nobody but you

lala that is a very catchy song... [nobody by wonder girls] anywho interesting day today. there was some intense poster drawing period for club-o-rama afterschool. and that was also hectic... but anyways during club-o-rama i was actually dragged into the a "dance circle" by khalid because i had a chain with him about *break dancing*... i know it seems like such a ridiculous dream/goal and based on my previous experiences and how i give up and stuff... it seems totally unaccomplishable >__< but i really want to be able to prove all those ppl wrong. but it's so hard =( well the beijing welcome you song says... 讓我們都加油去超越自己... aka add oil to do the best you can! i don't know what will be the outcome of this... i guess i can tell people to poke at me to go actually practice but this is physically requiring of skills that i do not have lol oh well ADD OILS ^^ don't give up yettt

random... but i like this:
Every minute you are angry,
you lose sixty seconds of happiness!

not sure what this blog will be about, but feeling a need to blog

well as the title says.. i feel like i would like to get stuff out but i'm not really sure what =S today i went to wonderland and then i saw spongebob and patrick and joined a line of little kids to meet them.. and then asked the person if i could take a picture with them both >__< but TOTALLY WORTH IT! anyways things have been alright but school work is starting to stack up and all and i would like to get a good average for uni and stuff... but i keep thinking back to summer and how weekends i would go out and eat with friends, watch movies/dramas, ...shopping in hk lol i keep thinking about the past and reflecting on all that stuff... sometimes it's wishing i could go back in time, sometimes just reflecting on how far i've come since.. whenever... but when i look to the future i just get scared. I see lots of school work being due, i see university applications and i see a lot of unknowns. And then i look to the present and realize i am totally slacking off by blogging! I feel like such a lost case... dunno if that's the right word.. like very "無用" (canto pingyum: mo yong) i am really not smart... my marks only reflect the fact that i understood it for the time i needed to, did well on the few tests and completely threw all that information away. Why can't i truly dedicate myself to stuff... i like to say nowadays that i'm really hardworking... yes, much better than before.. but what am i working for?! only to get good marks to please people to get into university... it all seems so fruitless ? is that the right word... i don't know how to explain this at all and maybe this is just one of those times my mind is all jumbled up and i'm just panicking and worrying again. Sometimes i feel so satisfied and content, feeling that i have everything, and in these little alone times i realize i don't have much (not in the material sense). I remember telling myself recently when i was feeling happy that happiness doesn't always last and i should be prepared for something to come bum me down as usual. just feeling crappy now =( but i shall nevaaaar forget no matter how little i have, i will forever have God, and that shall bring me enough joy ^^

lesson worth learning..

Earthly things don't satisfy;
contentment comes from the Lord's Supply

unfortunately this took so long for me to fully realize, to accept, and to live by but hopefully i've learnt for real now =)

COOCH

i hope cooch is fun >__> i want to have good and nostalgic memories =D because it is my grade 12 year... hope it doesn't rain! i know a lot of people are back from university and too bad i'm missing church and won't get to see some of them =( next time! [gone for the weekend]

some late thinking

well it's 12:30 and i've totally broken the sleep before 12:15 rule of the day... but a lot of stuff has been on my mind recently now that school has started again. Once again I start the year off with a really "study hard, play later" attitude but once applications come up again i get all depressed and disappointed because the desired positions, once again, go to the people that have all the other good positions >__< I don't know what to put on my resume or put down as extracurriculars =( maybe i just take it far and get really paranoid but then i worry about university because I'm really scared I won't get in... Firstly cause i'm going into languages and i don't have like any background and then also because my other marks are not that great and just the things i've done aren't amazing... so i don't have a back-up... i just need to vent and to worry and to get some air and just think. I'm so afraid cause i don't know waht to expect at all. I keep thinking that i'll take things as they come, cause what is the point of worrying when i am not even sure that things will turn out bad... but it's just hard to keep telling yourself that... but i know God provides... when i was at a total loss of what i was going to do with my future, i feel He's shown me the path to languages... for now at least. I will take the Cooch weekend (camp thing) opportunity to get some air and it'll be nice at night to just think about stuff and Stan told me at Cooch he went to this lake place where he just screamed and yelled stuff out so haha maybe that will be fun. I'd say the only good thing i can think of now is that my hair is long ^___^

dumdumdummm

so i went to felly today and i had a lot of fun welcoming and meeting the new grade 9s that are now in malachi =D but there's such a strange ..feeling? of being the oldest now. it's kind of like being in the oldest grade at UTS. now i feel so much more responsible that these guys have a good time in Malachi and I really hope they do because i loved being a part of it =D and it's cool cause i got to share what Malachi was for me =) and i was quite honoured that Sharon asked me ^^ I just feels so strange and motherly but not a bad strange. the good kind that i'm just not used to something yet. And it feels good like, asking someone younger than you how they are and stuff and just starting the conversation because maybe it's something i never had with my own younger brother. And today in my small group prayer time, I asked the grade 9 to pray for us and i was so ..happy? with how he was so willing. Like usually when you ask someone to pray they are often like "uhhhh why me...do i have to?" but i really think it's such a privilege. maybe i'm just the praying kind of person too but i was so happy to hear him want to pray. and although he couldn't really get the right words out and it was really short, and although afterwards he was like "aww i'm not really good at this >__< *a little embarassed*" i'm excited to see him grow in Christ ^^ i'm also a little sad it's my last year in Malachi but i hope i make it a good year =) for myself and my fellow felly members ^^

SCHOOL

oh my goodness my schedule is terrible =( i need to have more last period spares so i can go homeee (and work) *cries* but i don't think i can change that much... *cries* that is all =(