sensitivity

i forgot how much of a sensitive person i am... and how i really wish i wasn't...

这的世界有没有真爱？/ Is there real love on earth?

I am blogging this after my first day of teens conference and what a rollercoaster it has been. some people are sleeping over and from what i know they are more or less sleeping. For the most part tc was great, i had an amazing group, full of great people and amazing energy. so praise God for real. The most interesting part happened at the end of the night... they always have a message at the end and although i was so tired i admit i fell asleep... the pastor invited some people who wanted to rededicate or were new to christianity to come up to the stage and we could all just pray together. and i saw terry, my little buddy terry, go up so i wanted to support him as well... but little did i know i was full of emotion as well. i found myself up there with a bunch of other people just crying so full of emotion, with grace flowing through us all. God is amazing. He is so amazing that it is indescribable... and i just pray so hard this is not another spiritual high. I never realized that i had so much pain inside. I forgot who said it but behind all the smiles of every person there is probably so much pain. but if anything i got from the message is that pain is the best alert to the body or to the mind that something is wrong.. and my goodness where do i even begin. however taht is not for now. more importantly was what happened during/after

so i'm at tc with my school friends. and two of my bestest friends were there as well. today was a very disappointing day :( i can't believe neither of them came up to me and asked if i wanted them to pray for me and stuff... and if that's asking for too much. i figure me just spilling out tears is enough for either one of them to come over and see if i'm okay. they are 2/3 friends sleeping over right now but even after returning home... they have not spoken a word to me and now i'm just really upset and mad. i am so so disappointed >__< if even the two people i considered like my best friends could not even come up to me and ask if i wanted to talk about it.. should i really still consider them as close as i had thought. Another sad thing is they just continued to make jokes at me... which i must say really did not help at all... Thankfully someone else from my school came to pray with me and i really thank God for him and that guy really saved me there. i was so scared that i was alone on this world. but thank goodness for God and His love that really calls others to reach out to someone like me who he doesn't really know but cared enough to come talk to me.

anyways although a little... sad and upset. i just want to praise God. Thank God for everything. i'm so thankful that no matter what... no matter how much the people of this world forget me, no matter how lost i am, no matter where i am or who i am with, He is always always forever and ever there, loving me until the end. and there are no words that can express that. His love is just so perfect, so flawless and so real, that compared to the people of this earth, ... well human love will just never compare. Father God, give me courage to face the trials of this world... Thank you God.

motivation proclamation~

MOTIVATION. i finally have it! except it's motivation not so much for school work but to dance haha. a bunch of kids at school, I included, have really gotten into hiphop/breakdancing. and i guess that sounds kind of stupid coming from me but i think it's so cool ^^ all i want to do are handstands and glides.. it's all i want to practice at home! watching youtube videos and practicing on gym mats at school haha it's so fun. It probably started when we watched America's Best Dance Crew ahaha jabbawokkies and kaba modern! i'm getting there! i can do a kickup on my bed and almost getting the handstand :) practice, practice, practice!

hehe i also went to my first raptors game! it was pretty darn good :) the raptors... did not win. but it DID go into OT and i dooo get free pizza :) it's also amazing because it's march break! so hopefully i'll have a good time :) on thursday i stayed up til 3:45 studying for bio on friday... the day right before march break and i think i'm still feeling the lag effects because i woke up at like 2:45 pm today haha but hopefully these fun times means an amazing march break!