semi!

i am very excited that we got into semi-finals for junior softball :D but i know it's not because of our own skills that we have made it thus far, God has definitely been with us =D and it is only through God's will that we could make it to semi! anyways this softball season has been a lot of ups and downs for me... i looove to hang out with my team and i love softball! but it's disappointing to see how competition can change people. it's been rough on me =( but i try to remember that i'm leading FOR GOD above everything else. that the basis for all my actions is to serve and glorify Him and i hope i can set a good example like that for tomorrow...

and time for super vague slightly rant time...
i really hate the feeling of being replaced or like unimportant or not a part of something or not like..whats the word.... needed? esp since it's a team i suppose and it sucks knowing that it's like i can be thrown away so easily, like i won't be missed.. maybe those are things i just look for and expect too much. if she says she doensn't like to be compared why do you think i would like to be replaced... or easily swapped or something... is my presence really so disposable to them ..? i'm not trying to say i'm vital to the team or that i'm really good >_< i think that was my least vague post lol!

thinking, as always

3 random thoughts suddenly came to me today...

1) my China trip went ... pretty well despite me being stranded at airport and creepy bus dude. I think i went to China completely paranoid... after hearing everyone telling me to be careful about getting my stuff stolen so i basically hugged my purse everywhere i went. but actually i think i felt the hospitality of the Chinese people instead. although i was totally scared of a dude at the airport, he actually lent me his phone so that i could CALL the people who were supposed to pick me up. and although the security people looked mad sketchy, they let me charge my phone at the security "booth" and were very friendly people and they made me laugh a lot XD and then when i was walking around with my luggage to try to find a taxi to the airport, a lady tried to like sell me something i think but then i told her that i'm just going to the airport and she actually helped to direct me towards the main road. anyways i think you should still be careful of your stuff since i haave heard stories of things getting stolen but it's not like we should go everywhere being suspicious of people without seeing that they are actually loving as well :D

2) i am confused about bargaining... while i know a lot of people LOVE to bargain because it's like a game and you don't want to get ripped off but i also feel sort of bad... someone said to me that you take 10% of the price they say it is and start bargaining from there.. but i feel bad because i feel like they already don't earn that much and we're probably pretty well off to be able to travel to somewhere where we can even bargain.. and i feel like even though with a lower price they will still profit but it's not that much to begin? IDUNNO i think they shouldn't rip us off ridiculously but at the same time they probably don't earn THAT much?

3) summer is coming to an end! and i think i'm pretty excited about university.. living in a house with awesome people, taking courses that sound interesting haha, starting the school year FRESH! but summer has been good chilling with the people i hardly see during the school year!! i sort of can't imagine how to say goodbye.. for now

strange lesson

Today is my friend's birthday! We had softball practice like usual and normally we drive him home after maybe eating somewhere. However because today was his birthday, he wanted to go out with his friends and he often says how he doesn't wanna go home so early, so i think he's just in that phase where he's trying to grow up faster than time is allowing lol it sorta brings back similar feelings for myself =P so we dropped him off at an intersection although we tried to get him to just go with us so that we could drive him home because his mom had bought him a cake and wanted to surprise him! and i think she was very disappointed =( but we still went becuase it was someone else's bday tomorrow and we celebrated his birthday and ate half the cake LOL i think the mom tried to be happy but you could tell she was a upset or disappointed.. and then i thought about how that's probably what i make my mom feel all the time T_T it was a good reminder for me to treat my parents better, i was able to witness how us children can make parents feel but i don't get to witness enough how i make my own parents feel...

thank you God for really showing me today that i must treasure and love my parents!

last game!

so today was the last game of our regular season this year =) and although we lost i still had a lot of fun. i think it was cause i knew the umps, knew some ppl on the team, got to play a diff position, and knew a lot of other people that were also there. i guess it was one of those good social days haha and so even though we were losing everyone being there just made it fun! saw some people i haven't seen in awhileee and just seeing them made me happy =D and lotsa laughs and had a goood team dinner afterwards! aaaaaand i ended the game =( i hate when that happens cause i feel so bad but then i think about when other people end games and no one ever accuses them or anything lol but i just feel bad also cause i ended the inning by hitting jon >_< lol but he can tank it. sooo ended off the day by playing some BRAWL haha

but some goood fellowshipping today =D really felt the LOOOOVE

what would i do...

... if i didn't have God with me now. I really can't even begin to imagine how i would face all my trials without God by my side. and that's the situation now... housing is really frustrating T___T there's 10 days before september and we neeed to find somebody to fill in the 5th spot in our townhouse. the first payment is due september 1st or else it's considered late? we all feel at such a lost/in a panic to find one more person and it's completely destroying us! but what would i do without faith in God... to believe that this is the perfect plan and that no matter what we praise Him. I shared how in my first year, God taught me to have faith. and yesterday i read in a book: "Times like this are when we just have to bare our face to the tempest and go on without seeing clearly, without understanding, without anything but naked faith." that is what i feel like now... i don't know what will happen or why or really even what to do but keep searching for a person... but just to go on in faith >< and i really hope that i keep this faith up because i don't want to lose that! i don't want to fall into any temptation that says that God isn't with us or for us or helping us. Just gotta lift this up to God!

anyways minor update: was playing airhockey and left my finger hanging over the side and it got owned =(, went to playdium and almost played for free but instead got a 1 hour unlimited play card - still gotta praise Him for giving us a free busride and that card tho =), aand softball! always happy playing softball

frosh =)

today was finally frosh connexion! it's exciting to be able to serve the new frosh... the feelings seem so similar and not so long ago when i was just a shy person at fellowship and hardly knew anybody, just like many of the frosh were today during campus time... shy and hesitant sometimes. and it's amazing that we are now brothers and sisters to these frosh, just as the upper years were to us. i just felt sooo much LOVE today among everyone and it was great =D and the event ran pretty smoothly in general and we had an awesome awesome turnout and it really is SO GOOD. and i hope that we don't take any of the glory but through everything glorify God in this event. i'm so happy to see the next generation =D i hope they will be a strong group together! and while it certainly is different not being the FROSH group anymore and getting freebies from the upper years hehe it's time to step down humbly and lift up the next group as the BABIES =D

the campus group time went pretty well i think! we had way more frosh than expected and our room wasn't that big haha and i hope the frosh enjoyed itttt.. we had a lot of talking to begin with but we got had some laughs and good sharings and played charades after but it's a bit difficult with soo many people! and then there was my very terrible i-suck-at-public-speaking sharing infront of eeeverybody T_T i don't know what to think about it... i was indeed very nervous and prayed very hard beforehand about it =S and i still said bajiiiliions of "um"s and i feel like that probably made my sharing a lot worse and a lot harder to understand and maybe my point didnt' really get through and it makes me feel like i failed.. like i did a very poor job when God gave me an opportunity to share and i sucked =( i feel that i shouldn't be thinking of it like that... i hope God is pleased with meee, that i tried to share... but i can't help but feel like it was so fail! cause i always really want to sharee about many things and now i have the opportunity to share about my experiences infront of soo many frosh and really make an impact. but i guess that impact is not up to meee. may the Spirit work in the frosh, God-willing ofcourse!

anyway helping plan/run FX was a great experience! met many people and saw God working =)

pause!

what i did today was PAUSE the frosh connexion planning of finding people, emailing people, notifying people, preparing things and just seek God. i almost got too caught up in preparing for the event and forgot to seek God for help in preparations, to pray to Him about the event and just to ask the Spirit to speak and work through me. All to glorify His name. As i was in this quieting down time, i read 1 Peter 4: 10 - 11

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

This really reminded me to have a serving heart. that firstly, we serve God and in all things we seek to praise and glorify Him, and then secondly during frosh connexion we are there to serve the frosh! glad to be working with such a wonderful group of people who are so encouraging :D

waves of mercy, waves of grace...

... is my favourite line from one of the songs we are doing this year at vbc :) and i finally saw ts3 today :D and it was verrrry cute! aand the 2nd week of vbc has been going really well thus far but my mosquito bites are kiilling me! scratching much more and not just cause of eczema :P

anywaysss i guess i feel compelled to blog because i have a lot to think about... and here begins my vague blogging. i always thought i was doing "the right thing" and i really did try hard to do everything i could selflessly and whatever i thought was pleasing in God's eyes... but then i see other people doing it and it doesn't seem bad at all... i'm so confused about what is RIGHT anymore... and like people have talked to me about this before, in a loving way, but sometimes i feel lk i'm holding back a lot yet they are doing it themselves... and someone was like "i don't care what salina says" today... idunno if it was out of frustration from vbc or something.. but i thought that was kind of mean >_< it brings back memories of when people used to think it was okay to treat me like nobody becuase it was just a joke and they always told me to shut up...

today was also an interesting day... i got on the bus at finch station and i didn't know you had to get transfers in the station and that you can't ask for them on the bus... so then i was lk OH NOES and went to ask the bus driver for a transfer and he was kinda mean about it >_< and like "you are supposed to get them in the station unless you walked into the station without paying!" and i explained to him that i didn't know it worked that way but that i DID pay and he was like "well maybe you just walked straight into the station" and i felt so like... sad... T_T it felt like i was being accused of something that i didn't do wrong and i actually use adult tickets even though i could maybe get away with student ... but it was just such a misunderstanding cuase i didn't know so i was just like "okay.. well i didn't know, so it's okay nevermind.." and i felt lk crying T_T yes i'm soft! but in the end when i got off, i think he felt bad that he didn't give me a transfer so he gave me one... i wish there was someway i could tell him that i was very thankful and that i wasn't mad at him or anything for denying me a transfer before incase he thought that... lol

need more love!

well today was a goood start to the 2nd week of vbc and for the most part i already know the new kids joining the team so learning names is not a big deal, but i have a biig group of 16 kiddies! but anyway this day was pretty tiring since i did not get enough sleep yesterday night >_< and then it was rainy and i really did not want to play ultimate but then they said the game was a go anyway and despite wanting to go home and SLEEP, i figured i would enjoy it when i got there and i diiiid. it was nice running around. usually when i go play softball i don't do enough exercise so i feel i need to keep running around and expend all that energy but today it was GOOOD. i discovered how much i like running but only in the most carefree way haha but i was super pooped after that

anyways i think recently i've struggled a lot with seeing people going through something i went through in highschool... i think back now and it was sooo stupid and so wrong and so self-seeking... but thankfully i saw it as me just wanting to glorify myself and doing it for selfish reasons i tried very very hard to change my ways and it's been a really tough journey thus far.. and i guess when i see highschool people going through the same thing now, i get really upset because no one can see that it's wrong.. and many otehr complex issues play in haha but i think i should learn to first approach these people with love! and not assume or judge them but instead to help them in a loving way? >< haiii love love loooove

old faces

this weekend has been pretty fun thus far! i guess the worst of that storm is overrr. thank you God! i still got a looot of learning to do :D
but vbc has been really great! most of the volunteers are younger than me but i've been able to talk to many of them more and on friday, got to hang out with them before fellowship. fellowship was also very insightful i thought and i know before i always found it difficult to be interested in many things they talked about but i'm really enjoying Bible studies at josiah after i helped co-lead one. i guess realizing how they are prepared really gave me new insight to how i can get the most out of a Bible study =D yay! so i learnt a looot from that and got to know more people better :D
then saturday was an umping day and though i think i was a REALLY TERRIBLE UMP. sorry both teams for noob calls and not knowing rules well enough, i think it was a pretty good game! probably more fun because it was nice seeing many people today on sanctified, though i don't really talk to many of them much, it's nice seeing people again. also many waterloo "froshies" since we are not frosh anymore =( were present! so it was siiiick times :D
and went to eat pho after with teammates and we talked about the awards that each person would get. i don't really like mine but =\ oh wells hahah they are just for fun anyway! and went back to goldhawk and sanctified still there so talked a biiit/watched them ball and i played softball with jo! it was a veryyy good practice haha even though it was 2 people but i guess i got to work on stuff that i wanted to work on and i just had such an itch to play softball after watching people play!
so more games to ump tomorrow.. i think i suck but hopefully it will be aites!

rough morning

anyways so after a pretty rough night i wake up and get ready for vbc and i'm totally ready and going to make it on time for morning devos and then my dad drives me to the bus stop and just in time to make it to the bus! it says "not in service" but people get on anyway and sometimes the one that takes me to finch says that so i get on thinking i'm GOOD TO GO. and then the bus TURNS AND GOES TO THE GO TRAIN STATION.... aldjf this was most definitely frustrating after a bad night so i had to walk all the way back to bayview.

i know this really sounds like a bad start to a post and it sounds like i'm complaining and at the time i really just felt like crying because things seemed so difficult T_T but i'm glad God has shown me enough times not to despair and i'm happy that i never get to the point where i blame God for anything or question Him. i kept telling myself to trust in Him and even though i felt pain emotionally that He will pull me out from this one. i always thought that like to fully trust in God meant that you had to be happy and not sad at all. but i don't think that's really what it means anymore.. becuase i think many things will still make you sad but it's joy in the Lord that shall give us strength :D anddd guess what bus was waiting for me when i got to bayview? the bayview EXPRESS! so i got to finch faster than usual though definitely not able to make it in time for the devo =( and vbc actually took my mind off those things and i have an interesting bunch of kids and hopefully God will work in vbc! so i should def be asleep now -_-"

unrelated song :D

run

i really like to run away from my problems.. i really never like to think about things that make me upset because i wish they would just be okay! or that i had never thought of them at all. and i think that's stupid but i can't really help it >_<

i can't say i really know what God is trying to show me right now but it's always like that isn't it... i will really try to trust Him even though it's kind of tough right now. i guess today was just a bad day for that area in my life =S maybe this will be another one of those "why did you even worry!" kind of things. i wanna just curl up in my bed and talk to God forevar. but i have to wake up for vbc.. hope this doesn't detract from me serving to the best of my ability at vbc... well God's plan is perfectttt so this all happening today must be for something.. i need more faith!

softball devos

i really learn so much from my own devos I give after home games. i feel lk God has been proving and showing Himself in a way that very much relates to the devos i give. as well he's also teaching me so much and putting my through trials that challenge me to live out the things i try to show others in my devos. it's reallly amazing and i see God working in sooo many ways through so many people this summer and i'm so JOYOUS. i really am feeling so much joy =D

but i definitely do have many trials of my own still. i wish i could stop being so selfish and be mooore loving and esp encouraging the people around me to grow in their faith and to lead a God glorifying life. but all in God's will! i must definitely pray more. one really big thing the missionary book talks about is the importance of prayer. really humans do so little... most things are really done by God, we just don't know it! so PRAAAYYY sometimes there's really only so little we can do.