4A Update!

I feel like I should update this a bit... for anyone wondering lol! if i had to say one thing to describe my 4A term thus far i feel like i would have to, unfortunately, use the word "busy".... i feel like i've been working MORE OR LESS non-stop with the exception of some days which i take as breaks but i think this is the most hardworking i've been EVER in university. that being said i think i have somewhat better time management now. I also mentioned to some people  that i really wanted to develop goals over the term but ... that PARTIALLY failed. mostly because i have no time to just sit down and think.. or im procrastinating on it but here's what i generally wanted...

1. TO BE HARDWORKING. i guess that's kind of accomplished haha im taking 6 courses so actually surprisingly busy and with jobmine too!! im actually super freaked out for it but im continually reminding myself to place my trust in God. I know sometimes it's kind of awkward when everyone has interviews and stuff... and i dont but i think that's jsut self-pride kicking in and wanting not to "lose face" in front of peers and stuff... but God has actually been so amazing in placing me somewhere each term (cause i never get a lot of interview/offers) so i pray He will work again this term, remind myself that even if it's not what i want, that God can be glorified and that He may be calling me TO that coop place for a reason! i guess this topic is no longer about being hardworking ahaha 

2. to meet and serve the younger years! since i wasn't here the previous term i really want to meet the froshies!! it's kind of hard during ccf but maybe that's cause im not making enough effort but i hope other avenues open up for me to be able to meet and get to know the frosh/2nd years better :) 

3. DG! i just found out who my dg mates are and i hope i can serve them and truly be a sister in Christ to them. i shall go email them right now!

anyway i also signed up for a God and reason course and also sword (apparently lol) but i hope im not over committing. i rly feel quite busy all the time. and on top of this i really need to spend more personal time with God as well so I hope i can better manage my time!! this is maybe the most spontaneous and messy blog i've ever written.................. T_T yahhhhhhhh 

An unexpected journey.

For a sec I really felt like Bilbo Baggins about to write out my entire journey these past 4 months. I'm kind of on a high from Hobbit/LOTR so it's been on my mind ahah. Anyway I figured I should really blog about my time that I spent in Ottawa during my co-op term there. In some ways it feels like I came back from a missions trip or something because usually when people do return from those, they have a lot to share! And I guess I learnt a lot... way more than expected so praise God for working so mightily in Ottawa the past term :D I don't even know where to begin... and I get lazier and lazier as I blog... so we'll see how much I get through but here goes!!

So if I had to sum up the term ... I'd probably say that "God is good". I know that's pretty vague and generic but I honestly feel that at the end of this term my feelings are summed up with praise for God for how He has taught me, led me, used me, and blessed me.

Taught:
God has revealed so much of Himself to me and I've learnt so much through fellowship, church, experiences, sharing, other sisters, etc. I made a list so I wouldn't forget. He's taught me more of what it means to be faithful to God, reminded me of life outside my Christian bubble, helping me step outside of my comfort zone, showed me the mighty power in prayer, how to be intentional, how to be humble and humbling me, grown my heart for witnessing to those around me, how to be like-minded and striving for the same goal in unity, and so much!

Led:
I truly believe God has been with me during my time in Ottawa. At our girls' sleepover we read about Esther... and how God's name was not even mentioned in the book but yet his presence and His hand in all the events are so apparent. Similarly so God's presence was strongly felt and I felt as if He truly was leading me through the trials, the learning, the good times, and ofcourse the not as good times.

Used:
This term I had many opportunities to share with my non-Christian friends about what Christianity is, what is church, what is fellowship, and hearing what their concept of Church was. I did spend a lot of time with them so had opportunities to share more of what I believed in to them and I really hope that a seed has been planted, or watered, or tended to! And that someday they too may be able to see the light!

Blessed:
Cannot even begin to list all the blessings cause the list would go on foreverrrrr. Ottawa was pretty amazing and I connected so well to the fellowship and the church I attended because I was intentional and they were welcoming. I don't think I've ever experienced that connection to this extent. So ACF, OCAC, Elijah, Girl's prayer group were all such HUGE blessings...

I guess that's mostly my term summed up though there's waaaaaay more to say haha ofcourse the friendships made, Ottawa as a city is great too, the sketchy house I lived in... I will really miss Ottawa and I do right now but Toronto is good and Im glad to be home and then off to Loo soon! Praise God for that too :D

a fortress!

this weekend was pretty eventful overall :) starfield concert mostly but got to also do a women's Bible study with the church i am going to and hung out a lot with brothers and sisters on Sunday. anyway i guess what i wanted to blog about is the Bible study..

we were looking at the passage of Luke 15 - the parable of the prodigal son. I guess often i focus on the son that spends his fortune, repents, comes back, and is welcomed home by the father (paralleled by our own rebellion to God and coming back to him in repentance, seeking forgiveness.. i think this is the more...obvious? message of this parable. But at this Bible study, we actually spent a lot of time talking about the older son - particularly to the idea of "unfair"ness.. might not be a word ahah anyways the older son is meant to portray the Pharisees (soon after they grumbled against Jesus because he was eating with sinners) who had obeyed the father all along but did not truly love him because he was obeying for the sake of reward. Anyway the reason we talked more about the older son because we felt that was truly where the deeper problem lay... the idea of finding that we deserve something because of what we have done or overall how to deal with something that seems unfair. I think most of us said that it must have been difficult for the Pharisees, who thought they were doing the "right" thing but Jesus comes and tells them something totally different. but anyway i guess in more present-day terms, if we are humble and remember that we have all we need already (Jesus!), which is what the father in the parable tells the son, it may be much easier to approach the situation. maybe we are so accustomed to that thinking of "i did something well so i deserve to be rewarded". i am not sure if we came to a final conclusion of that discussion but it was definitely a very interesting talk about this parable i have never had before! and it rly reminded me be more humble since a lot of the times i expect people to be nice to me because i try to be nice but when it doens't happen back i get frustrated ... soo may God grant me the humility, patience and LOVE to be more unconditional in my love

ALSO. re:previous post. at starfield concert, they showed this video of an African woman who had to take care of many of her grandchildren and she said that she put her faith in God to provide for them. When asked what she wanted to share with everyone who could hear her story, she said: "ask God for strength, for when you do, He will give you a fortress" (paraphrased). that really struck me... just visualizing what that is like... is profound haha so i shall ask God for strength to face these trials!

flustered!

i kinda just want to take the easy way out as uuuusual and just run from the difficult situations >_< i am quick to give up and when some troubled times come i easily say "ahh whatever" and want to walk away. i know it's so horrible to say this but being around these people have been very frustrating at times and sometimes very discouraging to me. i think it's mostly due to my own lack of love and patience to "deal" with them and their words so i will pray for more of this!! i guess it's like i want to retreat to my bubble of where i'm comfortable but noooo we are called to GO!! i think i've been comfortable too long and God has already blessed me with the opportunities to share my faith and beliefs (woohoo God answered prayers :)). Need to persevere and be FAITHFUL to what God has given me, which is the opportunity to be a light into the darkness. i think i am learning a lot about what it means to be faithful to God. It sort of reminds me of Jesus and his prayer in Gethsemane asking if there was another way.. but ends His prayer with "not my will, but yours, be done". Though my task is no where as difficult as Jesus' was, may i remain faithful to what God has given me and to seek after God's will, not my own.

but anyway, tonight i had a great time of fellowship with some brothers and sisters in ottawa so that was refreshing! and tomorrow i will be going to see starfield in concert :) and this is a song that i like/is an encouragement in this situation ahaha "the world behind me, the Cross before me" may it be like this!! Christ first :)

Ottawa

quick blog! so im in ottawa and it was been very interesting :) many many things are happening and it can be quite exciting/scary. but since im rly lazy and dont wanna blog alll about it .. if you want to know, you can just ask me after hearing of what's been going on :) so here's the list!

1. joined ocac and acf and met many brothers and sisters
2. just joined girls prayer group so im very excited!!
3. got to share the gospel and my faith with my friends :D:DD:D:D but kind of scary sometimes cause i somewhat get mocked.. (this has been crazy! so many opportunities that came so quickly after i prayed for courage to share/stand up for my faith)
4. my house got broken into at night and i saw the robber! >_< (praise God we're all safe!!!)
5. exploring lots of ottawa :D it's a really pretty city but i miss toronto greatly!
6. very happy that I have friends that also came from loo so i dont feel so lonely ^^
7. practicing a lot of guitar/chinese!
8. probably going to ROCK THE RIVER tomorrow

anyway yeah im too lazy to type it all out here but if you'd like to know, talk to me and i'd love to share :)

and that's my quick update!

Retreat reflections I

So as some of you may know I am at my church's summer retreat for the long weekend! while it has been fun and a good time of learning about unity (the theme for the retreat) i just wanted to drop a quick blog because i know after i leave retreat i won't be blogging about what has hit me so far because i am lazy. anyway i feel like i have made two major realizations (apart from what i've learnt from sermons and spending time with people)

A) i HAVE changed. if you have read my blogs from before there have been some rather depressing ones where i often talk about how i never really learn from the lessons that God gives me. IN PARTICULAR i struggle a lot with lonliness and in my times of discouraging solitude i've tended to seek the company of people to fill that void in my life where i am lonely. in the past week prior to this retreat, i had those feelings emerge again. Times when i've felt really alone and unloved. I realized that in both those times when I began to feel those emotions, i instantly turned to prayer and to seek God and reminded myself that i am not alone at all! that God loves me, cares for me and is always with me :) i'm glad that i HAVE learnt not to go to people first but to seek after God im so glad that God can change hearts, can fix brokenness, and nothing is impossible for Him!

B) another thing that hit is "my old life". during worship, we sang a song that had the ilnes "and i don't want to go back to my old life" (or something like that... haha i don't remember the song name.. but that line was actually really difficult to sing because it made me kind of emotional? not hard to sing in the sense that i don't believe those lines. it was emotional because i really thought back to the time that i did not know Christ personally, when I did not know God and when I did not have the Spirit... and it's really scary! as i think about it i feel more and more as if it is like... a non-existance... i cannot believe that i could ever have lived without knowing God is true and not having Christ as a hope to hold onto. it is really unfathomable after knowing the sweet and deep love of God! it's like once you've had a taste of this love you really cannot go back. so even the thought of going back is insanely scary and sad. so even as i struggle now for Christ in my life to be exalted and to be first, i am encouraged to know that at least i do not want to go back to my old life of darkness, that i hate it!

anyways my computer is running out of batteries and i have no charger which is maybe why im talking really "shortly" or myabe i always talk like that. but yeah i kind of wanted to share that or just... at least ... problaim the wonder that Christ has done in me, not for my own glory but so that all (those people that read my blog haha) may see God's goodness and also be encouraged :) sorry for long post. i guess this is kind of contradictory to my previous post hahah :S

49

I find that I am feeling less and less compelled to share with people whether it be about my present or past state... i'm also beginning to realize what so many have said about the impacts of co-op on your social relationships. :S i guess i am not feeling great?

evolving introvert..

recently i did one of those personality tests and i got .. something which i can't even remember anymore... but i do remember that it said i was an introvert. idunno if i used to be an introvert or not but recently i have been getting more and more tired going out with people after work so i tend to just want to go home... being with people can be tiring! so i'm glad the long weekend is here :)even though this week i will be going out a lot since many people are back from reading week! so many don't know who to talk to!! but so far the people i have gotten to talk with has been good catching up time :) so i guess i'm looking forward to see all these people i haven't seen in so long!! i'll just sleep earlier or something =D

something that i've been asking others to pray for me about is to get to know my coworkers better and God has really really answered my prayers :D it was so good because after i sent an email with that prayer request in it, the next day at work, a door was opened and i talked to two of my coworkers :) now i'm on a pretty good talking basis with three of them and i even went to the jeremy lin basketball game with one of them! so amazing how quickly God responds! but i definitely do have fear with witnessing and sharing the Gospel with them so i hope in the next step is to have courage and to not fear man but God!

i've also been taking buses back and forth to do ridership counts for one of the things i do for co-op =P so i've had the chance to talk to a lot of bus drivers and understanding more what their job is like. Many of them are really nice but others seemed more bitter. the latter had some stories to share about rough customers they have to deal with.. especially people showing fake tickets and stuff. i met one guy who had worked 40 years for ttc and is really glad he now works for GO since the crowd is very different. i know this can be a very biased view but some of the stories of how customers treat bus drivers are really ridiculous :( so i think it's probably not an easy job so please treat your bus drivers with love !! though most people who ever read this probably do haha but yeah show them some respect with just a simple thank you or a smile or something coming into the bus :D

bday!

not very creative with the titles... but! today (technically yesterday) was my birthday :) and i am now 21 years old!! kinda weird to acknowledge or say it since i still remember it wasn't long ago when i thought people who were 21 were so old haha i guess in the past i've been very selfish with birthdays. i guess being someone who's not often in a spotlight (at least i don't think sooo??) i always wanted my birthday to be all about ME. but im glad that ive just come to appreciate that God has blessed me with many years and that to celebrate this day i wanted to be a blessing to others instead. idunno if that happened haha but im glad at least i'm beginning to change :) thank you to many people who did make it an awesome weekend including surprise party (which was more a surprise than not a surprise!), treating me to food!, making beautiful cards!, and just being there to make whatever we were doing at the time very fun.

i remember how i wanted to blog about some other random stuff going on but i forgot what it was....

transit geeks

hmm i guess a lot has happened since my first new year post where my daily blogging died down suddenly.

i started my second co-op term, working at metrolinx this time. At first it was preeeetty slow where all i did was read GO documents like different long-term plans, SCHEDULES, and other random reports about transit and transportation. but my manager has come back from England now (he has a british accent and i accidentally spoke in a british accent twice already haha) so i'm getting more work. everyone is super knowledgeable and excited about transit! and i get to know lots of insider information hehe i really have gained a deeper respect for people who work for transit companies... rather than just complaining about bad service!! people work really hard to make sure necessary services are implemented, it's really not that easy!

other than thaaat i went snowboarding and it was really fun! although i haven't improved in a loooong time but definitely very fun and getting to get to know church friends better. same with vball! saw many people this past sunday from vball - many people came i didn't expect and i thiiink this sport i did get better in and had a good and very funny dinner with new and old friends :)

this year i also want to exercise repentance before revival. i realize sometimes i neglect myself (not the same as selfless), my own relationship, and don't reflect on myself.. i need to do that more and to repent of the sins i find in myself so that i can be a better instrument for His good work! anyways really like this song:

2012!

fiiiirstly, happy new years!! 2011 has been pretty interesting... ups and downs but looking forward to 2012 and anxious about God will do! especially since i will be in toronto the next 4 months :)

what i did in my first 3 hours of 2012? i... won my first game of dominion ever, yay! saw my first wild fox ever, and had a fun time with Josiah fellowship :) and many more hours to come hehe

started...

reading ender's game. felt strange it didn't have pictures! haha readjusting to reading leisurely with just words...

on another matter, went downtown for a sandwich run and it was pretty interesting. chatted a little and learnt some stuff so it was really interesting! and it's almost 2012 but i don't really feel like it's very crazy that it's a new year or like how i felt before when it's exciting that the year is about to change haha maybe time just feels all the sameee like day to day.

some exciting news (probably only for me)! i won my first dota2 game and it was rather exciting and kinda scary!! but i was very positive at the end andddd it felt good to contribute to the team!

my blogs have less and less real content... what happens when you blog often!

that happy moment when...

you're reading manga/watching anime and they make a reference to another anime/manga and you understand it :D makes reading it that much more wonderful!

but i borrowed ender's game from irene i should probably be reading that!

Christmastime.. generic seasonal post title could not think of anythingggg

today someone remarked how i hadn't updated my blog and i admitted i did not blog too often so maybe i shall...

mm not that much has been on my mind recently... just kinda been hanging out or staying at home and stuff. i guess if there's one thing to think about it's that january is approaching really really fast! and i'm kind of nervous for my co-op term cause i'm scared i won't be competent enough in whatever they ask me to do... but we will see!

i've definitely been having a lot of fun i guess being at home and doing not a lot... which is nice after a whole term of school hahah and watching movies! today i watched the cube and it was really stressful cause so much suspense and things that pop up really scare me buuuut i guess in retrospect how they figured it out and the idea of it is interestingggg. i think i had really high expectations of it though which maybe made it worse.

mmm just such mindless rambling! haha i guess i'm glad i'm spending time at homeee :) more time with parents, more time piano playing!, spending less money, and i guess i should go learn more excel things since i'm probably using that a lot next term! kind of exciting and also intimidating.

ooo what was good a couple days ago was baptism on Christmas! always so joyous and happy for all the people that got baptized! very happy and lotsa card writing! i felt very convicted to keep praying for some of the people who got baptized so i hope i don't forget! this also reminds me of what a friend said today and the thing she talked about is really sticking to me because i never realized the truth in what she said cause i never even considered it.. i know i'm being vague.. but yah makes me kind of sad...

getting older

people recently joked about me being old since i'm born early in the year and there are just so many december birthdays! however i recently came across an interesting quote: Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
It definitely made me kind of think that these simple things i overlook and take for granted yet words like "i wish i wasn't so old!!" easily slip out of my mouth but i don't really know what the implications or the meaning of those thoughts are...

You alone are the real joy giver!

I feel like God has opened my eyes to many things this week and has showered me with many blessings this term :)

One thing I think that I have improved in this term is filling my responsibilities to do well with being a student! I'm definitely working harder than previous terms and it feels good to not have to do assignments at 4am in the morning! But I think at some point I got lost in the school part of it and forgot the reason why I want to fulfil my studently responsibilities in the first place and to not focus on getting good grades and doing well relative to my friends (since they are all so smart! :P) but what helps me to remember too is just being blessed with the ability to be in school particularly when I hear stories of children that love to learn and wish they could be in school and would travel miles to be in class! So what a blessing and joy it is to be able to learn!

As well, I was talking to someone about the respect we have for doctors and nurses and how they are able to help so many people and even save lives!! and it constantly makes me wonder why I am not in such an amazing profession that must be wonderfully rewarding and then I remember that God must have a grand plan for those who aren't skilled to be a doctor! It's absolutely beautiful how we are all blessed with different gifts and passions to do different things with one thing in common: to bring glory to God and "save" people (perhaps not physically and also cause we don't actually save them!) by telling them about the One who has saved them :) We had a lady share at our church about the need to be humble in recognizing the skills we don't have as well (and perhaps what we aren't called to) and let other people who are gifted in that area to do that and to help in areas where we are so gifted, which is really nice to consider when we often talk about knowing our gifts - but what about knowing what our gifts are not?

And then another amazing thing this week was the Merge! Though for the most part it was just having really great laughs with people and meeting new people, taking a step back it was really a night of great fellowship! It was amazing to know the different people that willingly came out for the purpose of getting together because of a common love for God! What made this night extra encouraging was at the end when I re-met N.W. who I had not seen in a long time but we had shared prayer requests awhile back and that this person actively seeked me out to again ask how I was, which definitely encouraged me to see how this person loved people and it is clearly a love overflowing from God!

anyways taht's a really long blog i guess for having not blogged in awhile and definitely tons more stuff have happened than recorded but this week has been very encouraging for me and i thank you God for it!

3rd year day 1

YAY starting school again and it's kind of exciting. looking forward to many different things this term. it's been one day so far and i have moved in and cleaned my room and things have been fun. not much work i guess to keep me super busy yet. probably most memorable thing that has happened thus far.... PLAYING WITH NERF GUNS. especially awesome after watching firefly where there's tons of gunfights and pretending to be an agent or ninja hehe definitely makes me feel less sad for breaking my umbrella sword :(

yummy food

I remember when i was younger and we were asked what our favourite food was I would always say icecream. Actually not even when i was younger. even now haha because i panic and can't think fast enough. but today i am eating two of my favourite foods! One of them is chicken wings! I love chicken wings.. in almost all the ways you can prepare them.. bake, pan-fry, deep fry, etc i guess it depends on the sauce but in general any kind of chicken wings i will love! The other thing i'm eating right now is EGGPLANT, i'm pretty sure growing up i did not want to eat eggplant but one day in first year i somehow tried eggplant. i'm not sure if i tasted a friend's dish which had eggplant or if i saw it and i thought it looked good so i got it but i remember i really loved the eggplant from the dc building and always wanted it and would also just buy the eggplant on its own. so yummy!

overcome

yay blog again :) so im sitting on some grass now as i write and the weather is wonderful and so goood and i'm listening to this song by Hillsong United which i first heard at the hillsong concert I went to the past saturday. side note: i sat on something and it really hurt so i got up and not im squatting now but the pain is still there haha :( okay anyways i learnt this song called oh you bring and i really like it :D but that's not the song i want to talk about... haha another song i heard was called "take heart" and they played it in conjunction with one of my favourite verses:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

This was just such a beautiful reminder that Christ has overcome this world, He has overcome death, He has OVERCOMEEEE. and if i put my hope in Him and He is one that has overcome this world, what things in this world do I worry about if i lift my burdens up to Him and He has me in His hands that holds all things together. I pray I continue to put my faith into Jesus for He is amaaazing. All honour, glory, and praise to Him.

Anyways.. what's been up recently.. not too much really but ive been able to enjoy some wonderful time with some guuurls, been working, finally played some vball again though i have gotten sooo much worse, and i'm kinda looking forward to school. i miss that atmosphere haha. gosh summer has been so goooood in retrospect despite some rougher patches. i'm really enjoying my moment here outdoors right now haha kinda wish i could just always have moments like these where i don't have to worry about anything haha but i know there is work to be done!!

update !

So long time no blog >< BUT things have been EHHH =\ struggling with a lot of things but i think the beauty is that despite my lack of reliance on God, He's still there and He still hears me and He still loves me and He knows my heart and my struggles and He provides!! A lot of things I was upset at but I feel lk so many things got "resolved" or answered and it was like all at once haha and greatly greatly encouraged yesterday by a SISTER in Christ, which was soooo timely and WONDERFUL. Pray that I can learn to really rely on Him only and to really experience what it means for God to be ENOUGH!

other than that work has been interesting!! dealing with 105 MB excel files, taking pictures of people in the office (FOR WORK PURPOSES)! still gotta clean my room and i'm looking forward to going back to school!