math domination

i feel like whenever i am in a group of people where there are 2 or more people that are in some sort of math/finance related program (and thus sharing the same courses) and i'm the only non-math faculty person there.. the conversation will be very one-sided. no matter how the conversations usually start (though it usually tends to be about math...) it will ultimately end up in some topic about the most recent math assignments and math related problems. and i'm just sitting there like .. i see. T_T i'll just not talk because i cannot relate.. poor little environment faculty! haha

slowing down

so work has finally pretty much died down and only exams are on the horizon! (sort of.. got a bit left still) i guess that's been pretty good. i'm also back home right now even though my parents are on a cruise in Europe haha i wish i could be on vacation! but for the most part i'm keeping up with work and life is alright. it was also nice being able to make it in time for malachi and to see how the fellowship is growing and progressing and just enjoying everyone's company. the one thing i am probably disliking is the darn weather... SO COLD DON"T WANT TO STEP OUTSIDE AR~ but yep i think if i study very hard for exams and by very hard i mean not too hard but study enough... :D i should be set! my expectations for marks have dropped so much...

tiny update

i know i have posted in awhile. and it's definitely not because i've been working too hard. if anything definitely not enough. i'm not really transitioning well into this whole university thing of no procrastination.. i swear i've just gotten lazier and don't know how to use my time very well at all. i keep trying to turn over that new leaf but yeah i find myself up at these times (almost 4 am) just like today working and studying last minute. my whole sleep schedule is off! but i hear that's what happens in university.

on the positive side i totally woke up late for this midterm and had 15 minutes to write the midterm that was worth 15% of my grade. it was pretty humourous after.. in the sense that "wow i can't believe that happened, laugh it off" kind of humour. but what do you know i passed with a 75... which is still above the class average. .. interesting..

silly times, boring lectures

it's amazing how gullible i am sometimes T_T but i guess this is a pretty funny story that even i can laugh at myself about. so i'm sitting with a couple of friends in a 1.5 hour lecture... and at this point it's getting really dry... i also happened to have a tim hortons bag (the one they give you the donuts in) on the table and my friend tells me that tim horton bags are actually edible! Since it's thin and there's always an environmental strive to make sure things don't become waste... i give the thought some consideration. what adds to this is that he asks my other friend if it's true and this other person proceeds to rip a piece of the bag and puts it in the mouth. HOW CAN I NOT BE CONVINCED?! man... he even referred to how it's the same material as the white bunny asian candy (that is actually edible!) so he tells me to try some.. so i rip a bit and put it in my mouth and then he tells me it's not edible =(

fail :( but i guess it's kinda stupid to look back on XD

there must be more than this

and there is. the past week hasn't been amazing. i got my chinese midterm back and got a 75. i suppose it's not that bad but i guess it sucks to be below average and doing not as well in a course that i really like, and thus would want to excel in. so allll week i've been complaining about this and being really sad bout it and idunno why but i don't think it was only the midterm.. but i felt really frustrated and i found that i could randomly start crying without knowing relaly why... it's somewhere in my subconcious..anyway basically it hasn't been too good and i'm slowly deteriorating without even knowing it.

then there was the joint worship event with laurier this past friday for ccf. at first i really didn't want to go cause i was tired, it was cold, had to walk to sch... so many reasons. but i took a nap and for some reason when it was 6 30 i thought i was late and sprung out of bed really quickly haha and just walked to sch without relaly thinking about it. anyways it was totally worth it. not only was it a great worship event, amazing speakers, good time to see friends, but God was truly working in people's lives, breaking them down and just reshowing everyone how He is mighty to save. the first thing i thought of when we were worshipping and singing the line "there must be more to this" was the trials of university, marks, studying, stress, and how i complained so disappointed by that 75 >__> and then i remembered why it is that i want to learn chinese, and i even remembered why i chose urban planning (strangely, whenever anyone asked me why i went into the program i always said idunno.. but i guess i had just forgotten). I think God has blessed me with a passion to really go and serve in China. He's given me a passion for the culture and the people and with my planning degree i would go and help develop the rural areas, teach english, and above all do all these things for the glory of God.. to minister to the people and show them His love. Or that was the plan. and i had forgotten all that. sad really =( realistically and truthfully speaking though this is a really hard dream to hold onto. when i think about my future i see me wanting to be serving in China.. but there are always always fears. ofcourse it's the financial situation. there's that temptation to having a secure future, but that's not the biggest thing.. just thinking about supporting my parents when they're older and need to rely on me/brother... that scares me. another thing that was heavy on my mind was whether this program was right for me. i was talking to a friend in my program and she prob wanted to drop out after 1st year and switch to ryerson for something else. i just hope that that this is the right program, right now i don't have much drive becuase it doens't really relate to the kind of planning i'm looking to do i suppose... ah well it's complicated.

anyway i guess i just wanted to say that this night really reminded me and showed me how weak we become when God is not active in our lives. I realized how lost i was, not remembering what was truly important. i remember when i got like 60% or something on my chemistry exam back in highschool XD and all did was laugh it off. i really did try hard to study though ahah not saying we should not care about marks cause i guess they are important in some senses. but YAH it was great seeing so many people just come before God in their weaknesses and acknowledge His sovereignty over EVERYTHING! yay

the first tastes of failure...

well that essay awhile back may also qualify as failure but i had a chinese midterm (25%) today and it was really darn tough T_T i studied preeetty hard but i think i concentrated way too much on the vocabulary =( that played a very small role on the midterm T_T the part that really owned me good was the antonym and synonym thing. i should've created a list for it or something and studied that. but instead i looked over that section for about 3 minutes before the testtttt. didn't realize that section was that hard. and also that filling in the blanks >_> hopefully the words i guessed are okay. tranlation.... there were nouns i didn't know how to write in chinese that i guess we are supposed to know ? but it's not even part of vocab from this course! =( and then grammar was so much guessing. hopefully there will be pity marks. i seem to be hoping for those a lot. =( if i want to do more chinese courses how will i EVER do the next level up? so much fail! i just hope i didn't actually fail... but the thought of not doing super good in elective courses is not reassuring. i knew chinese was a challenege but i thought i could still do fair. mid 80s? prob not =(

procrastination lesson ..hopefully

well this week was pretty hectic in general. i had a presentation on tuesday and then a paper due on thursday. i guess it's not TOO bad but i just since we didn't have much work before it was hard to start working now and just not used to writing papers = confusion! missed breaking twice in a row aaand stayed up til 6, slept 3 hours and did more work. i guess relatively it's not too bad becuase people pulled all nighters. BUT still pretty crap feeling. and hopefully i actually learn to never do this again. i'm kind of scared i did really bad on it =( but oh well hope he goes eeasy since it is our first paper.

i also went to a casa dance. just for fun with friends. DEF not looking for anything. especially after handing in that work wanted to just relax and stuff. but omgoodness i hate the atmosphere of that place so much >_< all those slutty girls and creepy guys... hai. it's lk alkdjfa. but i should not talk about that or i'll start a huuuuge rant again. i've prob already ranted twice GR angry. seriosuly it's just really disappointing/disgusting >_> prob won't go again. that is allll

tortuuure

but not really. just work. like i know i have to do it but everytime i try i feel like i'm dying inside... lol it's like so TEDIOUS. i cannot describe this feeling of working. lk just thinking about it is terrible. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KEENER IN ME... also i looked at my schedule next term and i think i'm going to be ralllly dreading it. there are soo many night classes =( like 8 50.... i don't think i can fit tourism in anymore T_T but it IS a 3 hour class so gotta reconsider. i think it's a lot of morning classes and lots of late classes so i have a whole lot of nothing in the middle... i'm so sad now >_< i didn't even realize we had already been enrolled in courses... and like all the other choices are the exact same times but different days.. WHYYY. =( boo hai T_T i ratehr have all morning classes instead of having so many things at night. just like knowing you still have classes or that you're eating dinner and know you have to leave.. that will suck T_T

ANYWAY. that's my ranting about school >__> but there's been some good times as well. when i actually work hard i feel good haha. but that doens't happen often. um breaking always makes me happy lol not only am i doing exercise but i feel lk i'm improving and people are helpful. learning chinese is prob what i'm enjoying most. and maybe studio class for planning. ccf is also a nice break from all that school =) must work now T_T

so faaar away

i feel like i want to cry. but i can't because tracy is sleeping...but everything is so bleh. i know i don't talk to people very often about crap going on but i guess i've been suppressing a lot without really realizing it and it's just coming out nows...i feel lk sometimes i'm just a pitstop in someone's life. like just one part out of their many other people and i hardly feel grounded in anyone's life. i think it's also a struggle that i have all these emotions but i can't put anything into words. it's also that struggle where i feel like i want to be important to people or in their lives but i'm not.

i guess sometimes i feel alone, surprisingly... and to feel this way means that somewhere along the road i lost sight of God, my ultimate frienddd! i really tried to keep doing devos in uni but i guess i'm just not at res a lot so i never sit down and read or pray. the only time i do pray is mostly giving thanks for meals and the occasional prayer that comes up. hopefully this will serve as a wake-up call.. as i learnt from sunday school... if everything i do is not to honour God it's a sin, therefore do everything in a way that i will honour God..

i often wonder if my unhappiness is ever due to just the kind of person i am. often bullied? fearful of what others think? unconfident? idunno really sometimes i feel kind of sad that im the way i am. unsatisfied? i dont know..i just feel messy i suppose. even now i don't really know what i'm saying or talking about. somehow the fact that i'm sad translated into this mess of a blog..

windy and wet =(

waterloo weather is kinda terrible. and i'm pretty sure it's only going to get worse =( walking to class ALREADY feels lk a journey so walking in the snow and everything will only be worse >_< i guess it doesn't help that i'm sick and i don't feel lk movin =( just want to sleep! but things are coming up and i have to write that 8 page paper about what the environment is >____> booo. but i guess other than that i'm having fun learning to break from prooos and clubs and stuff =D

"Hi, I'm ________. What's your name?"

Interestingly i think i'm meeting much more people in the first week of school than i did during orientation week. and by meeting i mean in the sense where i meet them and will probably see them again and not just the 5 minute hello and then forget their names in an hour... Anyway my point is i've met a bunch of people this week and things have been pretty good. have to figure out how to work UWACE and to figure out what i have to read. sometimes i find it hard to keep track of what i have to do since there's no real work but i just sort of want to look over stuff or study.. i just hope that i can make the friendships i have now grow more esp since a lot of the people are in my program and also in coop. i realize a lot of people went back to toronto this weekend and it was slightly more lonely this weekend in loo. spent a lot more time in my room than i usually do... but i'ts okay used time to catch up on reading.. but i really wanted to go to the mall though!

i also went to ccf which was pretty fun the first time i guess but i think it'll get better once we start connecting with other people there. and i will prob join intramural ultimate :D so that will be fun. and i've also started breaking again. it's a looot better when you have people teaching you. although a lot of the times i feel really embarassed because they're like watchign you suck... but i guess that's how you learn! and the people there were pretty nice. met shimmycocopuffs!! OMG lol but i'm excited for clubs day i really want to get involved and stuff and make use of allll my free time =D

waterrrloo

haven't had much time to blog recently and stuff because of a lot of frosh activities as well as just going out a lot with school friends. so i've probably spent a total of about 1-2 hours in my room (not counting sleeping time). i guess frosh week has been okay. nothing amazingly fun but there are many highlights! I haven't met a lot of people really closely or anything but I have met some cool people and ill say hi to them and stuff i guess. no one that i'm going out of my way to meet up with and stuff. though maybe i should but i guess i'm comfortable with the UTS crew i suppose. i'm starting to look forward to classes actually haha i hope my classes are good! met a lot of planning people =D and they seem really nice. so does my roomie. so i guess it'll just take some time to get to know people more and stuff... YUP that's about it. i'm tired =(

but the water water water loo loo loo thing is really stuck in my head haha

"why are you still searching as if I'm not enough"

Recently I learnt about a song called "By your side" by Tenth Avenue North. And i guess God's timing really is perfect :) Recently been going through some kinda crappy feelings about friendships and I dont' know how to respond or how to respond out of love and sometimes it makes me feel lk i'm lacking good relationships, the kind of relationship that God wants and intended us to share with one another. I guess it's only been with one group of friends but it's been tough because no one wants to feel like they are losing friends, unless i guess you're purposely walking away. But this song brough reassurance, that HE is always there. and i know no earthly friend could ever promise me that. I know this doesn't really help me in terms of how to handle or fix these friendships but it reassures me that even when i feel terrible, He is the greatest friend and He is thereeeee.

"Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
...
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you."

I love that God is enough. Only He truly satisfies.. and all these things give me hope even when I feel lk things are confusing, are messy, are upsetting. God is just so good :)

"all my social needs are being met"

is what wendy said to me during our little heart to heart :) and it wasn't really in the same context as what i'm about to blog about... lol but my social needs really ARE being met this summer and i'm truly truly grateful. i always struggle with titling my blogs haha cause i don't want it to just be like "what i did during _____" and i want something to reflect the whole thing but i don't want to seem like i'm trying too hard hahaha so it always takes me like an hour to start the actual blogging..

anyway i was just going to blog about my eventful weekend haha. very tiring but still i strive to hang out.. i was thinking about this actually. and for someone that seems to love to sleep and stuff, i really don't try to sleep a lot.. anyways a lot of fun and interesting things happened :) there was lockin, wedding, eating wings :D, pmall!, chilling at my house!, umping and many stories from that haha just very fun filled and left little time for rest :P

ANYWAY all started wiht lock-in i suppose haha got to church, played a tonnnn of games :P random make an mv one (reallly embarassing!), sardines (hide and seek in the dark sort of.. some creepy stuff.. haha), and then that ended about 12 am and then had a good talk with wendy :) watched the island (which was such a looong movie), played an amazing game of charades (alien and asian ahhaah) and just watched random things on youtube, tons of laughs, TETRIS haha and it was getting to be around 6 am haha so decided to not sleep and just spent some alone time with God n it was cool =) very tiring though ahah idunno how i did it. and then around 8 30/9 am we went to aly's house to shower haha after a VERY sweaty activity night and to prep for Jo's wedding~ and starting to realize how tired i was haha but we made it to the wedding =) I LOVE WEDDINGS haha always so happy! but getting reallly sleepy now... but took pictures :) and then we went to eat at st louis' wing place and it was super tasty :D and as if that wasn't enough adventuring and not napping. we made a trip over to pmall and was going to watch some other games but after pmall we all realized we'd had enough and would really like to rest haha so we headed home. i DID get 15 minutes to sleep in esther's car though! anyways got home napped for 2 hours :D and then jo and chick, eventually oscar :P came over and we watched WOLVERINE. which was kind of weird haha it was okay though... SO that's day 1 :P that was an incredibly long day. i've only rarely stayed up for the whole 24 hours...

anyways SUNDAY was chuuurch and then we ate at ginza with some ppl =) that was pretty fun haha played with the dsi that was jokes. some bad pics tho XD and then andrea and i headed off to ump for 6 hours! and we were kind of laaate so the teams had devos first :( but i think we did a fairly good job despite the fact that we had no head ump lol anyways weird thing was we umped samaritans and then everyone kept telling me how there was a girl on the team that looks exactly like me ahha and then after the game a bunch of ppl came up along with the girl and asked if they could take a picture of us together haha. i'm excited to see how those turn out O_o it was my paparazzi moment :P and i saw a lot of people that i've met before so got to talk to other people again too which was nice :) sharon came! haha yuuup and another thing happened with the sam's shortstop. that was kinda awkward so i shall not broadcast the story lol but it was veryyyy weird. but YUP umping was pretty fun! got to ump every single base except for home XD even first! haha and it was jokes because at the very end all of sack of rice just started to talk to us and we were like .."hi" ahahah but it was cool. fun team (FUN TEAM OSCAR I CALLED YOUR TEAM FUN :D) and then we saw them at pho XD then went to jo's with oscie (tricked him goood) and then homehomehome :D and that about sums up my super busy fun-filled awesomeee weekend. :D

T_T

i can't believe i'm struggling so hard with the end of summer... idunno i learnt the hard way that sometimes you really just need to move on. but right now i really don't want to =( but inevitably fall will come and i'll head off to university. and i will probably love meeting new people and being all independent but i'm really sad that it won't be the kind of fun that i've had this july and august.

i guess i started thinking about it again because this weekend was just very very fun. i've always loved playing with soldiers and going to socials but this year i just felt a lot closer with the group, probably because just got to talk to people more, the amount of time we spend with each other and not only softball time but also at church/fellowship :) i love being around people that i know care (EVEN WHEN THEY MAKE FUN OF ME >___>) i guess it's kind of funny haha it's just sad because i know some of these people i won't really be talking to much or seeing at all after i head into loo. probably until next summer even... like howard? =( what 22 year old will talk to me about going into space in his gundam and act like he's ...10... hehe and i like that people will drive me home! and are very gracious with rides :) thanks kevinnn lol (not only that you drive me home, also the ride is quite fun ^^) and i like that people buy me food. not because i get free food but because they buy me food without me asking and that makes me feel good haha thanks for treating, guys!

IDUNNO i like that everyone is encouraging even when i clearly suck at softball haha thanks kevin i know you try :P and the grade 9ers are so cute hahah they are so younggg and they kind of make their own little jokes in their little group but i'm glad i was paired with tim wong on that one time we did surveys and he was so shy! haha and daniel when he posts on my wall and he's very happy about softball lol i hope they continue to play in ccsa but eventually actually go to socials and stuff cause that's where we have the most fun ^^

anyway this was our last weekend of regular season games. and we ended off with a record of 5-5 :) and we won both of those games to get there. playoffs? maybe.. but mannn this weekend was ridiculously hot =( and i umped a senior game at 2pm so the sun was killer =( but i really got to see the difference between junior and senior.. and i think i'm really fortunate to be playing in juniors and to be much less competitive and to know we have a leadership that is trying to work on that :) will also came out to our game. i learnt today that he does not go to games randomly haha and that he knew soldiers had a game at bevglen and he came out to watch and help us take pics ^^ gah will is so nice! lol

argh kay anyway i didn't think this would be so long =( i guess i'll just try to make the most of the rest of my summer. and really pray for my friendships to not die.. really want to eat and chill with people before i go off to uni. lol i make it sound like i'm goign somewhere far and never coming back again haha AH i hope i don't get too emotional on the day before i move in >__> haha wow i'm lame =(

ps. TO MO! if you read this :) hahah howard! the wall thing was pretty funny :) girl drivers! yay i trust andrea ^^ and i'll let you know if i ever come to mac, i don't know too many people there but it's sort of close? and jacky is there too except he's always too cool to hang out with us when he comes back on weekends... and i hope we have moooreee socials :) even if our season is ovar!

teen drivers

this summer i learnt that teen drivers really are kind of dangerous haha. but mostly because they're easily distracted... that or they're impatient. oh and these drivers are all male... i guess it's cause girls don't drive as much. i'm kinda surprised i haven't gotten into a car crash this summer haha.. knock on wood? >_>

1) Kevin is distracted by something? does not realize Jon is reallly close infront of him. BRAKES REALLY CRAZY AND IT"S SCARY CAUSE THE BRAKES LK JAM AND UNJAM KINDA ... IT'S THAT THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH PHYSICS... yeah that was scary >_< almost crashed~
2) Kevin not paying attention again. i can't remember waht it was. he was just distracted. it was scary. there might've been swerving. or maybe he just did that to be mean >=\ i'll stop distracting you now T_T
3) Phil's car.. everyone is fighting over what channel, wendy is screaming "good night!" so there's a big fight over the radio. phil is very distracted. wendy starts screaming "red light!" but it sounds like goodnight... so when phil finally realizes he brakes suddenly! but not in time.. so he pretended as if he was just turning right... lol ALMOST ran a red light
4) my bro has been driving me to some places and ooomgosh he's so reckless! hardly stops at stop signs and he brakes so close to the car in front/stop light/stop sign. he doens't slow down on turns and ahhhh scary lol i'm surprised he hasn't been in an accident yet..

tons of driving stories this summer. i hope wendy will take me around in her awesome convertible car =O she's so crazy haha must take pics! and as scary as these car rides may seem i think i'm going to miss them haha. strangely... yes

phil and i also went to a park near my house and we went to go look for meteors during the Perseid's meteor shower thing :D i ended up seeing 3 :O so you CAN see these things in rhill ^^ we also had a good chat about stuff in general haha AHHH i love summer =( don't gooo~

not ready to go

well i said i was going to write about kevin but too bad for him ^^

anyway i've been doing some thinking, actually more of a reflection, about this summer and i think God has been revealing to me the purposes of having me not go on a missions trip this summer. I've really been having a fantastic time this summer, mostly from just socials with softball people and hanging out with church friends after service or fellowship :) and felly too has been fun with malachi grad and random stuff just being with church peeps ^^ and He's just been teaching me so much through these experiences especially with softball and really just building up my relationship with Him. hopefully it stays strong when i go to uni..

as i was just getting out of highschool i was actually really really wanting to go to university. i was really excited and anxious and i just could not wait. now i guess it's a little different. i'm still looking forward to it and i'm sure it'll be tons of fun but i'm also pretty sad cause summer is ending fast! i'm probably just sad because i'm having so much fun now and not really wanting it to end, but ofcourse we all have to kind of move on, right?

IDUNNO what i'm trying to say really.. i guess i'm just going to miss summer...and all the people that won't be with me in waterloo but i really hope i can stay in touch with people and meet up when i come in on weekends and stuff. i think it was good at malachi grad when we got into mini groups for each grad and just prayed for their needs and prayed for them when they go off to university. the feeling you get when you know you have people there that will support and pray for you is awesomee ^^
i guess i'm really thankful for all the friendships that came out of this summer. and i hope that those ones will last and we can keep supporting each other in university wherever we are.

yupyupyup gotta hang out with people before we all go off wherever =( and i also gotta learn how to cook more things + do laundry + how to dry my clothes without having to use dryer! ahhh yah :)

how divine!

I guess this post started because I wanted to post some stuff that I really found outstanding in my devos.. then i kinda procrastinated on it so it built up into a lot of other add-ons so this might be another long post. but here goes:

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."
Romans 8: 6-8
I really liked this verse for some reason.. it's just so TRUE. How life-giving God is and how he gives us peace is beyong amazing. and very bluntly but truthfully so, if we love God, we want to please Him, and we cannot if we are trapped by sin.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? [...] For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8: 35-39
It's just a very comforting verse. It reassures me that no matter what God is reaching out to me and loving me, and i can only hope to be able to love God back in times of trouble, hardship, etc. It helps me see God's omnipotence and how He has sovereign control. :)

Idunno this is just what I really took away recently from my devos ^^

NEXT... bad transitions between topics.. haha but I was recently re-watching a video on youtube and i tend to like to read comments bout vids just to see how other ppl feel or react to it... and the video i was watching is called "That's my King! Do you know Him?" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z15FlTONVo) and ofcourse vids like these always generate a lottt of debate between Christians and non-believers... but it's really sad and disappointing to see what some people have to say about God, Jesus, Christians, and religion in general. I can't even imagine how much people lk that are hurting God and yet He still loves them... so remember to keep the ppl that don't know Christ in our prayers!!! Hope that someday they might also see and find the super-awesome God that we have the great great honour of knowing. ^^

okay next bad transition. i just wanna talk about softball... :D we're not doing quite as well this year as we have been doing in the past but i had a great convo with phil about how soldiers is doing. and we don't really mean our record. we were kinda talking about our team spirit and leadership. i'm not really on leadership... but i forget how we got on that topic.. but yeah it was really great because we talked about where we think we went wrong with losing focus on what the point of softball is. It's really hard to not be competitive at all in sports really... but somewhere along the way winning and losing became too important. well partially about the fact that there's playoffs and we want to get into playoffs but i wish we were a team that does not lose in spirit when we lose in points. idunno if i should say what phil said since he also told me to not say anything cause i'm not on leadership and he's talking to greg about it and all. but basically we talked about setting examples. and i'm really proud of phil. i feel like i've seen him really get to grow in his relationship with God and i'm glad that he's willing to sacrifice and change himself for the benefit of others. MAYBE I GAVE AWAY TOO MUCH THERE >__< but honestly we just had a double header today and we lost both. and then we had a devo that contained topics: God's divine plan (nothing happens through coincidence), blind to the fact that you're blind. it's amazing really how God works. we think we're too proud as a team and we don't know humility. we've placed winning over what really matters. having fellowship and fun as a team and with other teams.. as lame as that might sound. and this is God's way of telling us to be humble, to be one of those "not as good" teams so we might find that winning is not everything. blind to the fact that we were blind. well it took us many losses and this is just God's way of breaking us down. we couldn't see how much we were focusing on winning and wanting to win and we couldn't even see there was this problem. but yknow i'm glad we talked about this. i believe in leadership :D

ANYWAY that was kinda a long post. i still have mroe to say. maybe if i posted when things happen and not wait til later i won't have to write super long posts that ppl get bored of. next timeeee.. imma blog about something to do with kevin lol

contact (pt2)

well what's kinda funny is that i kinda forgot all the awesome things that happened last weekend that i wanted to blog about... but i remember the general gist of it.. good thing i left that list of things in pt1...

what i'm really really enjoying this summer, and to think i would've missed out on SOO much if i went to hk, is SOFTBALL. i absolutely love hanging out with Soldiers. Well let's not just limit it to softball.. but just hanging out with people from church in general since i don't get to do that often during school it seems. The environment is just great, i always feel happy and i love the support. it just becomes most apparent with softball because of games and practices and always eating with the team before/after/during socials. so many jokes and laughter just comes out of it and getting to know new people and get closer with old friends. like i've been playing on the same team with kevin for 2 years and i didn't really know him until this year! and it's been really great getting to know him haha. also getting closer to girls too like maureen, esther, andrea, and aly! it feels very good getting to fellowship and just having the opportunity to play in such a good environment and being able to build better friendships with my team :D

on the downside though.. i feel like i've been neglecting my relationships with my school friends. because i love and enjoy so much more hanging out with church friends/team i've put them before my school friends... also because my weekends are pretty full and my friends tend to plan things for the weekend.... and therefore i cannot go. idunno. i just haven't been good in terms of my friendship with school people. It hasn't ever been amazing and i don't really feel that attached to them.. although i feel like i'm missing out a lot when i don't go to stuff that they plan.. i feel lk i'd be having a better time with my team anyway T_T idunno i feel bad that i'm thinking/seeing it this way. maybe it's just that i kind of need a break from them? i mean i have been wanting to get out of highschool since grade 11... idunno it's tough and i feel rather conflicted about it but idunno what to do. softball kinda takes priority for sure though so. yeah... we'll see how it goes.

ANYWAY TODAY i had a splendid day playing softball haha. it was extremely fun playing sanctified.. i guess because i knew a couple of the people.. but they were just a fun team overall and we even played the extra inning for fun! and lots of food at the end haha I EVEN BASE COACHED but then howard forgot he needed to run and then i wasn't yelling at him enough.... so he threw his gloves at me =( and i batted so much because we had such few people! just a really great day. and kevin drove me home which was nice because there was no one there today that lived close to me =(

contact! (intro)

so it's kind of late so i don't want to write a super long post but here's the prelude to "contact! (main)" one. so basically i called it contact 1) because it's the name of the game we played at jon's bbq 2) because i'm so happy about the contact i've been making with ppl this weekend 3) not as happy with the contact i'm not making with school people 4) and the good talks i've had today =D

basically just some building friendships, talk about friendships, bonding, loving, and nice stuff for the most part =) this weekend of softball was pretty darn good. i'm proud of myself for making it on base! and good stuff for jj and tim being after me to send me home haha i love my teammm but i hope we grow together and not just to play softball but also love that we're playing and united in LOVE. ^^

NATURE vs me? :(

i haven't blogged in awhile but i guess it's just cause i've been too lazy/too tired. for 5 days and 4 nights i went on a grade trip .. with my grade. to some provincial park called the sandbanks. and i realized maybe camping isn't my thing. the bugs and spiders and MOSQUITOS half killed it. i guess the rest of it (in retrospect) wasn't that bad, but washing dishes was terribly tough.. it was a pretty cool experience though. lots of good times with friends. and i was able to SWIM again since i can't swim much in pools cause of chlorine and eczema, but at the lake it was niiice =D i couldn't get enough of it! (at least until it started becoming really cold and my hands went numb... ) the place was also pretty nice i guess. most amazing at night :) the stars were amaaaazing. so clear and they actually TWINKLED. and the tons of shooting stars you can (apparently) see. i only saw about 10 in total but i saw this humongous one that actually looked lk a rock falling out of the sky.. one night we just lay down on this like strip of road and looked up into the sky. pretty scary actually haha and just looked at stars/shooting stars. i also saw a firefly!! that was cool. made a witty joke about the "grave of the fireflies" hehe

I also took a 30ish minute long walk by myself :) at first it was because i was annoyed and just needed to take a long breather and to kinda pull myself together, to ask God for guidance and strength to face the things i don't want to...but it turned into a 25ish minute session with God in which i just wanted to praise and worship Him :) He is just SO amazing, i can't help myself from just wanting to tell Him how great and awesome He truly truly is. It helped that the place we were camping at was beautiful.. especially the beach =)

anyways.. a lot of people were crying on this trip because it was "the end". i felt really bad that i couldn't find the same emotion, that i felt little sadness in the fact that my entire highschool experience of 6 years was ending.. maybe because a lot of my friends are going to the same university... it's strange looking back on all the reasons i DID cry.
1) what someone wrote in my yearbook
2) yy leaving/audriana talks about "how we will still see each other" made me cry <--- i cried the LEAST in this situation T_T I"M SO HEARTLESS
3) bullies >=\ (but this one ended well.. good talk, real feelings, got some stuff cleared up)
but honestly yeah T_T i'm happy for the past 6 years, but i've been ready to move on for awhile. (though it fluctuated...) i know i will keep in touch with the people that matter and it isn't the end... as for those that i don't know as well.. well no offense >__< but how can i have the feelings of missing them. maybe i am just cold hearted T_____T anyway... lol

so now i'm back in toronto. glad to be home =) and pretty bored though. maybe it's cause other ppl are gone on a camping trip again. i can't even watch my animes/dramas when they're gone!! but i'm trying to find things to do. sad that i can't go to summer conference! =( makes this friday extra boring. but it's alright =) i don't want to be those ppl that needs to have stuff planned every single day to be happy ^^

IT"S OVERRRR

my highschool experience is about a week from being over.. :) yay?nay? i guess i'm more happy than sad about it. electives sound like a ton of fun and i'm glad planning allows for lots of room and not so many restrictions. wish i had more of this stuff in highschool. but yeah i have grad prank, last day of school and grad trip left so i think i'll have fun :) then SUMMER :)

exam time

phew just got physics and math over with today. it was... alright i supposed. i assumed a lot of things in physics so i hope i got it right T_T but lots of guessing. math was alright i suppose but for both exams i'm not sure of any of my answers =( but now i can chills and do nothing! until data... but i don't want to work! it's SUMMMMMER and school is essentially over for me =D

not much happening recently. sleeping late again.. gotta work on that. and gotta find new things to cook cause i can't cook anything =( also this song by jesse mccartney called "just so you know" is stuck in my head a lot lol yaaaaar...

united

so this weekend thus far has been pretty amazing. just some side things to blog about before i get onto the main point... HID was pretty fun. nothing special or anything but enjoyable =) a nice break from school and just good outdoors time. played the s6 vs staff softball game this year. so old now haha but i got a run =D i was just lucky that radu had a good hit haha. i also watched UP.. really cuuute movie but a looot of sad parts =( cried so many times haha >_< doh so lame T_T but yeah good stuff. and felly was good, talked to deaconess lorraine =) she's always so supportive and stuff. ^^

anyways i really wanted to blog about my saturday... because it was a very good day :) i had an STM training but had to leave early to go to ontario place for the hillsong concert! good thing i stayed long enough to learn about the other team members going on the trip. it's just really amazing to hear how God works in people's lives and meets all their needs and how each one of us seem specifically picked for this team. and how we're all just there together and wanting to do what we're called to because we love God. anyways it was good times at Ontario Place. too bad there was no maze =( but we went on random log ride which wasn't very wetting. i think i got a bit sunburned on the face. not to a peeling extent though. it was cool cause kevin came with us and we don't really hang out with him a lot but he wanted to go to the concert :) when hillsong began to play and stuff, i had the same feelings come back to me from the first concert. just how amazing and uniting God's love is. similarly to the STM, bringing people together to tell of the good news, there were a ton of people, gathered to worship God and to shout his praises all because we love Him. It's really amazing seeing a pretty much full concert and everyone worshiping. A lot of people asked me if it was better than the first time i went and i had never really thought about it before.. but it really asked me to reflect on that. I realized i've come a long way since the last concert two years ago. i've matured so much as a person (despite the fact that i keep pointing out i haven't changed...) but especially in my walk with God. two years ago was more of a rededication moment for me. but this year was much different. i wasnt as hit by the words of the song in the way that "wow God is so amazing, i'm terrible for having denied Him so much" but more of a "Yes, God IS amazing and i want to shout out how wonderful He is". I think i used to get caught up a lot in just singing the songs but i've been trying very hard to focus more on the words of the songs and mean them when i sing them and that just made worshipping Him even more fulfilling. it was also great seeing the friends that i went with also worshipping. I'm glad that all the people decided to come and could make it. I know some were hesitant or maybe only wanted to go for Hillsong, but i really hope that last night made some difference in their night, whether it was learning how to worship better, or self reflection. I know a lot of people might walk away from events like this and be on a spiritual high or some sort of high from the excitement. But I hope that everyone, including me, could worship like that ALL the time and not just in big concerts and events that give you that "feeling". Just truly mean what they sing and reflecting on it. Anyway that's my little spiel about the concert. I learnt a lot from it ^^ God is awesome :)

after that we just went to eat korean and stuff. got a ride home at like 3? (sorry oscar T_T but thanks ^^) and basically fell into bed... good day =)

PROM: the experience?

i didn't have many expectations for prom. and that's good because if i had, then i would be disappointed. >__> but it was still fun and all. nothing as glitzy and glamorous as you see in the movies but fun nonetheless. i kinda maybe would've liked it if it was at more of a banquet hall style MAYBE. maybe that stuff is better for bigger groups. not sure... but yeah i did my own hair, own make-up, which looks really non-existant in pictures. i felt like everyone was much dressier and prettier =( maybe should've done more stuff but whateverrrr and they had really nice dresses =( too bad i hadn't charged my camera cause i didn't get pictures at preformal but i just borrowed other people's cameras lol thanks to jeff for charging my batteries T_T my shoes are quite ruined by the grass though and his house is sooo nice..

mm as expected the limo wasn't that fascinating but i guess it was kiiinda fun. our driver was jokes. he told me that we should leave our guns in the car (since there was a body security check thing lol) the formal venue was aites too. nicely decorated but small... and we started really late so that wasn't so good cause less dance time and there were lots of rap songs that i didn't know ... yah whatever. dinner was aites. i found out i don't like creme brulee haha just lots of photo taking... i feel lk i didn't even take taht many photos. also all my photos are bad cause my bangs are sooo ugly T_T whatever though. i don't think the formal part of the night is even that memorable... i really liked my corsage though XD

i think the memorable stuff happened at the afterparties.. good and bad. han's was relaly messy T_T i finally know what it feels like to be the one that takes care of drunk ppl at parties... this one person was really out of it and he had a terrible day apparently and so i guess he drank a looot. and he was gone sooo fast T_T but aly wanted someone sober to take care of him so i said sure. i was really scared >__< incase he did something spontaneous but can't just leave him. so i said yeah and i kept making him drink water and he was falling over and it was terrible cause i'm not very strong. and he said he wanted to tell me smething i can't tell anybody but he was too drunk to remember.. then at some point we had to lift him to the washroom cause he said he had to go. then we lifted him back down and then he threw up... on my hand... and apparently got on my shirt.. and it was just so bad cause he was unconcious for a bit and we had to wake him and get more water for him.. stressful.. but good thing there were ppl there who knew what they were doing. and they were helping him feel better. also there was another guy who gets emo when he drinks and he says sort of mean things to me in physics but i always take it as a joke... but he was like "salina! i'm so sorry i'm such a jerk to you. i don't mean the things i say to you, it's just a front i put up because i'm scared of having a real friendship with people" and that was so sad to hear T__T the whole time there was really depressing and i felt really sad and frustrated at the same time. it was sad that some people need to do this to themselves to "escape" and it's sad cause the second guy said "i probably won't even rememeber all these things i said to you when i'm sober and i won't even change" haiya. and the vomit thing was just gross and that didn't help my mood.. but jo made a good point about how he thought this was how God was showing him that drinking uncontrollably or too extreme amounts is BADDD

2nd party at bmas was better than i thought. i thought it'd be a lot more people but some people were sleeping already so it was fairly easy to get along with everyone. also cause i've met some of the people before. they were pretty funny and jokes. some ppl just played smash in the basement lol just lots of things to laugh at i guess and i slept on the table .. that wasn't that fun haha but interesting. should've taken pics then too just to remember those times

overall the whole prom thing was a fairly good experience. more so the parties just to know what it's like. really wish my bangs loooked better lol

i can't not work!

well i can but still at the very last minute i still feel obliged to work. and i so wish i could blog because i haven't blogged in awhile and i miss it maybe just a tiny bit ^^ but DARN ENGLISH ESSAY. makes the book i'm reading much less enjoyable. although it's already pretty weird on its own... 65 more pages to go!

MOTHERS <3

well mother's day was pretty cool :) in general weekend has been going okay, sunday being especially good. saturday i was out for most of the day and went to pmall with caius and sharon to go phone shopping! such pro docomo phones with 8 megapixel cameras.... NEED MY PHONE TO WORK! and just chatted about stuff good bonding time with people i don't usually hang out with often. then met with oscar and jo and more pmall chilling and eating =D so i was at pmall for lk 6 hours T_T and then i went to 4:24 redefinition! it was actually really good. not a huge turnout but it was very insightful and really offered a different outlook to the idea of worship and how we can use multi-media to worship God. and not doing something to make time for other things that we should do. and how doing something that glorifies God is also worship. all in all great performers and speakers :) rhyme minista!

sunday was mother's day! :) i ate breakfast with my mommy, went to church and sunday school was really interesting. near the end of eric's lesson we talked about how we would write down from 1 to 1000 dollars, what we thought we were worth. Somehow it came to equating what we were worth and how perfect we are. and most of us stayed 20 minutes longer than the usual time just to keep learning about it and in discussion about how worth and "perfection" are not proportional. and it was really cool and insightful! and it's been good now that esther is back since she has the car a lot and her and curtis like to go out all the time after church XD and we went to eat at ginza! it's really cool how i hear about all these plans to "revamp" (for lack of better word) the youth fellowship/ss. then as esther was driving me home we got on the topic of planet earth. and it was weird cause i was just looking at it yesterday! and yeah it's so cool ^^ and then i went cheung k with my mom xD at focus karaoke... so jokes! and we went to eat a good dinner ^^ and that was my good sunday

and that was also my work-free weekend!

troubled...

annoyed, peeved (if this is a word), confused, more annoyed..., "torn", bit upset, CONFUSED..., some things always change .. but i swear i'm always the same.. big fail at self-improvement... =(

doh emo post >__<

so much fail in two days!

in the past two days i've had an assignment and two tests. and everything was totally failllll. and my ds broke T_T nuuuu. ah well it's okay >_< marks aren't that important anymore i guess and maybe i can still play my ds if it's only hanging on one hinge.. T_T

anyways thanks for the people who comment btw :) just nice to see some feedback haha. so many thing are coming up and so many things are happening it's becoming hard to keep track! :P

i'm trying to go out more and get more fresh air and to do more exercise T_T flabby armssss! yeah not much up kinda random. might go take a nice walk now!

what a wonderful maker!

coming to church always reminds me how great it is to have friends who are Christian.. sometimes it's just like an understanding of each other beyond just a level of friendship that ... is indescribable. anyways today was the first time we decided to try out a prayer meeting thing for youth fellowships and some of the uni people and while i would never have gone to those "older" people prayer meetings, this youth-based one was really great. i'm glad i decided to skip out on dinner (sorry jo!) but it was so worth it. just being able to share about yourself and your week and to hear about other people's lives is really great because i know they listen and i know they care. and group prayer is always just awesome ^^

felly was good too. we talked about testimonies and we wrote them out and stuff and we shared with each other and it's nice hearing how God has made Himself known in other people's lives and it just shows so strongly of how God can cater to us all and provide for us.

then we decided to go out to eat and it's good because alysan and sharon came this time too whereas usually they're not as allowed to go out but they had rides home this time haha and it was just really good chatting, talking about things, lots of laughs, embarassment haha it's all good stuff. it's also nice cause uni ppl back and phil is coming out to church again and curtis drove me home so we chatted about stuff and it's just nice to be able to talk in general :)

it does kind of suck that i only make these things after hanging out with people from church or being at church but everytime is just like such a resounding reminder of why it's so important to have those Christian bros and sisters there supporting, like at a prayer meeting or even just those end-of-felly group prayers :)

我突然發現~

well things have been interesting to say the least...

so i got something that reminded me of this MV

which was kind of embarassing but i guess cute if i had been watching.. but the rose is very purty and blue. and then someone was dumb and then it got messy and then dramaaa but not actually that much lol

mmm SOMA. is actually kind of funny... at some points. like when countries argue for ridiculous stuff and everyone is lk wutwutwutttt. and i'm just laughing... yarr. typing isn't that easy =( poo i want to be page! = exercise but then again i cannot handle heels.. NEED MORE PRACTICE FOR FORMAL?

also curtis is starting up a youth prayer meeting before felly on fridays and he's trying to implement cell groups with the highschoolers and university people? so i think that's actually really cool and i'm glad the younger people are taking more of an initiative in the church :D yay

feels like a long weekend!

friday: well the day was relatively chill and i can't even remember what i did during school anymore... but anyways i had ultimate afterschool and that was aites. nothing special really. thennn i went to church early to prep for bbt night and jo, nate, and oscie went to eat kfood. i'm glad my friends decided to show up or it would've been phil and i sitting by ourselves =( no friends lol.. anyways for our first event like this that we've ever done i'd say it went alright :) skit was massive embarassment but whatever. at least people came out and the speaker was pretty good. most people seemed to enjoy themselves and it was nice seeing some old school friends and kevin (thanks for getting out of your house!) who hasn't come for awhile =P afterwards we chilled at destiny's til 12ish and it was good. phil got to meet ma friends, thought jo could've been my brother.. hahaa. mm getting late and parents angry so we left and jo slept over and we didn't do much other than sit and chats and a lot of it was about God, Church, and Christianity and it was just so great because i never get to sit down and just talk about how God works in our lives and how amazing He is. so i'm glad to have a close friend who is also Christian and we can share about our faith. so we kind of stayed up til 3-4 AM just talking about our lives/God and we were super tired...

sat: well woke up at lk 1 and went out for some "Afternoon tea" at 2 and then shopped at pmall and i saw a nice blazer for soma but it was like 80 dollars *dies* but i got 25 dollar shoes! hooray ^^ then headed to markville... which blacked out... and everyone was just waiting for stores to reopen but it never did =( so we all had to leave lol interesting experience.. and yeah then went to jo's house and chatted with his dad lol and ate "chut cheen yut ding" >__> he made. yarr and then we went to his felly and i learnt how to melt chocolate and the kids at his church are so cuteee with chocolate stains all over their face. keke.

sun: supposed to have softball practice but it rained =( i was hyped! but sok went to eat pho with a bunch of ppl and it was fun and jokes times. i didn't know adrian was so random lol and then we went to the carnival! at steeles and yonge hahaha took pics >__< lol then bused to markville and didn't get anything T_T i better find something by thurs T_____T this is so bad and last minute!!

all in all super awesome weekend. returning to school not that fun... lol but next weekend to look forward to!

strong strong like a soldier~

so things have been pretty okay. i completely pwned math quiz woots. oh as well as physics. and i have soma to look forward to = missing lots of school! bbt night this friday and super worried about forgetting lines and stuff but i hope it'll be good somehow :) frisbee is also starting and it makes me happy when i exercise ^^ reversing all the effects of late night icecreammm.

things on my mind? just waiting for assignments and summatives to get them over with... i'm actually so anticipating the future. sometimes i feel like i need a huge fresh start. it's not that i'm getting bored or anything maybe... more like i like to meet people? idunno haha either way i'm anxious. i do kind of wish i was more in touch with some people and just talked more. i realize that would mean running tons of msn convos at once and it would be terribly hard to keep track. but i realize there are some friendships that could've carried on better and stuff.. but there's always time to build that back up :)

another thing on my mind is formal i guess. aka prom .. the fact that this night hardly means anything to me makes me feel stupid for stressing about a date. idunno people might interpret this as bitterness because of my frustration with not having a date.... but idunno. i want to be a person that is strong and confident enough in myself to not feel self-concious without a date. but ofcourse i am not like that... but i've talked to some people. and they're just like it's cool and i hope it's cool... >__>

ANOTHER thing. money i suppose. i'm kind of poor.. and then everytime i spend i'm kind of like. oh crud.. i shouldn't be. but then it's not working harder = more money anymore since i think i will get 2000 scholarship. and i can't just go get a job because no one has hired me yet =( booo. i would work lk crap conditions i don't care!! =( i want to work hard so my parents don't have to worry as much T_T but i fail... i guess work hard in uni to try to get best coop jobs and earn more moneys >_<

the final summer

天天都能见面哦你住的也不远
being able to see you every day and you don't live far away
从来就不曾烦恼过时间
there's never been a time that i've worried
在同一个校园看同样那一张脸
at the same school, watching the same face
想不出未来又会有怎样改变
can't think how the future could change
最后一个夏天我们就要说再见
the very last summer, we'll have to say good bye
很想知道你会记得我哪一点
really want to know how you will remember me by
最后一个夏天没有心情去海边
the very last summer, in no mood to go to the seaside
只想静静躲在房间翻照片
just want to quietly hide in my room flipping through pictures
梦还是一样甜我们都还是我们
dreams are still just as sweet, we are still ourselves
睁开眼离别却已在眼前
opening our eyes but can't look away from what's in front
如果努力一点将来也许很有钱
if we perservere bit more, perhaps in the future we will be very rich
那时候什么愿望都能够实现
at that time, whatever wishes can come true
最后一个夏天我们不要说再见
the very last summer, we don't have to say goodbye
只想知道你是否记得这一天
just want to know if you will remember this day

i know this is kind of more like... a love song.. but i think it's somewhat applicable to now. this is the final high school year, the final summer, etc. but this talk of university is just as exciting and i guess this kind of related to friends.. in a naive sense maybe. like how you always expected to be friends forever and forever.. not seeing how the future could ever change. and this being the last summer a lot of ppl see this as good bye. and it's true. to a lot of people it is like a goodbye... but to some people we don't have to say goodbye :)
i also liked how the song was like... "i'm not in the mood to go out and have fun at the beach or whatever, but i want to just stay in my room in look at pictures and memories" i like how the song kind of said that in a simple way... it's just kind of nice haha idunno i guess it's just a lot about the future, what will happen, where will we be, having to work hard for it, friends, memories.. etc. yar :)

weekend!

so this was a pretty good long weekend..
fri: baptisms! listening to junior worship team practice for bbt night! getting a ride home just at the right time (God DOES provide!), walking in through the back to joon's tofu then bowing to waiters ^^ and they said zai jian ahahah, got home and walked dog~, got picked up by some g's and went to fmp and ate in the foodcourt ^^ good talk haha

sat: met up with crystal and vaughn mills and took long time shopping and walking the whole mall :) didn't buy anything though so fairly happy but i just like to shop and look anyways. super tired though =(

sun: church, then back to joon's tofu, good food good chat, bus to pmall...bus super late... phil freezing in his t-shirt... aly and i still freezing in our coats. huge accident on steeles >__<, met esther at pmall and lots of window-shopping and didn't buy anything! though i did want to =( tried new yogurt thing tho: personalized yogurt haha it was aites



mon: went to volunteer early in the morning... filed for 3 hours haha T_T bussed around handing in TWO resumes ^^ please hire me peopleee. then went home and went out to eat thai food and tenrens! good times haha and now here... time to watch my cop drama!!

trial #1

so today i finally decided to cook that dukboki i had sitting in my fridge. so i did my youtube maangchi reseaarch and i didn't have anchovies =( but it's okay. anyways i made dukboki for dinner! though it's only supposed to be a snack lol but yes... here is the result:



it wasn't as good as the time i made it with lena. i think i put too much water in this time.. and no anchovies! but overall it was still pretty tasty :) rice cake just naturally tastes good lol. so i suppose i can make this dish in university now. i should totally start a whole photo-blog-of-food-i-can-make-in-uni theme. i think that will be fun keke. watch out you waterloo uni ppl... you might find me in your kitchen sometime!!!

My God is the God who provides

A lot of people see this Easter weekend as just a long weekend and time of school, and while that is nice, it's really come a long way from what these past days actually mean for humanity. And we should be grateful for what Jesus did and know that He has risen!

Also it's so great and encouraging to see people getting baptised.. even if you don't know them... just to see people not afraid to profess their faith to people and to see others also be joyous for them. it makes me so happy haha

but actually that's not really what i wanted to talk about mostly. As some people may already know I'm going on a STM to China this summer for 2 weeks and teaching English to students around my age. To be honest, I wasn't sure at first whether God wanted me there, but I felt He had prepared and shaped me for this next step of my obedience to Him. The biggest obstacle in this case was financial struggle. I know it's something i should leave in God's hands, and to have faith that He will take care of that worry.. but my parents are not Christian, family income has gone down so much..., university next year... when i was explaining to my parents how i wanted to go and that it was actually fairly cheap for the stay/food stuff and my dad explained the family financial situation... I was crying quite a bit. asking myself why had i spent this and bought that and not saved when i could've... and stuff it was just a very bad time. but in the end, i found out church could give subsidies and my parents are allowed me to go. However I kept praying for my parents, praying for my family, and praying for the STM .. for spiritual preparation and for financial aid. i don't think i doubted God but i still had fear.. what if the subsidies weren't enough? what if my parents had to borrow money? etc.

however, today something that really moved me and filled me with happiness, gratefulness, just an amazing feeling that is indescribable, happened. One of my leaders and sisters in Christ gave me what appeared to be a letter for my STM. I usually like to open these things in private, so i packed it away in my bag... I got home and assumed it would be an encouragment letter as she just returned from a STM herself, so i opened it up and in the middle of the packaged letter (it was folded nicely) was a cheque. the feeling i felt at that time... maybe a bit scared but also a "oh snap. God answered my prayers and gave me peace in my fears" kind of feeling. infact i was so scared i didn't want to focus on the money.. so i read the letter first. i was expecting like 20 dollars. but it was a lot more... I was just so taken aback.. by her act of generosity, her concern to my situation, and how she really reflected God's love. Even as I write this... I am in disbelief. It was such a selfless act and so just... no one has ever done this and this will be an amazing way to witness to my parents. I also feel stupid. God has come to my aid so many times. why haven't i learnt to fully trust without worry?! God's existence is proved so powerfully through people like this... AHH i'm still so "感動" for all the chinese readers..

他們在哪裏呀？

今天我覺得我朋友像忘了我。 覺得不是真的朋友。。 我真的是傻瓜。 故事是這樣： 今天下課的時候我去玩飛盤。 完的時候是5：30 及我知道他們的羽毛球是大約5點玩完 最不好是我今天忘記帶我手機 所以我問朋友幫我打電話給他們。 我們說會在一條街見面。 我怕他們會比我早所以我快去不過好累。。。 我到那裏的時候不見人所以我去地鐵站看看。。 最怕是他們已經走了還是進入地鐵站的下面。 我拍他們會生氣會對我不好。。。 所以我站在行人路等。。。 我想我5：45 在學校裏開所以大約等到6：20。 我怕他們還等我不過我都要走不想我父母擔心我。 我一路回家的時候想著這件事， 好怕我怎麽跟他們說， 怎麽面對他們。 我真的好對不起， 我真怕他們為我等好久。 是我不好天天都忘記手機。 我回家的1.5 鐘頭我很傷心因爲我不知道怎麽做。 我一個人， 沒有電話， 自己一個女生， 也好冷。。 都好怕。 那就是故事。 上msn的時候我快快找朋友來告訴我怕的東西。。。

跟著一個應該等我的朋友上msn。 是接電話的人。 我說好對不起， 也問他他們到底等在哪裏？ 他就說： 好對不起， 可能是我的錯。 三個人去了吃飯所以我以爲你陪著他們去， 所以我到那條街我不見你， 我就走。

其實我什麽東西都不應該怕。。。是因爲沒有人為我等。 沒有人等我來。是不是因爲他們忘了我啊？是不是因爲不是真的朋友，他們不理我？到底是什麽理由。 其實那三個人之間一個女生是我很好的朋友。 打電話給他們的時候他應該知道我來吧。 爲什麽他都要走。 爲什麽我自己一個人要等著那麽久 其實我是等著不會來的人。 他們應該有一個理由。 不過今天真的覺得好寂寞。。。

they don't know

dangit coming home on the subway i was talking to my friend irene and we were just chatting and i'm not sure how i got to the topic but she told me how two girls were saying stuff about me and calling me.. names that i would never say that are very mean =( and it's so ridiculous because i haven't done anything to them and i actually thought that we were on good terms... APPARENTLY NOT? T___T it's not like i pick fights with ppl at school >__< they also don't even know the context of things... alksjdfd this is so troubling. one girl, while watching a video of show, said something about how i broke kevin's heart and i'm such a beeeep... BUT SHE DOESN"T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE SITUATION WAS LIKE. good thing irene backed me up and was like "you don't even know her!" and stuff and then she shut up...and then the other one liked this guy who sent me a candygram or something except it was lk a quarter of a piece of half a paper!!! so she got jealous and called me a playerrrrrr T____T it's not like i sent HIM one... ugh less salina-hate plz =( and it's not like this is the first time either. this is so dumb =( i think i'm just upset that this happened because i never thought it would. i try to not have ppl hate me... it'll die down in a few days and i just won't care anymore but just having learnt this it's really saddening >__<

You have been killed by [insert username]

i really like to chill after felly. luckily for me jon lives up in markham and driving me home is okay for him. so we go to caius' house and game haha CALL OF DUTY ...4? maybe haha but wooow caius plays so much he memorizes all the maps and knows immediately where someone is by watching their screen, throws it in their direction, and then kills someone. IT WAS RIDICULOUS... anyhow when it got to my turn i wasn't half bad ^^ i know jon and jason were just fooling around so that's maybe why i got half the kills, and 1/3 is prob from flukes haha but still i knew all that halo playing/TRAINING back in the day would aid me in life at some point haha but yeaaaah wewts go me~

looking forward, looking back

i know i posted a lot about not wanting to leave highschool but as the end is drawing nearer I'm really looking forward to university... maybe it was due to my visit into waterloo and how fun it seemed to be able to live on your own and then all the things there are to look forward to in that, and also to be in a new environment, etc. i really do feel that i want to treasure the 3-month time span that really remains of my highschool career but i think i'm having even more fun anticipating the future. It's also really strange that I am so looking forward to what's to come... I don't even know where i want to go nor exactly what i would like to do. i did end up getting into u of t... but lamee i'm too dumb to be offered more than 500 dollars~ it just doesn't really trouble me all that much i suppose... i think right now i'm on a take life as it approaches sort of thing and i'm not sure if it's the right way to take things.. well we'll see where God is taking me :)

以前的我們， 現在的你~

i can't remember what i was dreaming about last night but i think something happened where i re-met stan and everything was good again and we were friends and it's like back in grade 10 when he was the "oppa~". i'm not really sure why that moment came up and stuff but i really do miss him and i think a lot of things would have been nice to share with him but things were just messy in grade 10 and it's too bad how things did happen to end up. i guess i was just dumb back thennn and even when we talked later on it was just not the same and then even if i wanted to talk to him now i'm not sure if he would want to hear from me again.

i do wonder how he's doing, if he's the same person as he explained to me in his letter or if he's different now. is he still even in boston...

風吹過城市 帶來了你的天使

life update~

nothing really exciting or special persay is happening in my life, and i think while many people say that life is boring that way and they wish something exciting would happen, i think maybe i've finally found contentment. That or maybe everyday is great, because it's another day for and with God. I guess my experience at TC has taught me that to have a great day you have to always be with people, or to have a great break, it is not to have something planned everyday so i won't be bored. I learnt that it's important to also cherish those quiet times.

I know a lot of my recent blogs have been about God and my spiritual life and I'd probably have to say it's because of TC, reminding me the importance of reconnecting with God and with the people around me. But i don't feel like i'm a spiritual high or anything.. it is.. indescribable because i just typed like 7 different sentences and backspaced a lot because it wasn't how i really felt. i don't know. but yeah things have been pretty solid, and I'm really trying to improve my relationship with God first, which is what I struggle with most I think.. but i think it's coming along well ^^

i guess i'm just in a very mellow mood and liking when things pass slowly and stuff and not in a rush although sometimes that adrenaline or busybusy-stressstress can be "fun" at times (re: episode of Kino's Journey where the people worked just to have stress, dang such a good anime!)

stuff going on now: not much, just working on resumes/job stuff hopefully, scholarships =(, homework of course. not much :)

mellow song from chinese movie:

but You took my place

there was a skit that they did at TC that I thought was really moving. The scene is set in a restaurant where this one man always comes by himself and sits at a table waiting for this girl. The staff observes that he comes in every night, having reserved a table for two, and waits there in hopes that that night would be the one which the girl would show up. They thought he was foolish to keep waiting and were in disbelief that he could keep sitting there despite all the times the girl did not show up. The staff asks him why he bothers coming every night, why he doesn't give up, why does he continue to wait for her when he's been stood up so many times... and he said: it's because i love her. That night, she did not show up and as he proceeded to leave, he made a reservation for the next night, again a table for two and said bye to the staff he knew so well.

the next scene shows a girl coming home and going to bed, tired from her long day. As she brushes by her table a piece of paper falls to the ground and she reads it and says "oh dangit i forgot again!" and then goes to sleep.

For those who haven't figured out... the man waiting is like God... no matter how many times we reject Him, forget Him, stand Him up, He keeps waiting for us to come back. And how many of us are like the girl... filling our lives up with things to do, keeping ourselves busy, that we don't put aside any time for God. It's really reassuring to know that God will always wait for us, no matter how long He has to wait, however we shouldn't take it for granted. During one of my devos:

Since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God [...] they have become filled with every kind of wickedness." (read further on in Romans 1:28-32 for more indepth verse but that's the gist of it. The more we are away from God the more we fall into sin. So yay God :) for saving us ^^

random note: school is having a dance-off and i was asked to battle Yibo on stage lol! so i said no of course in fear of mass embarassment but this sounds awesome =D

values

a soccer ball costs maybe around $25 dollars at Wal-Mart,but placed under David Beckham's feet costs $250 million

a chair costs around $50 but when Oprah Winfrey sits on it, is worth $260 million dollars

a laptop, about $1000, in Bill Gates hands' is worth $42 billion dollars

a set of 3 nails, no more than $5 dollars at Home Depot, in the hands of Jesus Christ.. is worth your life.

time will tell

abt the change... idunno just wanted to look at something new haha more colour ^^
well march break is almost at its end and this one has been really fully loaded with tons of things to do and to think about. at first i was so afraid of not doing anything since i had no solid plans in the beginning and then i rushed to find things to do now and i'm "booked" solid and i can't find the time to chill with people/ OH and also do work T_T

but ANYWAYS happier things... this break i...
- watched a movie with aly in empty movie theatre (this is great cause you can laugh as loud and speak as loud as you want and no one cares ^^) and then ate some crepes across the street
- had lunch with dwang in our uptown azn place, fmp!
- shopping with some really weird people at fairview, so embarassing >__> saw ron after abt a month of not going to volunteering on the same dates haha
- supposed to go skate that day at felly but instead just stayed in the basement for chill times and JIMMY CAME yayyyy with his violin haha i was quite overjoyed to finally see him as it has been awhile and he is my 弟弟 after all!
- i got a haircut on saturday at art inn =D and it's kind of funny but i really like haircuts ^^（有很多帥的男生！）　and jan came over for some good chill times and walks outside =D
- on sundayyyy i went to church and andrea came back! and dr mccrae's message kind of made me think about stuff but more on that later.. sunday school was pretty funny in general, i really liked how we defined humility as something about recognizing who you are and then recognizing who someone else is etc, then some ppls came over and we had chill times. outside especially since it was so warm yay spring
- on monday i went to rhccc and helped register ppl in for TC junior and i saw janet yay and WILL haha after sooo long used to bump into him a lot very randomly haha and also tabitha! (curtis' cousin) and i'm really surprised she recognized me haha but she's attending jr tc and met this girl who was doing registration with me and it really reminded me of how serving and helping is something i really liked and just seeing it all again.. the early morning of tc and people trying to get things together and the hype slowly building and the full sanctuary was very ..encouraging? not quite the right words haha um after i went to volunteer at YCH and i learnt how to do the mail stuff ^^ and super-filed! thennn went down to lawrence to get yy's present and i saw lena on the way haha heading to library as usual :) and ate at spring rolls with some girls, watched 'he's just not that into you' haha, saw this REALLY CUTE little boy and went home.. chilled for a bit and then went to polly's to sleepover and i REALLY got to write those blurbs for grad ad...
- and today is tuesday... got back from that after dentist and i just sat at yonge and finch for so long and i had laptop with me so good thing cause i could work on my scholarships and job applications =( aiyoo busy busy

THEN next two days will be TC and i'm really excited =D last year! but i definitely hope to come back and help out in other areas.. hopefully i'll be going into waterloo after that to celebrate with wendy and esther! ^^ but i have no present for them >__< and then that means sunday is my free day and by free i mean work.. booo more about more important topic later! wow i guess it must be very not fun to read my blog hahah cause who really cares about all the things i did during the break but me lol BUT

main point of blog: IT"S BEEEN GOOOOD

insomnia part II

this is so ridiculous. i spent another night completely awake.. and when i got out of bed and decided to just wake up.. i think i looked lk a ghost >__< and now here i am at 1:08AM blogging cause i just slept for sooo long :( i don't feel very good >__< i think i'm a little sick cause it was so cold today and i think there's just something... not right. like something is off and it feels not good. in the quietness of the night i guess it's easy to feel loneliness. i realized i'm very needy for company. i get bored so easily by myself..

anyways march break is pretty relaxing i suppose. just cause i don't have to do anything and right now i can't even imagine having to work T__T i'll blog more later about what i've been up to.. i'm going to go back to sleep so my schedule isn't too messed up..

everything is perfect from far away

on the way to benoit's house on the subway and on the bus, i'm with a bunch of other people in my grade, two s5s and an m4... i know nick and dwang are upset cause they couldn't catch the movie with me and they felt ditched? but it wasn't my fault.. but anyways they were half joking mad and half actually kind of annoyed but i think they just wanted to push me around a bit just to get back at me a little. it's nothing really serious i don't think. but as we're about to get on the subway, nick and dwang push me aside so i can't go in first and the "older boys" have to yell at them to stop. it's like the older ones chastising (?) the youngers ones and showing them what's wrong. or the more authoritative kids telling the younger ones to stop doing stupid things. this sounds like it's happened before... why do i laugh even though i don't find it very funny... i don't know. even if it's because i like the attention, i don't want attention drawn to me in that way because it's really embarassing. i have no backbone? do i? idunno >__< similarly on the bus nick was bullying me a bit more and aly had to use somewhat stern serious tone like a "why are you doing that nick..." tone to stop. i feel like i'm some helpless person who other ppl have to watch over because i can't do things myself... and that is really embarassing. i don't know if that's hard to understand or not.. but it is.

all we need is a little bit of momentum

things have generally been pretty good so far. there are sometimes when i just feel very "down" and all but those things pass by quickly. i find that a lot of the times i have nothing to do so i just end up sleeping during spares...

i also can't believe it's already march break! it really just came out of nowhere and i really wanted to go on a trip somewhere but i don't think that's happening.. but i think i'll still be able to enjoy it :) 2 weeks.. lots of sleep.. :D

also the new song i've put up is nice i think :) by the same people as before. i like their style..

i've also become a bit unmotivated since i've been accepted into university and it's not such a big deal to do well since i probably won't go into engineering and i
think i can still pull off the 90+ average..

maybe what i need is some momentum... to get me going?
(re: momentum by the hush sound)

don't wake me, i plan on sleeping in

i have had hardly any work for so long. so goood =D my week in general has been pretty chill and everything and all my uni apps are done. i guess i have nice random highlights like today! it was a fun day :)

AIME yeye AMC 12 was the first non-mandatory math contest i've written in a long time since mr ianine signed me up and i did it while no one else who got signed up did it T__T but i got INVITED to write AIME... a 3-hour long contest of 15 questions and the avg number of questions ppl get is 4-5.... GREAT. no calculators. so maybe i'll go do it for an hour and then give up and enjoy spare =D i'm so surprised at myself. i left like at least 9/25 questions on the AMC blank... i did place at the lower end of the top 5 percentile but oh well i guess something i can write on resumes and stuff... too bad i already submitted all uni stuff. but my mom was very happy yay. i guess thanks mr ianine ^^

GOOD SLEEPING TIME. yayy

grad rings ... wow min price of silver small size ring is 99 dollahs... not getting one =( ruining tradition... sigh..

OISE CRITIQUES OF ARTWORK. so i drew a gundam for art and then this lady who was talking about her response to my drawing said that she thought it was a shoe at first ... and then a racecar.. *cries* is it that bad =( it was so awkward at first but there were some really jokes people that were very enthusiastic and like saying very random stuff... BUT A SHOE..

embarassing moment. so right after art and right before going up to math at my locker i was with polly. then nick and david come over to harrass me and like make me piggy back him and stuff :\ and just like trapping me as usual (but lk through a hug or whatever) and we were just chatting about the o-grams that the f1s sent each other and then jacob and scott come down from class. and so polly and i start trying to go to math class and stuff but idunno nick and david are just like that and then scott makes a comment about "stop coming here to bully little asian girls" or something. and that was just so embarassing ... just being referred to that maybe because at that point i felt really like 5 years old T__T and i can't explain but like helpless and embarassed.. so i continue walking as nick and david are distracted slightly but david like grabs my backpack and pulls me again and then jacob intervenes and is like "come here david hug me instead" and that was also insanely embarassing... i can't really explain why. maybe it's just because i really just stand there and let people push me around and then it seems lk such a hassle for jacob and scott since it seemed like they were annoyed and i felt so ... shamed/embarassed? that they had to do that. and as i was walking away i see like scott pushing nick against a wall as well and i felt so hot with embarassment ... aiyo. and vivek was always just there on the side laughing. i can't explain why this made me so ..embarassed? the scene just seems so.. weird... two older kids are like... scolding two younger kids in lk a babying manner. IDUNNO T__T

judith and i went to dinner today :) on the way to the place, i heard someone yell my name and it was really funny cause i turned around and it was a woman but there was a man's voice and so ju and i were like "did someone call me?" and then we see a bus pull up to uts and realize that it was the ultimate team coming back and someone had yelled my name from the bus XD and it was... ALY ahah. but yah juju and i went to joon's for some good korean food :) korean waiters are so nice! i had kamjatang ^^ and we had good friend bonding/talking time about stuff like formal.. we're quite worried and other random things

MALACHI bowling partay. but more like eating at congee wong next door and talking about the most randommest things. jon, phil and i caught up a bit and it was fun, delicious times.. then we went back to bowl a bit but all i got was two gutter balls booo but it was just really fun in general and nice to talk to phil and jon after... awhile :) and elena in her pink sweater teeheee

hot and cold

and i don't mean the temperature. well KIND OF since it was nice awhile ago and i could wear a sweater out... and then it got super cold. :( but what i meant to talk about was TODAY. it was a both good and bad day on many diff levels i suppose.

always start with the good!
- i always really like to sleep in the commons. and by sleep i mean actually fall asleep. and i did today =D it was quite comfy actually. i kept hearing wilson screaming every now and then but sok i pretty much went straight back to sleep lol
- multicultural lunch =D i didn't actually eat much (since i was selling tix) other than other ppl's food but it was good i got some free food that people left me/gave me. something really funny happened today. klee offered me a meatball but there was no fork! so i was lk okay i will get one! so i was walking back happily with my fork ready for a meatball and 2 metres away the fork falls out of my hands =( it was like one of those omg so happy excited and then sudden disappointment lol a bit embarassing but quite funnies. so the 2nd time around i made sure to hold the fork tight haha good times and good meatball ^^
- the satisfaction of finishing a huge pile of paper at volunteering =)

the bad~
- i gots to cool downnnn just need some thinking time T__T
- MATH FAIL yet again
- super tired from volunteering >__<

i was also looking at some pictures on facebook that someone had of a really nice sea-view and it made me think how it would be if i had grown up waking up to that view every morning.. would it be a similar feeling if someone from that place woke up in my place every morning, looked out my window that looks out onto a plain street and think that it was beautiful? like that feeling of unfamiliarity or does it have to do with our own perceptions that we've grown up with or experienced in our own life of what things are more beautiful than others... IF i had grown up by an ocean would i STILL find it beautiful after being around it all this time? hmm.. kay my deep thought of the day =)

i was also in the library with arnold today looking through our fc accounts and stuff and i keep a lot of my old stuff so we were reading through old random chains and stuff. OMGOODNESS. i can't believe how immature i was ahah and SO STUPID. and how other people (who have now become way more mature) were ridiculously dumb haha except i feel lk in fact we haven't changed all that much. even though we've learnt a lot, inside.. a lot of that silliness is still there and some things just never change. and i think i kind of like that a bit. (though hopefully it's those quirky good things that we keep.. not the bad habits..)
-

counting down

this morning i met rahim on the subway and we had a little chat as we walked from spadina station to UTS. we talked about how time had passed so fast and it was already nearly march. everything just flew by i guess while we were enjoying ourselves. and all this grad stuff is coming up too.. i'm taking my grad photo tomorrow (the formal one) and then we are looking and fitting grad rings on friday, university decisions (yay i got ubc acceptance too) every event that has occurred is our last... our last Show, last semi, our last jazz night and our last couple of months that we will be in contact with lots of people at our school, as it is inevitable that many friendships will be lost... i know this is a really negative way to look at it and instead i could be looking forward to the new things in university and new friendships and i shouldn't be regretful of the things i've lost. As much as i didn't regret losing all my memory and stuff from my laptop, simple pictures, music, and homework don't translate into the same thing as simply not caring that i won't be seeing many of the people at school anymore.

i know i've had really mixed notions of UTS in the past. there was a time when i hated it and i could care less if i just left and went somewhere else. UTS used to mean almost nothing to me as a school and friendships weren't the strongest and i felt the better ones i could still retain. However maybe it's something about being in the graduating year and only having 4 more months with the people i've spent 6 years at school with. i know we all have to move on and there are great new things to explore and look at... but i just want to make the best out of the little time i have left.

i wish i could go out more and spend more time with the people i know and maybe not even know (as well) instead of being super worried about school and everything. (although i know entrance scholarships are nice) and i'm probably only saying this because i've already been accepted to a lot of my programs... need to do more cool stuff =(

hey big city, i'm still waiting

i haven't had such a fun-filled relaxing day lk today in awhile
so i went to Church and service was aites. Sunday school was fun times and good discussion especially since there's that big chain going on about religion and some people are attacking Christianity a lot >__< i think the theme we've been touching on has been very helpful and rika, almond, and abraham are fun and helpful teachers :) then i went to eat lunch at soon's tofu with andrea, irene, and wendy. KIMCHI TOFU CHIGAE stuff so gooood and filling =D and good chats time and i heard some funny stories and a sad one too =( and then i met audriana at finch to go to laurence's party together and we got him a card from morning glory. so many cute things inside! anyways then we went downtown and went to the esplanade this super fancy, triangular shaped condo building. and we went to the penthouse/party room floor. man so nice.. the best was the view. since it was in the "spike" of the triangle, you could see the lakeshore/lake on one side and the other looks into the cityyy and when the sun was setting.. really pretty! and then when it was night and city lights and CN tower in view and everything. SO NICE.. and it was good cause they opened up the balcony doors so we could go out and just enjoy the view even more and stanley was taking pics and everything and it was good times =) good foood too. then it was 8 ish and time to go and jho and audriana and i decided to go watch a movie with jho's 3 free tickets ^^ so we went sheppard grande and confessions of a shopaholic was on at 9 50 so we watched that one T__T SO LATE but sok... had a good talk with them haha interrogating jho about his crushes and he was so tired it was kinda funny. but good times just hanging out with people :)
i have some stuff on my mind. lk how some things are so hard to change yet somethings have become so different. haiii well that's for another day. so sleepy from this super long day!

long weekend :)

yaaay i've just been blogging a lot because i have lotsa free time ^^ which can be both a good and a bad thing...

FRIDAY - PD DAY
we're going to janice's house and... i'm not sure what we're doing haha but i'm sure it'll be good since the girls haven't hung out in awhile with just the girls but i'm not sure who is actually going. and this way i can still make it to fellowship :) kwan and jo are doing the dating/relationships thing (just in time for vday) and i heard it was really funny last year hahaha so i'm anticipating lotsa laughs ^^
i'm a little sad though because dwang invited me to go to their night snowboarding trip.. NIGHT SNOWBOARDING sounds so intense! and cool and i've never done it before so i kind of wanted to go and i'm friends with some of them but no gr 12s were going so it'd be weird i think.. BUT I wANT TO GO SNOWBOARDING ARS

SATURDAY - good ol' vday
super shopping day with my love. but not actually. just crystal haha we're going to go pmall --> fairview --> tenren's? it'll be good catching up time since we've both been so busyyyy and haven't hung out since mid-jan? but yah gotta buy heels for semi and whatever good sales we can find :) vday sales? ^^ and time to swipe that card kekeke

SUNDAY
chuuuurch ^^ i wonder if people are coming back.. then we can all go lunch again =D then after that there's laurence's partay! at the esplanade ^^ sounds lk a pro nice place and a nice way to just chills with people

MONDAY ??
cheung k maybe ... but it might get cancelled but we'll see laa i haven't gone in so long =(

anyways jazz night was pretty cool :) janice was supposed eat with me and watch with me but she ditched me for jeff =( but sok i just spent time with juju instead and helped set up and whatever. i learnt to make the best grilled cheese sandwiches i've ever had. i also got lots of free food =D and i waited tables kinda hehe oh today we also got cuspidors with lk that relationship tree which was kinda funny to laugh at and look back on. the s5s got very into i think since they were lk OMG THIS HAPPENED?! and it was a little awkward when some people asked me. in fact some one ran up to me and cornered me demanding an explanation! lol haiyo.. mm school was pretty good today.
a) i understood generally the physics stuff =D
b) err more math failure though...
c) spares were nice and chill.
d) I LOST MY SWEATER =(..
e) lolll i saw a dead deer (roadkill?) at bayview and steeles. i think i saw that deer alive last year... so sad T__T
f) i made a "new friend" today? new friend meaning... maybe more than just a person i see at school and someone that will say hi =)
g) i really want to go on a tripppp!
h) SEMIIIIIIIII ^^
anyways. good stuff coming up hopefully ^^

兒歌 by deserts xuan <3

all her songs are really smooth and mellow =)

如果受了傷就喊一聲痛
if you've been hurt just scream a sound of pain
真的說出來就不會太難過
if you really say it out, it won't be too hard to endure


生活生活　會快樂也會寂寞
life, life, will be happy and will be lonely
生活生活　明天我們好好的過
life, life, tomorrow we will live well

this is also officially my favourite kid EVER　

my life 一直在等待 (8)

the title of this blog has nothing to do with anything i just thought of it though because they are lyrics to a song by jj lin ^^ lol anywho i have to write AMC tomorrow cause mr ianine signed me up =S BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING. and now i'm going to do the worst out of everyone and it will be terribly embarassing =( i've also got a pretty exciting weekend coming up (long weekend) including a partay, and some cheung k. also possibly another partay/skiing. the only day i don't have anything to do is valentine's day lol. THAT"S ACTUALLY KINDA DEPRESSING when you think about it in such a context. and audriana kept making such a big fuss about not being able to buy chocolate that wasn't heart shaped haha or in a heart-shaped container. it reminds me of something matt lai said a couple years ago (so he was in grade lk 6?) and he said valentine's day is such a bad day because more people feel bad than feel good? haha i can't even remember what it was. but yknow it's ok yahyah single ladies (8) i have no idea how that song goes..

works also keeping me a little busy but things are more or less chill :) stay a little bit afterschool somedays to just chills. study some physics =S aiyo

我很久都沒用中文寫了。 在我腦海裏我想著很多事。 我沒想到我又會喜歡我在七年級喜歡的人。我以爲我在uts的時候我都不會再跟他説話不過他衣物歸很近我的，所以有好多機會可以對他說幾句話。 可能是因爲他很多日都會留在學校做show的東西， 也是因爲我常常都會去看他們還是幫他們， 所以我們講多一點。 我曾經作的目標是又做過朋友， 我有一點思念他。。。 不知道會讓到我又愛上他。。 不過我覺得他是有一點變，一點不同， 不過我也是一樣。 是已經五年當然不會做一樣的人。。 不過我發現我的感情對他都是一樣。 愛個人真的不是兩三天。。 有一日我們兩個都留在學校找相片 （不是我，是為他）不過我陪他們因爲我都沒有功課要做。 我們在臺上面“睡着”（其實説話）不過他拿著我的頭髮完。是不是說過如果一個男生喜歡你他會搞女生的頭髮嗎？ 不過最難是我真的不知道如果他的感情是像我的。。 因爲有時他好像是想陪我談談一點不過在另一個方面他都不會來跟我説話所以我的想法。。真的不知道怎麽辦。 太麻煩啦!