some late thinking

well it's 12:30 and i've totally broken the sleep before 12:15 rule of the day... but a lot of stuff has been on my mind recently now that school has started again. Once again I start the year off with a really "study hard, play later" attitude but once applications come up again i get all depressed and disappointed because the desired positions, once again, go to the people that have all the other good positions >__< I don't know what to put on my resume or put down as extracurriculars =( maybe i just take it far and get really paranoid but then i worry about university because I'm really scared I won't get in... Firstly cause i'm going into languages and i don't have like any background and then also because my other marks are not that great and just the things i've done aren't amazing... so i don't have a back-up... i just need to vent and to worry and to get some air and just think. I'm so afraid cause i don't know waht to expect at all. I keep thinking that i'll take things as they come, cause what is the point of worrying when i am not even sure that things will turn out bad... but it's just hard to keep telling yourself that... but i know God provides... when i was at a total loss of what i was going to do with my future, i feel He's shown me the path to languages... for now at least. I will take the Cooch weekend (camp thing) opportunity to get some air and it'll be nice at night to just think about stuff and Stan told me at Cooch he went to this lake place where he just screamed and yelled stuff out so haha maybe that will be fun. I'd say the only good thing i can think of now is that my hair is long ^___^