let not the things of this world ever sway me

so many things have happened this weekend it's really been very busy and perhaps an emotional rollercoaster?
friday was ccf sharing night! and i heard some really awesome sharings. it was so genuine hearing people talk about their experiences or just being grateful for the past term for so many things. thanking God for everything =). something that really hit me was how derek said that it's harder to do the right thing even though many people see the right thing as the "chicken" or "easy" way out. it's sooo true >_< so many external pressures though i feel like i've really learnt to deal with those so much better now. like going to aaron's party afterwards was like NO ALCOHOL I DUN WANNA GET TRASHED PLZ i don't care how lame you say i am -__-" i guess it's good that jeff was there not drinking but i don't even feel ashamed that i'm not drinking =)
the other thing that kind of hit me was how someone said "you can be in the fellowship but not be IN the fellowship". i think this always really gets to me since i was reflecting so much on my ability to open up to people. i always thought that i was really open since if anyone asks i will tell them whats going on with my life but i realize i only tell the really shallow story (even though i pretty much tell the general story just not very deeply?).. and then i go on and reassure people that i'm okay and stuff. but sometimes i think i'm really not okay and i want to share and as jenny said about how we can share our burdens with each other but i think i have a problem with opening up or something. i feel like it's good that when i have issues i give them to God to handle first of all and just trust and have faith that He will guide me through it and bring me through it so i think that's where i get the "reassuring others i'm okay" part from but i still feel burden i guess.. but that feels wrong..? why do i still feel burdened if i've given the situation to God. is it because i'm supposed to share with my brothers and sisters or is it because i haven't fully given it up.. or is it both.. that i have given it up but knowing that there are people to share with vs no one to share with causes a burden. does that make any sense ? >< well it makes sense in my head. i realize this blog is really just to help me sort myself out.. and also unburden myself a bit by just getting it out. T____T i guess this goes back to not being IN the fellowship. is it my inability to share that makes me feel distanced from others? am i not seeking community enough and that is why i am not really in it? i half feel that it should also not be forcing myself upon community to make it work and that it should feel more natural. i guess like everyone always meets up with one another outside frosh cell and ccf and church time and i'm sooo not "with" that because i rarely plan to eat with or see people outside those times. so am i to puruse this more?
kay this has already been a fairly long post/rant. my blog is so uninspiring -__- but at least i'm fairly honest on it? >< it is kind of sad that i am more open to a blog than people... anyways saturday was fun times :) parents caaame and brought me some stuff, talked about asia trip! then went to end-of-term dinner with da bboys at wild wing. SO GOOOOD yums. haven't seen them in awhile! went back to arthur's place (aka home of shimmycocopuffs! lol he made some really good tasting noodles) and we played puerto rico! and i won ^^ hehe dind't play too aggressively so maybe i snuck up on them.. went home tried to do work.. then park seemed bored so we watched secret. i still like the movie though i'm still slightly confused. THENNN sunday was church =D yay i made it even though slept late and then grad dinner afterwards =D the frosh video was really gooood. the 3rd years had a REALLY GOOD SOUNDING SONG... yarr that wasfun to dress up and stuff =) i didn't really knooow the grads too well but it was sad because i remember the feelings of leaving summer for uni .. such sad times lol kay so late for class >_< had to blog!

paaanda bears

i loooove panda bears though i hear they can actually be very violent.. on another note it's ironic how i was just thinking about the time when i didn't have so many things on my mind and then suddenly baaam all these things are put on my plate. i'm waiting to see where God is bringing me this time.

summer, work, froshcell, housing, eeeverything. i'm not even sure WHAT to prioritize my time to in terms of dealing with these things. they're all so important.. Give me strength!

burst of style and creativity

i don't really know what to entitle this blog other than... what i have it titled as =D this past saturday, uwbreakers held a jam/competition and there were soo many breakers who came, much more bboys than bgirls but the bgirls were suuuper inspiring too to see that they were so dedicated to the dance to do so well. one girl made it into the finals for the footwork battle!
it was amazing really to see the showcase of all the skill and just.. expression of dance through the music and the beats and it's kinda crazy to just see all this TALENT infront of my eyes and it's not just talent either it's also creativity, music and just dancing to the music.. and i know there's still so much more in that jam that i didn't know how to appreciate because i don't understand the full extent of the dance but it was so ...siiiiick haha
also apparently tons of the bboys are pretty big in canada and according to my friend jeff, two of the bboys from team china (who won the 3v3 main event) are bridge and puzzles, two of canada's biggest bboys who compete internationally as well =D it's kinda cool to be able to see them LIVE. and the bestest bestest part is that bgirl red was there competing =D when i started out i watched a lot of her vids and i guess that was what inspired me to learn and she's been my fav ever since! i was acting like a giggy little fangirl >_< but i talked to her a bit =) and took a pic with her! so happyyyy haha

poverty

so it's really late and i'm supposed to be doing my essay that is due tomorrow right now but i'm reading an article about China and its food supply. This article is kind of old (1995) but the numbers still make me kind of sad. In Shanghai, the population is rich and populous, people buy 60kg of meat, eggs, and fish annually. The national average is 40 kg and in the poorer provinces in China, only 20 kg. More statistics say that in 1994 12 million people live in desperate poverty, spending two-thirds of their income on food, but they were still malnourish. 12 million... that's 4 times the population of Canada? and that's "desperate" poverty.. what about those that are just living on borderline poverty... idunno how far off these statistics ARE but i don't doubt that the number of people living in poverty is very high. and it reaallly really rreallly breaks my heart... i should be so much more thankful that i can go to a cafeteria and buy food whenever i want. that i have more than enough money on my watcard. i don't wnat to be biased because i know a lot of people are living in poverty out there but i guess because these numbers are so staggering and i'm reading about it so much for this essay :S it's just heart breaking and because i want to work in China this is closer to my heart than many other things.
i don't want to become dissensitized to these things and overlook them and read about it and forget about it because we always hear about it... gotta remember to pray for these thins as well. well back to my essay..

pleasures are meaningless

ecclesiastes 2:1-11
"I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives." v.3
"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun." v.10-11

i find that when i blog about my devos, it helps me sort out the things going through my head :) i think this passage really struck me because as in v.3, i find i always hear about people trying to make their lives worthwhile, or living life to the maximum because life is only so short, having to do something "crazy" or "exciting" just to bring meaning into life.... and it really kind of struck me to find this sentence in the Bible about something that is soo..apparent today. i guess it really is all about ourselves, about the individual, about satisfying our own hearts. I think this is obvious in verse 12 when Solomon says "when I surveyed all that my hands had done", "what I had toiled to achieve".
in my devo book, it had this line: "Solomon was successful by every worldly standard, yet complete satisfaction escaped him". i think i struggle a lot with this "worldly standard" and at times it's different to discern where that standard is too much because we grow up and sometimes it becomes our standard. i also struggle with it a lot because you see how people are trying to achieve or follow these worldy standards? beauty, drinking, success, wealth, pride/boasting... and i'm completely a sucker to these things as well... but i guess everything is always about bringing it back to Jesus and living for "an audience of One" (i have no idea where that is from).
i think this verse is encouraging.. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) Jesus has overcome the world ^^