生日快樂/birthday blog!

well my birthday was yesterday, the 22nd :) and ... i wouldn't say it was amazing but it definitely wasn't bad. a bunch of people said happy birthday right at 12 haha and counting down and stuff and that was pretty cool. I think the main thing I got out from my birthday is that I should really just be thankful to be alive. This 17th birthday marks 17 years that God has kept me alive and everyday, minute, second etc just becomes so much more precious. This really reminds me of a song called "愛得太遲" or literally translated to "love too late" and it's a pretty sad song i would say about people being too busy with things and in the end, you get caught in the business that when you find yourself in a situation you realize you should've shown more love but now it's too late. :( but i guess that doesn't have too much to do with my birthday ahaha but at the end of my birthday, i just realized that i shouldn't be worrying about the things i will explain to you, but rather be appreciative of just being alive at all :)
well i guess my birthday was full of ups and downs. one minute i would be so happy because it seemed like people cared and were wishing me happy birthday and everything. and the next it was not so good... cause i felt like people were too busy to care about my birthday/i thought they were good enough friends to be like YAY salina hbd. i think the biggest thing was my girl friends that i hang out with most.. i guess i just expected them to be the most like "yay happy birthday :)" and perhaps i expected too much. but i feel like they didn't put much effort in it either though. a lot of them are too busy i think... i don't know >___< surprisingly though, the guys really surprised me. all of them that counted down/waited til 12 were guys and who was on til 12 forgot that past 12 it was my bday so didn't say anything lol but that's okay i do that too. it's just interesting how it was more guys... i think it's just cause i have lower expectations of the guys than the girls so it seems like the guys were doing mroe than girls. but i think it's also fair because the girls know me more/are closer so you would expect them to be like happy birthday! whereas the guys ... never expect them to do anything hahaha but it really opened my eyes i suppose... that they are def deeper than they can appear but maybe are too loser to show it :P and that's cool haha. another lesson learnt, i am definitely thankful for those guy friends even when i get totally bullied by them. so overall i will have to say it was a good birthday. I think just those little snipets of happiness when people did things for me sum up to something pretty good and i should really just be looking at those highlights. so thanks everyone for making my birthday amazing!

how it's going

Well i haven't posted in awhile but now it's the 2nd week of school since having winter break and school is still as tedious as it used to be (if not worse because i sleep later now)However I feel like i have a lot of good things lined up :)

- Culture Show Set Painting! this will leave me with many nights of having to stay late at school just painting and painting but that's not too bad :) it's quite fun really
- Gundams! haha still. I recently got a HG Blitz and I also bought some purple model paint with it so hopefully i can paint it nicely and it's my first time! :) so hopefully not tooo bad :P have to find some time to do it though
- Birthday is coming up :) hopefully it won't be bad like last year!
- Wanakita Leadership. i think it will be super fun :) *hopes*
- Frisbee season is starting up so i definitely definitely cannot wait
- Planning to take dance lessons this spring :)
- New Years Resolution was to learn guitar >< i'm kind of slacking on that because i find it REALLY hard >< we'll see how it goes.. this is the same as my gundam drawing...

i've also had some things running through my head and it's been pretty tough recently (as fun as it had been as well)
- how do people who i consider friends consider me as... in other words.. what am i to the people i call friends. I think to a lot of them, they would definitely not consider me as much of a friend as i do towards them. 我是我朋友的誰。。。
- i never thought that this would be happening to me ever cause i thought i was so sure but i feel like i am having a little identity problem :\ it's hard to always remember to be a person of God when there's all this strange pressure from friends about what is cool and what is not ... but hopefully i'll be strong enough to make it through this :) i def know i have God on my side ^^

this might be a long one

it's 1:36 AM and i know i should sleep but i've been thinking and thinking. well not that much. it just so happened that i was talking to a friend. and i mean like tight friend not just any friend. and we were talking about music and what not and she was showing me stuff and it was all this like music that kind of gets you into sad, slightly depressed, thinking deeply mode if anyone gets what i am talking about O_o anyways i guess this all started when i was talking to said friend about music and i think i realize i am lk the noob among my friends. the one who tries to keep up with all that asian stuff they are into but everyone is more updated than me. i guess not that i really MIND this "setback" but when it's apparent in the way that they express that they feel they are cooler or proer than me in these terms is a little depressing. i guess it's like how friend said "yah i listen to all the music that no one knows" and it's clear that there is that cool factor that is generally expressed when you say that. idunno i'm sure i do it too but i feel like my friend is clearly bragging about how cool she is. >< and i cannot find this cool music anywhere! and this totally messes up my view on who i am and identity and all that. Like... should i become like them or "be true" and just be who i am. clearly being who i am is the typical and probably better answer, but it just looks a bit as if who i am is not "cool" or whatever i don't even know. i've always told myself being cool is not important but clearly it is to some extent. i know my friends are good friends and all but this also led me to think about how i never talk about serious things anymore. and that is clearly related to the fact that i don't have anyone to talk to stuff like that about. Whenever i go over to my friend's houses they quickly go to the computer and start watching youtube. not saying it's not fun or anything but too much youtube... if that is all we do then is our friendship not only bound because we have common interests in these worldly random things and not so much because we are there as friendship support. Because i cannot share with any of them my personal thoughts and to be honest that is a little saddenning. When you know you have to resort to blogging about your problems, that's when it clearly hits you. that you have no friends. but not really haha just... not friends you can share much with. i think it's cause i'm scared to tell them what really goes on in my head cause i'm scared of what they will think. and that is a clear indicator that your friends are not super close >< i don't know. i'm a little sidetracked now cause i just learnt some like crazy news and i'm a little shocked so i think this post is long enough.

gundam love! <3

SO recently I've been completely hooked onto anything gundam related :) I recently bought Gundam Wing just so I could rewatch it. Still dont' like Relena very much and Quatre is such a nice boy! :) Cannot believe they are 14.... or somewhere around that age. I also started drawing gundams... I really only have two pictures right now. One in progress...
Justice is my first one in black and white (the scan made a weird shadow thing appear over the shield):

The one in progress is Exia and I'm trying colour this time except I absolutely suck at colouring... >_< haha yes so this is how I am spending my break. Reminder to self: do Prelab.... :(

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME 2008! and 新年快樂！

happy new years everyone :) i cannot believe 2007 has come to an end... it's been quite an eventful year full of... moments, both good and bad. but with that a lot of experience and i can say i have learnt so much. so despite the hard times i definitely do not regret this year at all :) God has blessed me so much with this experience that is 2007 and i an soo grateful. i hope i go into 2008 with a more optimistic outlook than i did with 2007 !
i always love counting down too, even though it really feels no different other than a change in number and a kind of mental feeling that this is a new year. this year i went to lily's :) it was a rather good partay and her parents were super cool and soo much food! haha i still prefer the outdoors and was super tempted to go just walk around downtown (free transit!) but i am not "wild" enough lol. overall good stuff. no new years resolutions yet O_o haha but break is almost over and um need to start working >< sighz. kay well God bless the new year! :) 2008 sounds like a good number. i believe it will be a good year!