CRAM

fearing for the next two days. need to remember to be focused and motivated to be a good student for God! finish essay tonight and study all of tomorrow? gogogogo!

sting

i am reminded that we are all imperfect people. we let others down and get let down as well. and i guess it sucks. but there's joy in knowing that there is a perfect friend in Jesus.

neutralized

today i feel especially dead. perhaps it's been a long day but it feels like nothing is particularly striking me today. i feel lk i've lost extreme emotions today and i'm very..neutralized? maybe it's this essay that is forever reminding me how screwed i am but yet i still don't want to do it. but tomorrow i'm going to try to "kill" the research as my friend said. and by sunday i should pretty much be done writing it hopefully. leaving time to study for the midterm that is on the same day!
after that i should be okay...

but it's in these times that i should especially see the glory of God in eveything. even though this essay might by bogging me down (is that the right phrase?) God's amazing presence and love shall get me through! every day is a blessing

i'm starting what a fellow froshie suggested: 365 days of praise, writing down a praise everyday. there are really a limitless amount of things to be thankful for everyday but i think it'll be rewarding and amazing looking back on all the things that God has provided. and then knowing that's only a tiiiiniest fractiion of eeeverything he gives, i don't know if i can begin to comprehend! BUT PRAISE THE LORD! ye~

anyways it's been fairly decent recently. i am losing the keener inside me a bit but i think it's only because of this essay which i'm reluctant to work on. but i have no complaints i think today is just one of the "not as good days" but that's because my other days tend to be pretty good ^^ anywho i'm here alone at slc meaning to start work so i shall stop the blogging now ahah

shengri kuaile

birthday! :) well so far i guess it's been a mix of emotions but i've been praying about everything recently and i realize that i'm not being grateful enough for what i have and i'm not being as loving as i could be and letting many things get in the way of my path in following Jesus! so i'm going to try to really let annoying things go and be more thankful for the 19 years God has blessed me with thus far :D i also found a happy birthday song on my bday! haha hooray. anyways update later i should be working, on my birthday hehe cause i'm a huge keener now!

chingu

friends. this is one of those late-night-thinking-about-meaningful-stuff blogs... and tonight i'd have to say the topic is friends. i guess this comes up every so often because for awhile i feel content and i feel happy but then sometimes i'm asked to question these people i call friends, and question the relationship that exists. it's really.. amazing how that relationship can change over time, both negatively and positively.
the positives ones always make me very happy. it's nice to feel that i have people that want to invest time into the friendship and want to hang out with me or catch up or see me and stuff like that. and even if you haven't heard from them in awhile, the ability to be close and good friends despite that distance is very encouraging.
on the other hand, sometimes you realize friendships are quite shallow, and that the other person can almost see you as dispensible in a sense. a lot of the time it's clear when the person doens't really care all that much if your conversation dies or not, etc. idunno i guess it's a little depressing becuase i realize a lot of my friendships would fall into this category. that some people that i call friends really aren't that concerned about me at all. or might not go very far to wonder about me, see if i'm doing alright and stuff.
well we'll see how this week goes. i think i've decided i'm going to live with portia so i'm excited for that. i guess i gotta start looking at houses =( so sooon.

update?

i haven't blogged in awhile even though when special things happen i feel like i want to go write a long blog about it but in the end i never do...
anyways the new term is kind of dry. my courses aren't all that exciting but i'm happy i have a stats course. at least it has some math? i'm also taking easia related electives. and it's sad but i'm enjoying those so much more than i'm enjoying my mandatory planning courses. and i'm still lacking any motivation to write/start those essays... good thing i have some assignments this term to make me slightly less bored and actually feel like i'm working. and since i'm not working on the essays and i'm done the assignments, it makes for a very boring time on days when i have nothing to do.. like today. O_o motivation?
speaking of motivation i was totally motivated to re-jumpstart my Bible reading and i did it for one day and failed to do it again >__< it doens't help that my roommate sleeps early so the lights are all off and then all i want to do is sleep/not bother her T_T but i find that i go to church and i go to ccf and at those moments i feel so happy and lk motivated to be surrounded by people who also love God but then when i leave i have lingering thoughts about it and then i don't do devos... and it slightly dies. i'm hoping this term frosh cell, the other froshies, and whoever else can inspire me but ultimately i think it's still up to me to be more concious and "take my faith into my own hands".
on a random side note i hope to learn to skate this term. gotta make use of the free recreational skating at CIF!

math domination

i feel like whenever i am in a group of people where there are 2 or more people that are in some sort of math/finance related program (and thus sharing the same courses) and i'm the only non-math faculty person there.. the conversation will be very one-sided. no matter how the conversations usually start (though it usually tends to be about math...) it will ultimately end up in some topic about the most recent math assignments and math related problems. and i'm just sitting there like .. i see. T_T i'll just not talk because i cannot relate.. poor little environment faculty! haha