so faaar away

i feel like i want to cry. but i can't because tracy is sleeping...but everything is so bleh. i know i don't talk to people very often about crap going on but i guess i've been suppressing a lot without really realizing it and it's just coming out nows...i feel lk sometimes i'm just a pitstop in someone's life. like just one part out of their many other people and i hardly feel grounded in anyone's life. i think it's also a struggle that i have all these emotions but i can't put anything into words. it's also that struggle where i feel like i want to be important to people or in their lives but i'm not.

i guess sometimes i feel alone, surprisingly... and to feel this way means that somewhere along the road i lost sight of God, my ultimate frienddd! i really tried to keep doing devos in uni but i guess i'm just not at res a lot so i never sit down and read or pray. the only time i do pray is mostly giving thanks for meals and the occasional prayer that comes up. hopefully this will serve as a wake-up call.. as i learnt from sunday school... if everything i do is not to honour God it's a sin, therefore do everything in a way that i will honour God..

i often wonder if my unhappiness is ever due to just the kind of person i am. often bullied? fearful of what others think? unconfident? idunno really sometimes i feel kind of sad that im the way i am. unsatisfied? i dont know..i just feel messy i suppose. even now i don't really know what i'm saying or talking about. somehow the fact that i'm sad translated into this mess of a blog..