whoops..

welll i guess i was hoping he was different from his buddies but i feel stupid for even considering that? and how i was totally tricked and then on top of that, my emotions got the best of me, once again. and then i was totally blind to it but i should've known! major failz! i feel stupid for having fallen for anythinggg

lalala!

在我脑海里　你的身影　挥散不去
只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠的太近
爱你也需要很大的勇气
爱上你是我情非得已

in my mind your image is hard to forget
i'm scared that i will fall for you
i can't let myself get too close
loving you also requires lots of courage
i just can't help falling for you

expressive

i think i'm a person that really likes to express my feelings and tell people, whether it's sad, happy, frustrated, worried, etc. I think it's because I'm so sensitive about stuff that no matter what the thing is, i become easily affected. and i think recently i've just had a flood of many different emotions. I guess i really like to tell people when I'm happy too because, i'm just so happy about something! i don't know how else to explain it? but often for others, they can't find happiness in those same things and then it becomes big miscommunication!

最近我告訴我朋友我很開心因爲我跟十一年級的男子很好笑。 我每一次看到他們我很高興因爲常常他們讓我可以笑也他們會抱我， 覺得很有友誼的感覺。 我說我很怕我的physics考試他們說“不怕！加油！”哈哈如果它不那麽說他會講幾句笑話。我不可以記得全部不過他們讓我感覺到真的幸福。 可能是因爲在hallway裏他會打我說：喂！你怎麽樣嗎？所以我見到他們我就會開心不過我想告訴我別的朋友因爲我是這麽幸福不過在我別的朋友的方面， 我只是想自誇我自己有很多朋友。 不過真的不是！只是因爲我很開心想告訴別的人聼。 我不知道那麽做會讓到他生氣然後也說很不好的話。 讓我傷心。 讓人人多不開心。 我們兩個多生氣。 不知道怎麽想。 不過我真的高興因爲我覺得我和石一年級的朋友， 講多一點話認識他們多一點！

to improve my chinese skills i'm trying to like translate songs for practice! translation very baad >__>

那裏有彩虹告訴我
能不能把願望還給我
為甚麼天這麼安靜
所有的雲都跑到我這裏

where is there a rainbow that can tell me
if i am able to have my wish ?
why is the sky so silent
for all the clouds have run to me

有沒有口罩一個給我
釋懷說太了多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥
也是我現在正服下的毒藥

is there a mask for me?
if i explain my thoughts too much, they will become false
it could be that time is a type of cure
or actually a poison i'm drinking

看不見你的笑 我怎麼睡的著
你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽還是會繞
沒有理由 我也能自己找

if i don't see your smile, how will i sleep
your shadow is so close but i cannot reach it
without the world, the sun will still revolve
without a reason, i can still go on

你要離開 我知道很簡單
你說依賴 是我們的阻礙
就算放開 但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白

i know it's very easy for you to leave
you said dependance is our biggest hindrance
even if we seperate can i still keep the love
regard it as me finally understanding in the end

happiez

"i think i got better
since korea
just....my overrall
you were my inspiration"

says ryannnn oppa
can't really copy and paste more than that but this makes me so happy to know my existence has made a positive impact in someone's life in any way. he says it's because i'm "a happy camper, and always optimistic,and.....just a pleasure to be around" I don't mean to sound very proud or boastful or anything by blogging about it but I'm just really happy to hear it, especially from ryan who i thought didn't "acknowledge" me that much since our meetings really are very rare. i guess even though i don't feel like i'm like what he describes all the time, i'm glad for some people that's the impression i give off =)

surprise surprise

so today i feel lk i've confirmed something and i'm very... "shocked" in a sense to discover myself in this kind of situation again. unfortunately not in the best position i would want to be in right now but things are just making me both happy and worried and hopefully i take the best possible path, and not let my emotions get the best of me!

goal: gain self confidence

how? i have no idea. i've been trying to think POSITIVE (yay!) and to take things more easily and it was going well but i think at the same time that kind of makes me hold things in then forget about them and then realize they're still sort of there and then there's that just "breaking down" time and i think that's what this week is.

so at street practice, we were doing some breaking stuff and then my friend is just like "juat be confident and you'll do well. stop saying you can't do stuff!" =( it's not the first time people have said it... but i wish i really could be confident and perfectly fine with myself and never comparing myself to others but i can'tttt =( and then when i talk about it maybe people don't take it seriously and they kind of just laugh and don't mention it but idunno i guess for me it's serious and for others .. maybe the don't even see it? it's not that i think i'm "worthless" i'm definitely wondering what my skills are though. i have no "forte".. i don't know what to do =(

i guess on a completely different note... david wang showed me a cute, nice song!
我到了这个时候还是一样
夜里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤
我不敢想的太多
因为我一个人

迎面而来的月光拉长身影
漫无目的地走在冷冷的街
我没有你的消息
因为我在想你

爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

Up 'til now i haven't changed
In the lonliness of the night it's easy to be sad
I don't dare to think too much of it
Because I'm alone

facing the moonlight, it strethes the shadows
walking on an endless and cold street
i don't have news of you, because i'm thinking of you now

love me, don't leave
if you say you don't love me
i don't want to hear the truth come out
give me some of your gentleness again

hooray my loosely (badly) translated lyrics are so odd sounding. but it's nice in mando!

poooooo

stuff is really bugging meeee and i am a complete loss as to what to do about it and it's really not even that big of a deal! just that it's kind of random, weird, and questionable stuffs but i'm still very bothered! ..must study english =(

school school school

i'm surprising myself by doing actually.. considerably well in school! on my standards.. probably not by super asian keening standards.. but at least i'm not sad over marks and that stuff =D but the downside is i'm feeling the slacking off starting up again. maybe because now i feel i can put less effort and still do well.. OR i'm just lazy. >__< so anytime now i'm feeling like i will completely flunk at least one of the 3 tests coming up! hooray!

but i think i'm also very proud of myself. i haven't let things affect me too extremely as they used to and i'm really learning how to take things easy although still a little worried about university. trust trust trust!

also bugging me are those s5s O_o sometimes it's nice because it feels lk the beginning of a nice friendship! then you realize it's not really because they just want to say hi in the hallways, then sometimes it seems like it. i'm not sure how to take it =S well at least i actually talk to dwang and stuff. and it's kind of nice to have people care/say hi when you pass by but it's all really shallow. not sure how to take it i suppose