NATURE vs me? :(

i haven't blogged in awhile but i guess it's just cause i've been too lazy/too tired. for 5 days and 4 nights i went on a grade trip .. with my grade. to some provincial park called the sandbanks. and i realized maybe camping isn't my thing. the bugs and spiders and MOSQUITOS half killed it. i guess the rest of it (in retrospect) wasn't that bad, but washing dishes was terribly tough.. it was a pretty cool experience though. lots of good times with friends. and i was able to SWIM again since i can't swim much in pools cause of chlorine and eczema, but at the lake it was niiice =D i couldn't get enough of it! (at least until it started becoming really cold and my hands went numb... ) the place was also pretty nice i guess. most amazing at night :) the stars were amaaaazing. so clear and they actually TWINKLED. and the tons of shooting stars you can (apparently) see. i only saw about 10 in total but i saw this humongous one that actually looked lk a rock falling out of the sky.. one night we just lay down on this like strip of road and looked up into the sky. pretty scary actually haha and just looked at stars/shooting stars. i also saw a firefly!! that was cool. made a witty joke about the "grave of the fireflies" hehe

I also took a 30ish minute long walk by myself :) at first it was because i was annoyed and just needed to take a long breather and to kinda pull myself together, to ask God for guidance and strength to face the things i don't want to...but it turned into a 25ish minute session with God in which i just wanted to praise and worship Him :) He is just SO amazing, i can't help myself from just wanting to tell Him how great and awesome He truly truly is. It helped that the place we were camping at was beautiful.. especially the beach =)

anyways.. a lot of people were crying on this trip because it was "the end". i felt really bad that i couldn't find the same emotion, that i felt little sadness in the fact that my entire highschool experience of 6 years was ending.. maybe because a lot of my friends are going to the same university... it's strange looking back on all the reasons i DID cry.
1) what someone wrote in my yearbook
2) yy leaving/audriana talks about "how we will still see each other" made me cry <--- i cried the LEAST in this situation T_T I"M SO HEARTLESS
3) bullies >=\ (but this one ended well.. good talk, real feelings, got some stuff cleared up)
but honestly yeah T_T i'm happy for the past 6 years, but i've been ready to move on for awhile. (though it fluctuated...) i know i will keep in touch with the people that matter and it isn't the end... as for those that i don't know as well.. well no offense >__< but how can i have the feelings of missing them. maybe i am just cold hearted T_____T anyway... lol

so now i'm back in toronto. glad to be home =) and pretty bored though. maybe it's cause other ppl are gone on a camping trip again. i can't even watch my animes/dramas when they're gone!! but i'm trying to find things to do. sad that i can't go to summer conference! =( makes this friday extra boring. but it's alright =) i don't want to be those ppl that needs to have stuff planned every single day to be happy ^^