deeper :)

every year in university God has been teaching me so so so so sooooo much and really challenging me and i hope that i can only go deeper in my relationship with Him! this was a pretty bad week in terms of work but i tried to just draw my strength from Him and to just rely on Him and know his plan is perfect. and i super looked forward to DG and it was greaaaat =D got to share about my week and hear about doris, diana, and monica's and i'm glad that they are honest and open about their struggles and trials =) that really means a looot to me because i know for myself i'm someone who often .. hides things and the fact that they can be open towards me shows me that i can also be open =) and doing Bible study with my dg was so refreshing and it felt so GOOOD to just read His word especially after such a draining week :) it really felt like i was drawing strength from Him ^^ then afterwards headed over to lester and got to catch up a bit with matt though he had to sleep but i'm glad i could just see how he's doing since we've both been busy and haven't had much time to talk about our struggles.

then friday! went SKATING =D but it was cold =( and then i had my first tutoring session and that was really such a good experience. even though my tutee is a graduate student and i suppose he's quite old haha relative to me but he's a really interesting person. and even though there were some awkward silences when you run out of topics but i hope i can help him improve his english! and get to know him more. he is a physics grad student from china ... so smart T_T anyway played softball, went home, helped out with welcome table at ccf =) and watched 1040! It's a documentary about the Christianity movement in Asia and it was such a moving documentary... especially since i guess i'm pretty interested in Asia-related stuff this was... just so good =D anyways i know a lot of people talked about the korean pastor who died as a hostage but i think the line that really reached me was just the fact that people are "dying for their faith" and it made me question if i am CURRENTLY dying for my faith.... am i giving all of myself to God? am i placing Him above worldly and selfish desires? am i truly dying (not physically) for my faith..... the answer is probably no... but i hope that realizing that answer will continue to draw me closer to Him!! i am super thirsty =D for HIM hehe

anyways i really liked 1040 and i want to get my own copy! and theeen after that we went home as a house and it was nice being home on a friday =D and on saturday i unintentionally walked in on caring ministry meeting but it was really good getting to share and hear others share about people they want to care for =) thank God for your love! and had an enjoyable dinner buffet which was hilarious and filling! anyways i have to learn how to write shorter posts... i think i go into too much detail... hahaha overall good times and must complete the goals i set for dg!

academics =S

hmm i've never really been too caught up about marks before :\ maybe a bit in the first bit of university when i got marks lower than what i normally did in highschool and it took awhile to adjust but i think i've reached a new level of fail for me... and i don't really understand why school is such a struggle for me this term but i find that the more i fail and the more i struggle, the more i'm drawn to God and reminded that He is my ROCK! and maybe i'm just used to good marks in highschool but i know that God can easily give and take these things away. I hope i don't let school and academics become more important to me than God. I feel like through these next weeks I really need to learn what it means to draw my strength from God and to praise Him through it all. and that this doesn't stop when it gets easy but only builds! that i continue to rely on Him more! I really don't know why things are this way and what to do in this academic...rut.. but i'll trust in Him :) maybe this is a good humbling experience =) this might mean less complaining on my part!! need to learn to stop doing that...

anyway had my first hockey game today =D so goooooooood hehehehe touched the puck 3 times =D and we won! yaaay

i look to You

i think i had a rough week haha but thanks to everyone who helped me through, regardless if you guys REALIZE it or not.. but i think God worked through a lot of people to speak to me indirectly. AH so good =D

but anyway on wednesday we had our critique for that project and it went okay... major thing is we didn't get DESTROYED but it wasn't terrible. and our group was pretty positive about it :) not really looking forward to this anymore though! aaand we had an epic quiz in my chinese lit class and it was kinda ..crazy. it lasted 1.5 hours lol and i'm not really sure how i feel about it haha but i think the teacher is nice hopefully! anyway a lot of this struggling with school made me think back to last year and how much easier i found it... i guess school does get harder as you go up in levels! but i suddenly felt so unsure of myself and what i'm doing and what i should be doing and just overall really frustrated, feeling slightly abandonned by people and felt like no one could see i guess.. sounds so emo LOL but like i swear God has been trying to show me for yearssss that He is the greatest and most reliable friend that will ever exist. that no person could ever understand or be there for me as much as He can. but i temporarily forgot =( badddd salina! but after i just went home and did a devo and i felt GOOOD :D thank you God!

and i also went to a missions sharing night and that was really goood! really enjoyed it. i think it ties in well to how i was thinking about what i want to do in the future.. and i guess overall the whole sharing just spoke to me that God is still shaping me and that i was looking too much at where i wanna be, what i wanna do, forgetting to let God lead me.

SO i'm feeling much better now! i'm actually so bored right now i think i might do some work....

stressed... from one course only ...

ahh plan 210! i don't know what to do =( it is due super soon but i can't even help >< i wish there was more i could do but i can't really do anything now but wait =\ and i've talked to other groups and it seems like they are super stressed out as well.. hope everything turns out okay. good thing i'm not planning to specialize in urban design... haha but i guess it'd be better if i could help contribute with some tech skills or something. i just keep praying that it will be okay and to not worry too much >< we worked pretty hard on it and while i don't have too much work i know other people's courses have suffered because of this project =(

aaaaand i was talking to someone recently about how i don't want to work to be rich so i have a good life... and that i want to use my life to help people... because in ecology class the prof goes on rants a lot about how people have really terrible systems that are bad for the environment and can be bad for people and how planners don't understand what trees need -_- and i used to want to be a zoologist and do animal conservation LOL because i like pandas... >_> but now in retrospect i think i would never want to spend my life helping animals when humans are in greater need of help! i often feel like i'm being such a dreamer though... or is it society/the devil!! trying to convince me that having such dreams are SILLY and the world is one where you have to fend for yourself and it makes no sense that you aren't in university to help yourself in the future. but i really don't want to lose sight of wanting to spend my life, my potential future career just so i can be comfortable or rich :S i want to DO something that God will be well pleased of! i hope i don't lose sight of this :)

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p.s. i think i give up!