so many things have happened this weekend it's really been very busy and perhaps an emotional rollercoaster?
friday was ccf sharing night! and i heard some really awesome sharings. it was so genuine hearing people talk about their experiences or just being grateful for the past term for so many things. thanking God for everything =). something that really hit me was how derek said that it's harder to do the right thing even though many people see the right thing as the "chicken" or "easy" way out. it's sooo true >_< so many external pressures though i feel like i've really learnt to deal with those so much better now. like going to aaron's party afterwards was like NO ALCOHOL I DUN WANNA GET TRASHED PLZ i don't care how lame you say i am -__-" i guess it's good that jeff was there not drinking but i don't even feel ashamed that i'm not drinking =)
the other thing that kind of hit me was how someone said "you can be in the fellowship but not be IN the fellowship". i think this always really gets to me since i was reflecting so much on my ability to open up to people. i always thought that i was really open since if anyone asks i will tell them whats going on with my life but i realize i only tell the really shallow story (even though i pretty much tell the general story just not very deeply?).. and then i go on and reassure people that i'm okay and stuff. but sometimes i think i'm really not okay and i want to share and as jenny said about how we can share our burdens with each other but i think i have a problem with opening up or something. i feel like it's good that when i have issues i give them to God to handle first of all and just trust and have faith that He will guide me through it and bring me through it so i think that's where i get the "reassuring others i'm okay" part from but i still feel burden i guess.. but that feels wrong..? why do i still feel burdened if i've given the situation to God. is it because i'm supposed to share with my brothers and sisters or is it because i haven't fully given it up.. or is it both.. that i have given it up but knowing that there are people to share with vs no one to share with causes a burden. does that make any sense ? >< well it makes sense in my head. i realize this blog is really just to help me sort myself out.. and also unburden myself a bit by just getting it out. T____T i guess this goes back to not being IN the fellowship. is it my inability to share that makes me feel distanced from others? am i not seeking community enough and that is why i am not really in it? i half feel that it should also not be forcing myself upon community to make it work and that it should feel more natural. i guess like everyone always meets up with one another outside frosh cell and ccf and church time and i'm sooo not "with" that because i rarely plan to eat with or see people outside those times. so am i to puruse this more?
kay this has already been a fairly long post/rant. my blog is so uninspiring -__- but at least i'm fairly honest on it? >< it is kind of sad that i am more open to a blog than people... anyways saturday was fun times :) parents caaame and brought me some stuff, talked about asia trip! then went to end-of-term dinner with da bboys at wild wing. SO GOOOOD yums. haven't seen them in awhile! went back to arthur's place (aka home of shimmycocopuffs! lol he made some really good tasting noodles) and we played puerto rico! and i won ^^ hehe dind't play too aggressively so maybe i snuck up on them.. went home tried to do work.. then park seemed bored so we watched secret. i still like the movie though i'm still slightly confused. THENNN sunday was church =D yay i made it even though slept late and then grad dinner afterwards =D the frosh video was really gooood. the 3rd years had a REALLY GOOD SOUNDING SONG... yarr that wasfun to dress up and stuff =) i didn't really knooow the grads too well but it was sad because i remember the feelings of leaving summer for uni .. such sad times lol kay so late for class >_< had to blog!
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