以前的我們， 現在的你~

i can't remember what i was dreaming about last night but i think something happened where i re-met stan and everything was good again and we were friends and it's like back in grade 10 when he was the "oppa~". i'm not really sure why that moment came up and stuff but i really do miss him and i think a lot of things would have been nice to share with him but things were just messy in grade 10 and it's too bad how things did happen to end up. i guess i was just dumb back thennn and even when we talked later on it was just not the same and then even if i wanted to talk to him now i'm not sure if he would want to hear from me again.

i do wonder how he's doing, if he's the same person as he explained to me in his letter or if he's different now. is he still even in boston...

風吹過城市 帶來了你的天使

life update~

nothing really exciting or special persay is happening in my life, and i think while many people say that life is boring that way and they wish something exciting would happen, i think maybe i've finally found contentment. That or maybe everyday is great, because it's another day for and with God. I guess my experience at TC has taught me that to have a great day you have to always be with people, or to have a great break, it is not to have something planned everyday so i won't be bored. I learnt that it's important to also cherish those quiet times.

I know a lot of my recent blogs have been about God and my spiritual life and I'd probably have to say it's because of TC, reminding me the importance of reconnecting with God and with the people around me. But i don't feel like i'm a spiritual high or anything.. it is.. indescribable because i just typed like 7 different sentences and backspaced a lot because it wasn't how i really felt. i don't know. but yeah things have been pretty solid, and I'm really trying to improve my relationship with God first, which is what I struggle with most I think.. but i think it's coming along well ^^

i guess i'm just in a very mellow mood and liking when things pass slowly and stuff and not in a rush although sometimes that adrenaline or busybusy-stressstress can be "fun" at times (re: episode of Kino's Journey where the people worked just to have stress, dang such a good anime!)

stuff going on now: not much, just working on resumes/job stuff hopefully, scholarships =(, homework of course. not much :)

mellow song from chinese movie:

but You took my place

there was a skit that they did at TC that I thought was really moving. The scene is set in a restaurant where this one man always comes by himself and sits at a table waiting for this girl. The staff observes that he comes in every night, having reserved a table for two, and waits there in hopes that that night would be the one which the girl would show up. They thought he was foolish to keep waiting and were in disbelief that he could keep sitting there despite all the times the girl did not show up. The staff asks him why he bothers coming every night, why he doesn't give up, why does he continue to wait for her when he's been stood up so many times... and he said: it's because i love her. That night, she did not show up and as he proceeded to leave, he made a reservation for the next night, again a table for two and said bye to the staff he knew so well.

the next scene shows a girl coming home and going to bed, tired from her long day. As she brushes by her table a piece of paper falls to the ground and she reads it and says "oh dangit i forgot again!" and then goes to sleep.

For those who haven't figured out... the man waiting is like God... no matter how many times we reject Him, forget Him, stand Him up, He keeps waiting for us to come back. And how many of us are like the girl... filling our lives up with things to do, keeping ourselves busy, that we don't put aside any time for God. It's really reassuring to know that God will always wait for us, no matter how long He has to wait, however we shouldn't take it for granted. During one of my devos:

Since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God [...] they have become filled with every kind of wickedness." (read further on in Romans 1:28-32 for more indepth verse but that's the gist of it. The more we are away from God the more we fall into sin. So yay God :) for saving us ^^

random note: school is having a dance-off and i was asked to battle Yibo on stage lol! so i said no of course in fear of mass embarassment but this sounds awesome =D

values

a soccer ball costs maybe around $25 dollars at Wal-Mart,but placed under David Beckham's feet costs $250 million

a chair costs around $50 but when Oprah Winfrey sits on it, is worth $260 million dollars

a laptop, about $1000, in Bill Gates hands' is worth $42 billion dollars

a set of 3 nails, no more than $5 dollars at Home Depot, in the hands of Jesus Christ.. is worth your life.

time will tell

abt the change... idunno just wanted to look at something new haha more colour ^^
well march break is almost at its end and this one has been really fully loaded with tons of things to do and to think about. at first i was so afraid of not doing anything since i had no solid plans in the beginning and then i rushed to find things to do now and i'm "booked" solid and i can't find the time to chill with people/ OH and also do work T_T

but ANYWAYS happier things... this break i...
- watched a movie with aly in empty movie theatre (this is great cause you can laugh as loud and speak as loud as you want and no one cares ^^) and then ate some crepes across the street
- had lunch with dwang in our uptown azn place, fmp!
- shopping with some really weird people at fairview, so embarassing >__> saw ron after abt a month of not going to volunteering on the same dates haha
- supposed to go skate that day at felly but instead just stayed in the basement for chill times and JIMMY CAME yayyyy with his violin haha i was quite overjoyed to finally see him as it has been awhile and he is my 弟弟 after all!
- i got a haircut on saturday at art inn =D and it's kind of funny but i really like haircuts ^^（有很多帥的男生！）　and jan came over for some good chill times and walks outside =D
- on sundayyyy i went to church and andrea came back! and dr mccrae's message kind of made me think about stuff but more on that later.. sunday school was pretty funny in general, i really liked how we defined humility as something about recognizing who you are and then recognizing who someone else is etc, then some ppls came over and we had chill times. outside especially since it was so warm yay spring
- on monday i went to rhccc and helped register ppl in for TC junior and i saw janet yay and WILL haha after sooo long used to bump into him a lot very randomly haha and also tabitha! (curtis' cousin) and i'm really surprised she recognized me haha but she's attending jr tc and met this girl who was doing registration with me and it really reminded me of how serving and helping is something i really liked and just seeing it all again.. the early morning of tc and people trying to get things together and the hype slowly building and the full sanctuary was very ..encouraging? not quite the right words haha um after i went to volunteer at YCH and i learnt how to do the mail stuff ^^ and super-filed! thennn went down to lawrence to get yy's present and i saw lena on the way haha heading to library as usual :) and ate at spring rolls with some girls, watched 'he's just not that into you' haha, saw this REALLY CUTE little boy and went home.. chilled for a bit and then went to polly's to sleepover and i REALLY got to write those blurbs for grad ad...
- and today is tuesday... got back from that after dentist and i just sat at yonge and finch for so long and i had laptop with me so good thing cause i could work on my scholarships and job applications =( aiyoo busy busy

THEN next two days will be TC and i'm really excited =D last year! but i definitely hope to come back and help out in other areas.. hopefully i'll be going into waterloo after that to celebrate with wendy and esther! ^^ but i have no present for them >__< and then that means sunday is my free day and by free i mean work.. booo more about more important topic later! wow i guess it must be very not fun to read my blog hahah cause who really cares about all the things i did during the break but me lol BUT

main point of blog: IT"S BEEEN GOOOOD

insomnia part II

this is so ridiculous. i spent another night completely awake.. and when i got out of bed and decided to just wake up.. i think i looked lk a ghost >__< and now here i am at 1:08AM blogging cause i just slept for sooo long :( i don't feel very good >__< i think i'm a little sick cause it was so cold today and i think there's just something... not right. like something is off and it feels not good. in the quietness of the night i guess it's easy to feel loneliness. i realized i'm very needy for company. i get bored so easily by myself..

anyways march break is pretty relaxing i suppose. just cause i don't have to do anything and right now i can't even imagine having to work T__T i'll blog more later about what i've been up to.. i'm going to go back to sleep so my schedule isn't too messed up..

everything is perfect from far away

on the way to benoit's house on the subway and on the bus, i'm with a bunch of other people in my grade, two s5s and an m4... i know nick and dwang are upset cause they couldn't catch the movie with me and they felt ditched? but it wasn't my fault.. but anyways they were half joking mad and half actually kind of annoyed but i think they just wanted to push me around a bit just to get back at me a little. it's nothing really serious i don't think. but as we're about to get on the subway, nick and dwang push me aside so i can't go in first and the "older boys" have to yell at them to stop. it's like the older ones chastising (?) the youngers ones and showing them what's wrong. or the more authoritative kids telling the younger ones to stop doing stupid things. this sounds like it's happened before... why do i laugh even though i don't find it very funny... i don't know. even if it's because i like the attention, i don't want attention drawn to me in that way because it's really embarassing. i have no backbone? do i? idunno >__< similarly on the bus nick was bullying me a bit more and aly had to use somewhat stern serious tone like a "why are you doing that nick..." tone to stop. i feel like i'm some helpless person who other ppl have to watch over because i can't do things myself... and that is really embarassing. i don't know if that's hard to understand or not.. but it is.

all we need is a little bit of momentum

things have generally been pretty good so far. there are sometimes when i just feel very "down" and all but those things pass by quickly. i find that a lot of the times i have nothing to do so i just end up sleeping during spares...

i also can't believe it's already march break! it really just came out of nowhere and i really wanted to go on a trip somewhere but i don't think that's happening.. but i think i'll still be able to enjoy it :) 2 weeks.. lots of sleep.. :D

also the new song i've put up is nice i think :) by the same people as before. i like their style..

i've also become a bit unmotivated since i've been accepted into university and it's not such a big deal to do well since i probably won't go into engineering and i
think i can still pull off the 90+ average..

maybe what i need is some momentum... to get me going?
(re: momentum by the hush sound)