i wish my life was like a drama... or maybe not

something weird is happening to me and it's kind of scary. but maybe it's taken out of context because i like to watch dramas a lot and dramas are, well, dramatic. Getting up to get off the GO train one morning i proceed towards the stairs and after taking that first step, my legs become all wobbly and weak and my descend down the stairs was very unstable. At first i was completely shocked because this has never happened before. Then i thought about it and figured that i was probably just really tired, considering that i can never sleep at night. But i guess thinking about it more now, it's really beginning to scare me. How weak i always feel because of how tired i am plus not being able to walk down just a couple steps of stairs stably has got me concerned about my own wellbeing. It's kind of weird, since i've always wanted my life to be like a drama. Even though you get sick, the extent to which people care for you is amplified (if that is the right word...) and it's one of those things where all this really sad, and somewhat bittersweet stuff happens to the main character. But now that i'm here with such circumstances, i don't know if it's worth it. People would probably think i'm thinking too much and making this thing too big of a deal and scaring myself. and if anyone thinks that, they are probably right.

But this brings me to my next... issue? i have all these feelings inside (i know that sounds incredibly lame) and they're really sad actually. Well they make me sad and i really don't know how to get it out. i know i am always trying to seek comfort or understanding from my friends, but i can't bring myself to express how i really feel about anything. And there are always those things you just can't tell someone (e.g. "i feel sad because you just kept talking to this guy when i wanted to say something") Many times i just want to "break down" and cry because that is probably the easiest way i can just tell the world and have someone realize and care. I suppose it really isn't anyone else's fault because how can i expect them to know if i don't show it. and just to clarify, my friends aren't bad friends, i really love them! but i guess sometimes it's nice when people care without having been called on it to do so.

I know i'm probably just in a really "unhappy" or "emo" mood right now because some things have happened and whatnot and fortunately it'll all blow over by tomorrow. =)"You have to face the rain before you can get the rainbows." or something like that... and i know God is continually walking with me through this so yay God<3! This has probably got to be my deepest post yet.