaps and i only lost by 2 balls =D NOT BAD for someone who doesnt' play too often ^^
then i bused over to empress where i met ryan and we chilled a bit before we went to watch BATMAN. looong movie and really scary... joker... but quite awesome as well =P and yah we walked back to finch and we passed tim's cafe! and apparently tim was there.... but he didn't look like tim at all. oh well that's my day ^^

SOLDIERS~

our season ended today =) but i don't think anyone was really sad about it, which is good =) i think we had a really fun season with a lot of absences from ppl haha but the time hanging and chilling was good. i made my one big catch this season in the playoff game haha oh and howard came back from his china mission! he got to go to the olympics!! lucky~ i'm sad the season is over though because no more post-game/practice dinners and random events (like bowling haha) i will miss it very much! =( but team banquet coming up ^^ YAH GO SOLDIERS AA-OOE

biggest disappointment of summer EVER

I have waited all summer for August 23rd 2008 because it is the time and date of BOTY Canada 2008. I WAS SO EXCITED and wanted to go see it so badly because i missed the one in Korea... it seems actually super awesome just cause i love to watch breaking and i guess just being in that atmosphere would be cool even if they're not as good... meanwhile...

Soldiers has been having an amazing season and despite handing in a score sheet late and getting a win turned into a loss, we still made it to playoffs =D lucky us! i'm super happy because this means i still get to play despite having the August 9th game cancelled.

HOWEVER these two events decided to happen on the SAME DAY *cries* IM A LITTLE DEPRESSED that i have to make these choices all the time... but i guess it's a blessing that i even get to do these things. =( boo.. but i guess i got to stay dedicated to my team even though i might actually be doing worst for the team... i'm sure canadian breakdancers are not as amazing and i might not be as amazed but it'd still be cool to watch a REAL battle =( haiz

TORONTO IS STRANGE

after stepping out of the airport and into the pick-up zone i already began to miss HK and to note all the "weird" thing i was not used to...

- not everyone spoke chinese
- chinese ppl weren't speaking chinese haha this was strangely especially weird
- there were lots of non-chineses ppl >__< i guess in hk there are just chinese ppl EVERYWHERE
- it was cold =( i was actually COLD outside :\
- toronto is really flat.. no hills/mountains
- ppl weren't honking at each other like mad when cars got traffic jammy

but i guess i'm glad to be home. sleeping in my own bed was amazing as well as walking on carpeted floor. still haven't seen my dog =( unpacking is quite hard... i remember a month ago when i was worrying to people and being really sad that i'm leaving for a month... and now i miss HK a lot but i think once i see my friends i'll slowly not miss HK as much =)i've got a lot coming up this week!

HK is getting owned by a typhoon haha

Well not so much anymore but this morning a Level 8 Typhoon Warning was issued... and it's out of levels 1, 3, or 8... so i guess it was quite bad. Most of the buses and all trams had stopped. Subway was still running and everyone was advised to stay indoors haha this was hugely disappointing as i was supposed to go to Ocean Park today and it's my 2nd last day so ofcourse i would want to use it to the fullest but all i did was stay home... oh well. at least i can say i experienced some typical HK life haha though the streets weren't flooded or anything. I hope I do get home on time though cause i want to see the opening to the Olympics! Now the typhoon is only a level 3 and hopefully tomorrow will be not TOO rainy so I can go to OCEAN PARK <3

hk is gundam looooove

i went to this animation, comics, and gaming HK 2008 convention which was totally packed with people and like broke some record for most people thing and it was AMAZINGGGGGG not only did i see some celebrities, get to buy nice fan art, get a "kimono", but i also saw a TON of gundams... pretty beautiful gundams. SO MANY. it was basically like Anime North with a smaller venue (they had not hotels or other places to go to), less cosplayers but perhaps some of the cosplayers were better and more in character <-- this makes it slightly weirder though..., more gundams!!!, and better performances (celebs), and CHEAPER. two fan art things from advent children for only about 4 dollars canadian. about like regular page size but STILL... yah fo serious!!! <3 definitely a high light!

HK is a different place, but apparently I am still me

Though HK may be a 15-hour flight from my Toronto home I still cannot escape the hardships that have continued to be a part of my life. I think there's really too much on my mind to really rant about them all, plus they are a complete jumble in my mind right now. I suppose I'm still just consistently looking for someone who will be the perfect friend and comfort for me especially in these tough times when i feel like i don't really have anyone. And then I realize I am a completele idiot for not realizing/remembering the One who is ALWAYS just ALWAYS there. I could apologize forever and it would still not cover all the wrong i've done but good thing God is loving and forgiving. I've been trying hard to get on track and i was doing amazing after TC and even a long time after TC but then suddenly one thing happened after another and by the start of summer i felt like everything had changed and i lost a lot. I guess people will never be exactly who you want them to be (including myself) but I should just be grateful for their existence. As far as I know these people read my blog sometimes...

ELENA - i know i don't know you too well like on the personal level but thank you for just even wanting to know me =) i honestly LOVE that we are on the softball team together this year. ROVERS! ;) you are one of the reasons i love being a part of soldiers =D i really love all you guys!!

OSCIE - yah you are pretty awesome though sometimes i know i can be really moody with you. thanks for staying on late a lot so i can just kind of go on ranting forever when i dont' know how to express myself so i send like a bajillion msgs but i guess it helps that you actually stay up so late =P You and Jo really mean a lot to me and though you may sometimes make the -___-" face which makes me so frustrated lol thank you for trying to stop. i'm glad you also decided to stop killing the convos.... =P

SISI - not sure if you will read this =( but please come back/msg me/send me emails! i really miss you soooo much!!! i want to hear from you!! fiiiiind me <3

I guess what i need to do is fully rely on God first and just give these things up to Him. He can definitely carry these burdens much better than i can... plus i am really weak.. haha and i guess i'm also hoping for closer relationships to people but those take time. so PATIENCE =) anyway 6 more days and i'm coming back to TORONTO. i miss all you guys i reallyyy do.

You are amazing, God!

HK is canto dramas!!

i never thought this would happen but i'm actually interested in a Cantonese drama... that is really rare because i usually find them incredibly boring but this one has been so good! there's only been about 5 episodes so far so that's good so i can catch up by watching the first few on youtube. It's called moonlight resonance and it's like "heart of greed 2" but not really the same plot or something haha. i have no idea what heart of greed is ofcourse since i do not watch cantonese dramas but yeah apparently it was quite popular...

HK is ...well asian!

i was just youtubing a bit and then i came across this video...



it's a relief video/song called Smile Again from the I Love Asia project produced by Jackie Chan and JYP (big Korean music producer) and sung by many famous Korean artists. The video makes me really sad but at the same time it's such an encouragement that despite history between these asian nations that they still can look past country barriers... i don't know i was just talking to a friend yesterday about how Japan and Korea were once heavily influenced by China but then now China is kind of iffy and Japan and Korea have gone on to be pro world leaders and innovators and it's just nice to see some unity now. Maybe unity isn't the right word quite yet but support. It's definitely very encouraging. I also really love their shirts =D i would totally get one lol

Macau is the asian las vegas...

I really don't have much to say about this trip but that we just went around to see some stuff. and it was SO HOT (temperature-wise) basically Macau is just filled with tons of casinos/hotels so it’s a little boring. However VESPAS are amazing. I’m sure half the population drives them and like they are SO cute!! If I can’t have a motorcycle I shall work first toward a vespa! And mine shall be really purty. And so shall my helmet!

VESPAS <3

Korea is ...not as i expected =P WHICH IS NOT A BAD THING

What i did in Korea: Well when we got there it was REALLY early so we wasted like two hours in the airport … so boring. Then we took an hour long bus that was incredibly cold to Hotel Koreana and left our bags there. Then we took a walk up the street towards Geokbugung I think (something like that) which is like some old-time palace and that was pretty cool. We checked in finally at 11 am, slept for an hour and then called Namjin. I met him at a subway stop and then we subway-ed, then taxi-ed to this rock climbing place and I thought that was really fun =) it’s good getting to know people you didn’t really know before =P (similar to Ivan) um then after that we went to COEX this humongous mall place and we tried to find MBC gaming to watch a starcraft game but to my great disappointment we couldn’t find it >__< BUT THAT”S OKAY! Um so then I called up Ryan and he met us at COEX and we had dinner! Then these party animals wanted to make me buy high heels and makeup so I could get into a bar…. I HOPE THEY WERE JOKING but in the end we did not do that so that is good. UM after that we went home. Next day I met Ryan at his area. And I was so late I felt so bad … but anyways we went to this like musical fountain with lights and everything it was really actually amazing to see and definitely enjoyable. Then we went to eat some real Korean food from like those stands. SO GOOD =D and I got like this icecream cone which was 30 cm high (the icecream was) and then it was totally too heavy for the cone so we had to like throw it out =( THEN I went home. The third day I just did some mass shopping to make up for it although I really did not buy very much. Overall it was an up and down kind of trip. Tim told me that he thought HK was more fun than Seoul… I’d have to say I also agree but I’m sure if I had more time I would learn how to love Seoul. The place itself I think is kind of plain. However I don’t understand how ALL THE GIRLS like ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE is so pretty… so I guess that made me feel very self conscious cause I am clearly a foreigner so sometimes I feel looked down on… don’t think Korean like Chinese people that much. I also did not see any celebrities or breaking =( However I think most Koreans are very helpful and nice to foreigners =P I talked to a few…1) buying subway ticket girl who was good at English helped me out =D 2) buying stuff at store the girl was talking to us in Korean for a bit until she realized we didn’t speak it haha but she was really nice and like talking about Canada and stuff 3) waiting for friend and then this guy passing out stuff (I think he was running for a position?) and I was like oh I don’t speak Korean and he’s like Oh? Where are you from? And I’m like Toronto and he’s like Oh I’ve been there! I liked it very much! Haha it was cute and when I talked to those nice Korean people it made me feel a little better about being a foreigner haha and dang Korean food in Korea is pretty darn good! =P Basically I probably arrived in Korea having really big expectations for it based on like… the Korean love? But now I’m glad I know that it’s not like CRAZY AMAZING although it’s still pretty cool =)

HK is snowless

s = salina, ff = friend's friend or final fantasy

ff: do you bike a lot?
s: yah i do but only in the summer not in the winter
ff: oh why's that?
s: cause there's snow
ff: oh yah!
*both giggles*

that was a cute moment lol anyways i just stayed up all night because i couldn't sleep and i've only stayed up all night once before i think but that was not because i couldn't sleep. anyway this is interesting. haha i'm so tired. i went to bed at like 3... then couldn't sleep so i guess i played ds for like 2 hours and then i realized the sun was out. which was pretty shocking... i'm going to be super tired today >____<

hong kong is close to korea =)

I"M GOIGN TO KOREA IN A DAY AHHHH <3 good thing for ryan and namjin to make this trip AWESOME. i cannoooot wait. parents also came back from Thailand and i gotta say it seems REALLY FUN =( too bad i missed out...on a side note...

现在我很不开心。。。 因为我的朋友又不同我交谈不过去着打机，玩他们的“刀他”（哈哈我很聪明）。 他们一上网就会问我“你好吗？”跟着就会玩了。。。都没同他们讲过很长时间。。 如果还是这样到我回到加拿大的时候我不会想同这班朋友出街，看电影，玩，etc.　哎麻烦到死啊！

HK is ...partially Christian =)

My parents left for Thailand with my brother today and I hope they had a safe flight and a nice trip so far =) Today I went to church and it was REALLY AMAZING. I was a little late so I caught the last song in the worship set and I really enjoyed the sermon. The speaker was just awesome and I just loved the familiarity of church and being with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and it’s amazing to be reminded that wherever you are God is there with you =) it was also an English church btw so that was fortunate haha. I didn’t really get to meet anyone cause I went by myself and I just didn’t know who to talk to but that’s alright =D It was a really great experience and it makes me sad that I don’t have many other Sundays free for church cause of more travelling but I’ll see if there are any fellowships I can go to =) it’s just nice being around Christians =D the response song was also really great. Everyone there just loves to sing and it was so loud that it was very encouraging. I think the pastor and a lot of the people were Australian haha so Hillsong connects?

UM YESTERDAY I went to the peak and I went to the wax museum and also just to sight-see! I went on msn on one of the computers there and apparently it saved my password cause my msn kept signing off saying that it had signed on elsewhere and I was like… darns… turns out though some guy deleted my password from it (thank goodness!) and then he added me on msn… to tell me or something haha and he’s like.. Moroccan but he lives in China or something… I think I do have a strange knack for meeting strangers… which is not a great thing. It also turns out that Namjin from school is going to be in Korea too so I shall be meeting him as well so overall MANY exciting thing happening.. INCLUDING BOTY KOREA is happening when I’m going. If I don’t get tickets which I probably will not I’ll take some videos of people probably breaking outside as well =D

HK is half way around the world!

so HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD i can't believe i'm meeting people from UTS. yesterday i went out with Amy, Curtis and Ivan but Curt left so it was mostly Amy, Ivan and I and we went to eat dinner and just walked around a bit. Afterwards I left to Tsim Sha Tsui by myself >___> but i wanted to see if there were breakers there but i think like 6-7 ish is still too early to see breakers =( but there were none. instead i saw a children's band from taiwan .. and it was a jazz band so that was preeetty cool =D

HK is cantonese

today i went with my friend TONIA =) who iknow from Toronto and her friends from Hong Kong to just chill and watch a movie and it was pretty funnnn. her friends were very welcoming and talked to me and stuff which i thought was very nice and wow Chinese subs for an english movie (hancock) are very distracting esp when you're trying to just listen haha but it was a not bad movie =) it was kind of hard though because i had to talk in chinese a lot becuase i felt like a really big NEWB for talking in english but it was a good opportunity to practice. good thing they are not like .. ew don't want to talk to an english person haha but we talked about a lot of stuff and my chinese was bad and it was hard and tiring to have to try hard to not sound too noob but i think i did alright =) it's cool telling them about toronto and them telling me about hong kong. haha. pretty fun day =D finally didn't go shopping haha

HK is family <3

i really love meeting all my cousins and aunts and uncles. They are all really interesting people =D FIRSTLY my cousin who is about two years younger is real cool cause he likes gundams and he apparently likes to game and he has a poster of digimons on the wall haha they also had a chinchilla ^^ umm my uncle on mom's side has a car and a dog AH CUTEST DOG EVAR. i only wish i knew my family more and kept in touch all that time.

ALSO kay random story but CRAZY STUFF. so i'm like "i want to go to korea" to a friend and he's like "oh i have a friend there who is working" and i'm like "can he be my tourguide" and he's like "i'll ask" so the guy is cool with it and i add him on msn and we just like talk about whatever. and he's like you can add me on fb and i'm like OKAY and i look at our mutual friends and TIM CHAN is one of them [background story now: tim chan is daniel's friend that i've hung out with a couple of times just from wahtever and he is a really quiet guy and i thought he blocked me because he didn't go on msn for so long after he added me] anyways i'm like how do you know tim?! since it was so random. and he asks me first so i just say he's a friend of a friend and then the guy is like ............... DUMDUMDUM I"M TIM"S COUSIN! and i'm like .... *shocked for the next 10 minutes* it's a small world....

HK is walking

MY LEG HURTS =( i don't think it's just like a tired feeling kind of pain it's like caused from walking too much and stuff. I'm sure if i rest it shall be better. I guess I kind of just walk aimlessly looking for those nice clothing stores that cost like less than 10 dollars canadian per clothing item haha. I LOVE THOSE THE BEST. today i went out with joseph again for more shoppings and it's his last day in hk. I didn't get too much mostly just CDs and a few other small things. I don't think I've spent more than 100 canadian per day so that's pretty good considering how much i have... i hope. I'm hoping to meet up with some other people now cause a lot of UTS kids are here. I'm also hoping to find a church to go to. Janita says she goes to one where i live and Martin (from Dunamis!) says he'll look for one and tell me ! so i have many options ^^ so things are pretty good and i'm really tired so i shall take a nap haha

HK is convenient

well this is my second full day in hk and i've been around shopping! I met up with my school friend today and we just walked around mong kok <-- "woman street" and "sneaker street". didn't get as much as i wish i had ahah. BUT good improvement! someone asked ME for directions .. and even though i had no idea where it was it must mean i must look local enough to know where things are =) and i was able to find my way home all alone!! i was so scared i wouldn't know where to get off the tram >__< ah the transportation here is so awesome and comes so often! i'm proud of the asian progress i've made haha. i'm hoping to go to church at least once. janita goes to church where i live so i'll ask her to take me =D tonight i went to kowloon and looked across the water back onto hong kong island and it totally makes me want to live here even more. The lights were just so awesomeee arrr like the buildings and EVERYTHING is beautiful beautiful beautiful. <3

HK is rainy

Well I just experienced my first full day in Hong Kong and just mostly did some shopping today =) I'm scared i'm going to go reckless just spending money... I'd say I spent at least a 100 dollars Canadian.. which i suppose isn't TOO much but it'll build up... I still have a month. I don't think I'll be TOO fobbed up by the end of the month. haha. Well I am having fun and i even have time for internets but i do miss people in Toronto. And like no one is on msn at like 9:02 AM haha. STOP SLEEPING IN >__> I think something bit me because I have like 2 bumps alksdja It's been raining a lot here and that's okay i really like it when it rains here I don't know why but i'm waiting for a nice day so i can go to like Ocean Park or go up the mountain and stuff. I can't wait til I meet up with friends as well cause my parents walk soooo slowly haha I SAW GUNDAMS lol yay i can't wait to get new shoes XD I also really like seeing asian people everywhere ^___^v except i'm the one that looks like a total newb with my tourist camera and like chinglish... on the bus it's best if i don't speak so people don't know i'm a foreigner! lol lots of fobby guys and girls and I SO WISH I HAD A UNIFORM NOW... the school uniforms look so coooool >__> well i'm just so excited about everything hk now haha I am really tired so i'll blog in another little while.

IM HOME

haha home being hk. i've been here for about 3-4 hours now and I think i already really love this place! though it would definitely be more fun if people in Toronto were here to enjoy with me. anyways that's all i'll say for now. i want to go out and just walk! KEEP ME UPDATED FOR STUFF IN TORONTO PLZZZ

2nd last full day before i leave~

July the 6th 2008 is the date and i have had an amazingly fun day =)
well i went to church and i thought the sermon wasn't bad =) it reminded me that i am one with the body of Christ. where i go He goes and i am NEVER EVER ALONE and i hope i always remember that =) then i got a bunch of plane letters and i am really thankful for all the people who wrote me ^^ i am almost hitting the 20 mark haha. sunday school was pretty fun too lotsa ppl today! afterwards i went out with andrea, nina and jon and good thing andrea can drive haha cause we had a little adventure. after eating we took a trip down the bridle path where all the rich people live with their nice like 8 million dollar houses >____< cause it's close to where nina lives. and dang she has a really nice apartment =) we watched nim's island.. i learnt some chinese... (my children's book haha) then we went early to our softball game against Sack of Rice!! wootwoot just for some practice

i have to start a new paragraph once i start talking about softball because it just makes me so happy and excited! =) i totally batted AWESOME in practice and burned everyone lol too bad it didn't carry into the game but that's alright =) i'd say this team was realy fun to play ^^ they had pretty good spirits and i'd say shermeen is just an amazing coach. she really seems to be a great leader and just playing softball to have fun and not those super intense softball players who care about the win kind of thing and that was so encouraging for our team and we were all worried for her when she hurt her foot/leg? the support i got when batting was also just very encouraging haha and woot i landed myself at 2nd! i'm going to miss my team so much... OH MORE PROMOTION AHAH i got placed in RIGHT FIELD WOWOWOWOW hahaha only cause for some reason other than "salina is a good outfielder" haha but i was scared to death cause i know i suckkkk and am scared of the ball but YES i had an amazing time. plus oscar was there which made it more jokes and fun and all in all an amazing day. OH and will coming by to say bye and taking more pics of soldiers tho we are not his team was very nice =)

i'm sad i'm leaving but GO SOLDIERS =) 4-0-1!!! KEEP IT UP WHILE I"M GONEEEE AND CHEER LOUDER CAUSE YOU"RE MISSING A PERSON NOW

SOFTBALL SUMMAH

so i am absolutely enjoying softball =) and deeply saddened that i am leaving anyways the Soldiers' season has been absolutely amazing with a current record of 3-0-1 which is a pretty darn good way to start off a season =) best yet probably! anyways i'm so proud of myself. i batted a runner in and still got on base.and i scored a run as well! that's quite a feat for a noob like me =) and i played left rover ahahaha jks good upgrade from right ahaha i find that hilarious.. good thing they hit like nothing my way.. would've got downgraded lol i love being a rover haha this was for our most recent game against samaritans.. daniel's old team. so i gotta say it was awkward and a little bit of tension there.... but ah...
another softball related thing is I UMPED TOdAY AND I DID SO MUCH BETTER THAN LAST YEAR. i was a second base ump for a game between basic and fishers of men (jess ngan's team!) and it sucks cause you can't cheer and show like favour haha but i thought i looked pretty pro out there with some safe and out calls haha and A LEAD OFF CALL =O keke

i also watched kungfu panda which was really cute i thought. i liked it =) asianness~ i heard wall-e was better though.. i really loved this line in kungfu panda and it goes like this:

yesterday is history. tomorrow is a mystery. and today is a gift. that is why they called it present! cuuute =) [don't worry this is not a spoiler] haha AH LEAVING FOR HK IN LIKE 2 DAYS .. plane letters and freaking out.. i will miss so many things/people

5 DAYS!

so there's 5 days left until i leave for HK and i'm starting to realize i'm going to really miss so many things while i'm gone for that long long month. i know i'm going to absolutely love and enjoy and maybe not want to return from HK but right now i'm having a blast in toronto like i've never had before and i will really miss it =(

SOFTBALL - I will miss this like crazy! I just love being a part of a team even if i am a total noob. and maybe dragging down the team a bit they are still supportive and don't think any less of me =) I really will miss all the time just spent together laughing and just playing softball and then eating or whatever it is we do for socials. I'm glad i got to play at least half a season and i'm even going to help ump =) i will miss everyone on the team so much and all those practices and stuff <333!

MY DOG - my little rocky bebe! a month away from ROCKY AHH =( i will just miss my dog to death even if he barks really loudly and loves to jump all over strangers =( i don't know what else to say. =(

DAN & HIS FRIENDS - kay i know this one is a little dumb sounding but over the course of about two months i've had the opportunity to hang with this group of people and i've just enjoyed every time that i've got to hang out with them. they are just so entertaining haha i could just sit there and still really enjoy hanging with them. my only regret is that i only got to know them recently and for such a short time cause maybe there might've been some good friendships formed but they are all leaving for university... this is kind of stupid haha cause they probably don't even consider me in this same way but at least i felt welcome most of the time =)

ABDC - this one is just kind of silly haha but i will be missing the finale for america's best dance crew season 2 ... i guess i will keep myself updated via muchmusic.com...

well that's my list for now =) i'm sure as the time draws closer i will begin to realize the other things i'm going to miss but right now just thinking of leaving actually makes me kind of sad.. this is stupid such mixed emotions lol

my canada day celebration!

i really got to say... i had a lot of fun on Canada Day =) well the fun didn't really start until the night time so what happened was i went to a friend's friend's house who i kind of knew but not too well. so more people came lalala and we watched a bit of tv and decided that we should head out. my friend had brought some of those backyard firework things and we went to a nearby park to set them off =D i must say lighting your own fireworks is by far MUCH MORE FUN than just watching those really nice ones set off by proer people hahha a lot of people were setting stuff off around us too so it was pretty ....festive lol and someone brought two bottles of tsingtao beer but they couldn't get it open. but thank goodness they're the type that like to drink leisurely and not the "YAY LETS GET REALLY DRUNK" type =P so after we used all our fireworks... we took a very random walk into a very scary forest... it was rather creepy and i swear i heard sounds >___< so anyways we didn't go very far and turned back >___< and played in a park for a bit... and went back to his house and watched half of a movie lol and then we left. I guess this little blurb cannot fully capture the fun i had and this may be a really boring post cause it's just about me explaining how i had lots of fun. BUT I DID HAVE LOTS OF FUN AND I'M HAPPY I HAVE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL THAT I CAN ALSO HANG OUT WITH yaaaaaaay

CANADA DAY

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYONE! well this is not a particularly special day for me but i must say it's pretty fun going out and seeing fireworks and just chilling with people =) Hope everyone has a fun day =D

them summer times

I guess I just had a lot of fun today haha and I guess having really great times makes you want to blog about it just as much as down/sad times. Anyways today i started off with WONDERLAND with daniel au and his friends from school which was really fun =) I got to know him better and some of his friends too which i thought was great =) as well as being able to go on rides and stuff ahah the only bad part was maybe the heat but it was endurable.
After that we had Malachi Grad and it was great to see Maureen again =) I MISSED HER lol and yah i guess it just recently hit me that they are not going to be at fellowship next year =( but I'll still see them =) Overall pretty awesome day which is .... good haha nice change from stressful school and issues haha
first softball game tomorrow..

2:21 in the morning

so it's is 2:22 am now and i don't want to sleep for some reason. i guess a lot of things are still going through my head in this time of mass confusion about everything... i've been giving a lot of thought to how i present myself to people around me and how i act. and i realize i act like... an idiot. Like i probably give off the vibe that i'm a really dumb simple and teasable person. I guess that's not all bad. the simple part sounds alright but other than that i guess i want to be a bit more dignified in the way people see me... i don't want ppl to just think i'm stupid but maybe respect and appreciate who i am... i don't know i want to be seen as a nice cheerful kind of person but recently it's been a little hard. It's hard to seem happy and stuff when you're around a group of people where you feel like you don't really belong and slightly left out.

i'm not really sure what to think anymore >____<

FREE

yay so i finally finished my exams todayyy so i'm pretty much FREE =D that makes me very happy haha. i have more time to blog now =P i'm also pretty sure i did not that good on a lot of my exams =P but whatever.. nothing i can do now! i've freed up some time so now i can go back to volunteering more consistently, i have time to practice and actually learn guitar, i have time to work on breaking! lol and just free time in general. this should probably also include sleep time... but i'm still on kind of late =P which is rather bad. but yah pretty happy that i'm done and leaving for hk in about 3 weeks. i've got to write a letter back to my aunt! lol she's so awesome ^^

many things coming up this week and i'm super duper excited =D tons of chill time and stuff keke

>________<

so i'm done 4/5 exams and i think i did REALLY BAD on 3 of the 4 exams i did ... english, chem (terrribleeee), and bio.. and chem are bio are my two grade 12 courses aiya. However i also had a physics exam which i think i did alright on =D and i also went to wonderland and went on behemothhhh which was massively awesome =P went on the first seat!! that was intense ahaha i swear the drop actually IS vertical XD good times good times. but other than that yah.. exams were rather terrible.. but now it's time to just chill and i have math on monday but whatever i'll study a bit for that but i imagine it not to be tooo hard =D so good. i'm at least happy i've got them over with and i'm almost through exam period. haha time to go cheung k <3 ^^ hong kong soon too <3